


A Whore's Tale

by KC_darling



Category: Tom Hiddleston - Fandom, hiddlesworth - Fandom
Genre: Blow Jobs, Gang Rape, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Loneliness, M/M, Prostitution, Rape/Non-con Elements, Underage Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-21
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:21:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 14
Words: 46,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22832467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KC_darling/pseuds/KC_darling
Summary: Tom has been kicked out when he was 16 because he's gay. He was madly in love with Chris, who let him down.Alone in New York Tom has to survive somehow.
Relationships: Chris Hemsworth/Tom Hiddleston, Tom Hiddleston/Original Male Character(s)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 85





	1. Just a Job

“50, as usual?”  
Quickly nodding his head he was quite thankful to get out of the cold and into the warm car. Mr. D, as Tom called him, was one of his regulars. Always wanting a blowjob. Looking at Mr. D's ring once again Tom wondered if his wife just wasn’t any good at sucking cock or if Mr. D wasn’t ready yet to admit he was gay and it was actually more than a blowjob that he’d actually wanted.

In silence they drove around a little until Mr. D pulled into the usually empty parking lot. Without hesitation Tom leaned over unzipped his customer and started. It was his seventh year at this job and by now he’d gotten used to it. After all this paid his food and clothing and the occasional luxury if he had a generous customer. At first he had felt bad for earning his money this way but gradually he’d gotten used to it. Playing and singing on the streets of New York wasn’t nearly as good to earn money.

It was quite simple really. He only had two rules: he wouldn’t swallow and no sex without condom.  
Knowing Mr. D was ready to cum Tom grabbed a hanky from his pocket as he pulled off just in time to collect the sticky seed.  
Ten minutes later Mr. D dropped him off at his usual spot with $ 70. Not bad for a start.

He hated those freezing winter nights and it was only the start of the season. He hated December. The whole city was decorated so festive. It almost felt as if the entire city wanted to mock him as he hated Christmas.

Unfortunately for him the rest of the night was quiet and when he barely felt his toes anymore he headed towards the park and his home which was a dark underpass which he shared with two others. At least they had a fire.

The next day wasn’t better – not much anyway. $ 150 for a quickie with a new customer obviously a tourist. The only thing he hated about his job was that it never was about him. The guys always fucked him but as soon as they’d cum it was over no matter how close he was, although nowadays he rarely got hard anymore anyway.

One week till Christmas, which always was a weird time and you had to be rather careful in which car you’d get as normally just some strange loners were around then and one of his colleagues had disappeared on Christmas eve last year and hadn’t been seen since.  
So Tom always was suspicious at this time of year.

Three days to Christmas and it was fucking freezing. The weather forecast had even warned about a blizzard. Hopefully he’d be back in his “home" when it hit. But as he hadn’t had a single customer that far he’d have to wait a bit longer.  
“Fucking great!” The first snow flakes were falling and Tom nearly would have gone home when he saw a very familiar car come closer. He only had two customers he looked forward to seeing. One was Rudy a young student not having time for a boyfriend and the one pulling up next to him now.  
The window was lowered and Tom leaned into the car. “Good evening, Mr. Senator.” Tom grinned from ear to ear.  
“Hi, Tom. You look cold. I know a place nice and cosy.”  
Chuckling Tom opened the door and got in. Tonight he wouldn’t be sleeping on a cardboard box.

“How long have you been out here?” The Senator asked as he turned up the temperature when he’d noticed Tom was shivering.  
“Don’t know. About two hours probably.”  
“You really shouldn’t be out at this weather anyway, you know.”  
“Yeah. But sitting on my ass won’t get me any money, Mr. Senator.”  
“How many times, Tom?! Just call me Brian.”  
“I can’t as I’d only have to think of that movie The Life of Brian and I’d have to laugh.”  
“Idiot.”  
He always teased him with that and they had a few good laughs from it. Tom’s expression darkened as they passed the Radio City Music Hall and the ridiculous decoration.  
“What is it, Mr. Grinch?”  
With a smile on his face he punched him lightly and soon they were driving into the underground gar park of the Senator's ridiculously expensive apartment building.

Once in the flat Tom took off his jacket and shoes.  
“So I’m your first one tonight?” Hugging Tom from behind the Senator cupped his crotch gently massaging him.  
“Yes. But I’d still like to take a hot shower, if that’s alright.”  
“Only if I’m allowed to join you.”

Usually he showered to wash away any traces of other men as the Senator didn’t like it but that day he was just fucking freezing.  
Once under the hot water the Senator quickly sank to his knees and sucked Tom’s cock into his mouth. No other customer did that. And with the Senator Tom always knew he’d be taken care of as well. He felt good around him, he even had told him about how he’d become a whore and their dates usually ended with the Senator asking him to move in with him. Tom didn’t think it was meant seriously and considering the man's – married man's – position it surely wasn’t.

Soon Tom came down his throat and a bit later they finished their shower. The Senator wrapped him in a fluffy towel and grinned. “I’ll just order dinner then you can reciprocate, darling.” He’d always call him that and once the older man had admitted to him that he always fantasized about them being boyfriends and that he wasn’t married. For those few hours every now and then it was just them. No pressure from anywhere.

The Senator was sitting on the sofa turning on the telly when Tom let the towel fall and sank down on the floor in front of him.  
“You don’t mind if I watch the news, do you?”  
“No. Not at all.” For the Senator Tom also broke one of his rules. At first he hadn’t swallowed but when the Senator did Tom felt that he had to as well. Deep-throating his customer's cock he soon felt his seed run down his throat.  
“Shit. I can never get enough of your blowjobs, darling.”  
Tom nearly said “Then just pick me up more often" but remembered just in time that the Senator hated it to be reminded that Tom was just a whore and just doing his job. Sitting on the sofa Tom spread his legs as he knew what his favourite customer liked. He had actually bought a new, bigger ring for his lorum piercing and wondered if he’d noticed already. Most customers didn’t even touch him there never mind look at him that closely but the Senator did and when the news were over his eyes went to the younger man’s piercing.  
“Is that new?”  
“Yes. And you’re the first one to see it. What do you think?”  
Leaning closer the Senator reached for it with his fingers. “It’s quite thick. I love it, darling.”  
Right then the phone rang and the porter informed them that their food had arrived.

The blizzard was going full force when they finished eating and Tom couldn’t help staring out the window. Hopefully his stuff would still be there and not blown away by the storm.  
“What are you thinking?” The older man wrapped his arms around him from behind.  
“I think...” Tom looked at him over his shoulder “...that you often pick me up when the weather is horrible.”  
“What?”  
“Well, last winter you came around when the big cold was coming. Three nights in a row.” Why hadn’t he noticed that earlier?  
“I just didn’t want you to freeze to death out there.”  
“You shouldn’t worry about me.”  
“If I knew you stayed at home and weren’t out there, I wouldn’t.”  
“Hmm.” He didn’t tell him that he was outside anyway but instead cuddled into him.  
“Let’s go to bed, darling. I want to make you feel good.”

Tom always prepared himself in a public toilet before going to work. Early on he’d learned – the hard way - that his customers wouldn’t do it. But with the Senator it was different. They usually would spend hours until they did anything as the older man tried to ignore what Tom was, that was also why he insisted that he’d prepare his lover.

It felt good to lie in the big comfortable bed and watch the storm outside while a lubed up finger was slowly thrusting in and out of him. Taking his time the Senator also occasionally caressed Tom’s dick or played with his piercing.  
“Do you think I should get a Prince Albert piercing? It surely would look good?”  
“No, darling, don’t. You’re perfect the way you are. You’ve got the most beautiful penis I’ve ever seen, don’t ruin it with some stupid metal.”  
Tom actually hated his penis for several reasons and thought that a piercing might change that.

The Senator made sure to brush over his prostate every now and then and when three fingers were inside Tom his dick was rock hard.  
“Darling? Would you show me your little trick?”  
Chuckling Tom nodded. Only two men had seen his trick: the Senator and the guy whose fault it was that he’d become a whore.

Quickly moving around the Senator helped him lift up his back and basically bend him in half. Pressing Tom’s hips downwards lightly he also penetrated his hole again with his fingers as the younger man opened his mouth and sucked the tip of his cock into his mouth.  
Originally Tom had discovered that he could do this as a dare when he’d been 16. And when the Senator had wanted to try a new position one day, Tom had ended up being bent in half with his dick hanging just above his mouth. He had stretched his neck and sucked at himself which had gotten him a more than generous tip.  
Now the Senator sometimes wanted to fuck him that way although the position wasn’t too comfortable for Tom but he loved it nonetheless.  
The older man got up on the bed bracketing Tom’s bend body between his legs before entering his young lover with his cock. They both moaned at the intrusion and as the Senator started his thrusts Tom sucked harder at his own dick.

Tom still had the taste of his own seed in his mouth when the Senator had fallen asleep cuddled to his back. Staring out into the heavy snowfall Tom’s thoughts went back to the day he’d first discovered his skill.

  
_They were naked in his room exploring their bodies when Chris suddenly laughed at Tom’s sitting position._   
_“You’re almost like one of these contortionists. Maybe you should go to the circus. I bet you could even suck your own cock!”_   
_They’d been drinking a little and feeling bold Tom lay back and brought his legs up doing the candle position briefly before letting his legs fall backwards over his head. His cock was dangling above his head like that just a little out of reach._   
_“Shit, baby, I was just kidding, you know.”_   
_Knowing that he could shift positions still a little Tom grinned at his first love. “What do I get if I actually manage to suck myself off?”_   
_Chris chuckled “Whatever you want.”_   
_“Cool. Then you’ll invite me to the steakhouse.”_   
_“Okay. And if you don’t I get to fuck you all night._

Tears were running down Tom’s cheek at the memory of the happiest time in his life. It hadn’t lasted too long, however.  
Suddenly he couldn’t lie there anymore next to his customer. It somehow felt wrong. Getting up he stepped to the window looking out into the dark night where the storm was raging. Some lube ran down his thigh and he shuddered. What was he doing?  
He’d often doubted his career choice. But did he really have a choice? With no education and no money? Despite having sex for money wasn’t the worst. He liked having sex.

“Hey, darling? Everything okay?”  
Turning his head he looked at his customer for the night. He was paid to make them feel better. There was no room for his problems. Nobody really cared for him anyway. And that was the worst.  
“Sure. Just the storm’s keeping me up.”  
“ Come back to bed, darling. Let’s cuddle.”

Everything was covered in a thick mantel of white. There were huge snowbanks in the street below and Tom once again wondered if his stuff had survived the storm. It was still snowing quiet heavily and there was nobody on the normally so busy streets. The Senator was still sleeping but soon would be up. Depending on his schedule he’d fuck him again before sending him his way. Well, at least he wouldn’t be hungry over Christmas.

Tom nearly jumped out of his skin when the phone suddenly rang. The Senator shifted lightly in bed before reaching for his phone. “Hello?” Slowly sitting up he looked at the empty bed beside him before his eyes landed on the naked man standing by the window.  
“Until when?... I see. And there’s no other way?... Well, Rosie won’t like that.... See you next week then. Merry Christmas, Danny.... Thanks.” He hung up and put his phone down before turning towards Tom. “Looks like we’re snowed in.”  
“No wonder if you look out there.”  
Slowly getting out of bed the Senator joined him wrapping his arm around his middle. “Jesus. Well, do you have any plans for Christmas?”  
“You know that I hate the holidays.”  
“ Yes, although you’ve never told me why, darling.” He kissed the younger man’s shoulder. “So? Are you staying?”  
“I don’t want to bother you celebrating the holidays.”  
“You won’t. I don’t even have a tree. And no food actually. But as I won’t get home to my wife until the 26th it seems, I don’t want to be alone either. So what do you say? $ 1000.”  
Well, that was a lot of money. “Ahm, okay. But that’s too much.”  
“No discussion. Besides I’m planning to use up every cent.” Another kiss to Tom’s neck. “Can you start making breakfast while I call Rosie and tell her the bad news?”  
“Sure.”


	2. The Ex

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We learn more about Tom's past...

For Chris it had been the first Christmas away from home but as he had been working all the time it hadn’t been as bad as he’d thought. His colleagues were nice although the people coming into the emergency room over the holidays were weird – the weirdest being a guy who had a light chain with 50 lights in his rectum.  
The weather had been awful as well, maybe that was why there weren’t that many patients to tend to. It was a nightmare to walk the six blocks from his tiny apartment to the hospital and back as there was so much snow.

Finally on the 26th the snow and wind stopped and the city slowly started to come alive again. He somehow still couldn’t believe he was working in New York. It was his first year as assistant doctor at the Gracie Square Hospital and so far it went quite well. He was working in the emergency room for the first year and then he’d get to explore other wards as well.

He had to work the night shift on the 27th December and before going to work he’d been shopping a little as he needed a few new shirts. He was heading to the subway station when shouting from across the street drew his attention. Two officers were pushing a young guy with a guitar case around.  
“We don’t want filth like you mooching around here bothering people.”  
Chris just caught that one of the officers pulled his bat from his belt that was when the curly-haired stranger turned around saying “I’m fucking going. Alright.”  
Chris jaw dropped when he saw the guys face. It was a face he thought he’d never see again in his life. Like paralysed Chris stood there absentmindedly watching as his first big love was pushed by one of the officers.  
“Oy! Do that again and I’ll have to charge you 50 bucks.”  
This wasn’t possible. It had been 8 years since he’d seen Tom the last time but he immediately recognised him again. Finally his stupor slowly left him and waving across the busy street he shouted “Tom".  
There was no reaction from him, so Chris shouted again and looked for a gap in traffic to cross the street.

He was half way across the street when he’d lost sight of him and no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t spot him again. Fuck!

* * *

After the Senator had left to go to his wife Tom went back to his home and luckily everything was still there. They tried to keep warm but it was quite hard even with a big fire.  
On the 27th the streets were coming to life again and slowly you could walk on the pavement again without walking through 10 inches of snow. So he grabbed his guitar and headed towards Times Square and outside a restaurant, where the warm air from the kitchen was blown through the vents, he started playing.  
He’d played for an hour and earned a few bucks when two cops stopped him and made him pack up. He recognised one of them from his job as he’d once been caught offering his services. The cop had had a different partner back then and with two blowjobs everything had been solved. They were just shoving him down the street when he heard his name being shouted. He looked around but didn’t see anybody at first but then his eyes landed on the tall, handsome guy across the street waving at him. That wasn’t possible.  
As he wasn’t keen on talking – never mind meeting – the guy, who'd ruined his life he looked for the best escape route. The subway.

Right when Chris started to cross the street Tom started heading towards the stairs and luckily he escaped.

_Tom hated America. They’d moved over from England when he was 13. School was boring and he had no friends apart from two girls from their drama class. In his second year a new boy, whose parents had moved from Australia, came to his school. He was actually quite hot and as he was also new now maybe they could be friends but due to Chris' physique he soon joined the football team._

_Chris on his part had immediately seen the cute boy with the curly hair and the light gap between his front teeth. He was English but he was quite shy and soon Chris understood why. Most of his class mates bullied him for talking differently, for having curly hair and whatever else they could think of. Chris had actually tried to talk to him a few times but normally he’d answer briefly with yes, no or even just a grunt._

_For over a year they had lived side by side more or less ignoring the other then one day changed everything. Chris was watching their highschool’s basketball team like he often did especially for Michael. He secretly had a crush on Michael and watching the tall, slim guy play in shorts was a nice past time. But that one day he saw someone else watching the game. Pretending to read a book Tom was sitting in the far upper corner. Had he been there more often?_   
_Occasionally Chris glanced up at him only to notice that just like himself Tom wasn’t interested in the game. Well, maybe they could be friends after all._

_Tom’s gaze was fixed on Robert, his favourite player, as he just wiped his face using the hem of his shirt, so he didn’t notice Chris approaching him. Tom had always wondered why Chris, a football player, came to watch the basketball matches but luckily he hadn’t noticed him._   
_“So Robert's your favourite?” Chris asked out of the blue and Tom jumped up lightly bumping his shoulder into the wall. “Sorry, mate. Didn’t want to startle you.” He sat down next to the skinny Brit. “Mine's Michael.”_   
_“What?” Tom asked not quite understanding what Chris wanted from him._   
_“Well, you’re obviously not here to watch the game!”_   
_“Yes, I am!” Tom blushed from head to toe._   
_“No, you’re not. Neither am I.”_   
_Open-mouthed Tom stared at him. Had the hot Aussie just admitted that he liked boys? “I... it’s not...” Maybe it was just a test and as soon as he said the wrong thing the entire football team would come in and bully him. And only God knew what they’d do to him if they found out he was gay._   
_“I’ve first realised I’m into men when I was 12. We were at the beach and there was this surfer...” Chris hummed at the thought of Loki, the pale surf star with the long black hair, he even had a poster of him on his wall._   
_Disbelievingly Tom stared at Chris. “Is this a wind up?”_   
_“Absolutely not. You are gay as well, aren’t you?”_   
_Tom blushed even more whilst looking around making sure nobody had heard Chris. Once he was sure that nobody had, he quietly said. “Wanna go back to my place and play Mario Cart?”_   
_Chris had chuckled and nodded._

_As soon as they were through Tom’s front door something weird happened. The shy boy turned into an over-eager puppy._   
_“I can’t believe you’re gay as well. I think I’ve always known in some way. I don’t know. It’s hard to explain. Do you have a boyfriend? This is so exciting.”_   
_Chris had to grin. He liked that boy somehow, so before he could continue his rambling Chris grabbed him and kissed him._

_Over the next year they pretty much spent every afternoon together. Kissing turned into touching and exploring each other's body until they finally made the big step and had sex for the first time. They tried both ways and soon it was clear that Tom liked it better to be fucked and vice versa._   
_Usually they’d go to Tom’s as his parents were rarely home before 6 o'clock which gave them enough time to do whatever they felt like. They were madly in love and fucked nearly every day._

_Then came the day that would change everything._   
_There was a huge barbecue with almost all the neighbours. Tom and Chris held hands beneath the table but Chris could tell that Tom was slightly nervous and soon he knew why._   
_Everyone had finished eating and Tom thought now or never. He’d never have the courage to tell his parents that he was gay at home as he feared their reaction. But here in public... What could they do? They surely wouldn’t start shouting in front of everybody._   
_Chris was talking to his dad, so Tom headed over to his parents who were just having a glass of wine talking quietly. His heart was hammering in his chest when he walked over to them. “Mum? Dad? I need to tell you something.”_   
_They both looked at him expectantly. “I’m gay.”_   
_His dad let out a weird laugh that almost sounded like a bark. “That’s not funny, Thomas.”_   
_“It’s not a joke.” Tom said quietly feeling tears welling up in his eyes._   
_“You’re a fucking fagot?” His dad shouted at him and everyone around them went quiet._   
_With a shaking voice Tom said “I’m gay. I love Chris.” Seeking help he looked over at his boyfriend but what he saw then he could never forget. Chris at first looked like a deer caught in headlights before his facial expression turned into pity mixed with disgust and finally the Aussie shook his head._

_Chris had been caught totally off guard. He couldn’t admit in front of his family and friends that he was gay. He wasn’t ready for that._   
_Absentmindedly he noticed that Mr. Hiddleston was shouting even more now and storming off followed by his wife. Tom looked around himself and everyone was staring at him, some openly hateful others whispering with the person next to them. Swallowing hard he turned and left. He only let the tears fall when they were out of sight._   
_His parents had taken the car, so he slowly walked towards their house his head hanging and tears falling onto the pavement like raindrops._

_15 minutes later he turned the corner and what he saw made him furious. His dad was throwing his things out of the window of his room. When he saw his son approaching Mr. Hiddleston shouted “GET YOUR STUFF AND FUCK OFF! I DON’T EVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN. YOU’RE A FUCKING DISGRACE!”_   
_He opened his mouth to say something like he’d made a mistake but his dad had turned and left. Then he saw his mum appear in the window. She just briefly shook her head, threw a bag out the window before closing it locking her 16 year old boy out of their lives._

_Now that he thought about it his career as whore had started only two days afterwards._   
_For a bit he’d wandered around town thinking that his parents would change their minds but eventually he didn’t even want to go back anymore. He had nothing left. Chris had betrayed him. And going back to school would be a nightmare, so he soon had decided that he’d go to New York, which was only about a 4 hours drive. Surely he could find a boring job somewhere. He had walked for half a day already when an older women stopped and asked him where he wanted to go. She took him to the interstate where he hitch-hiked. A student took him to a parking lot only about two hours from New York and asking around in the resting area he’d soon found a trucker who’d take him straight to Manhattan._   
_He’d been excited when he climbed up the truck and sat in the passenger seat. Phil, as the trucker was called, curiously looked at him when he suddenly unzipped his pants and pulled his big, flaccid dick out._   
_“What are you doing?” Tom had asked scared as hell._   
_“Well, nothing in life is for free, sweet boy. You can choose: you either let me fuck your cute butt or you’ll suck me off twice. Once now and once we’re there.”_   
_“And if I don’t want either.” He was close to tears._   
_“Then get out of here!”_   
_Looking at the door handle he considered his options but then he wondered what if the next guy is even worse and just rapes him..._   
_As Phil was rather big Tom eventually said swallowing the lump in his throat “I’ll suck you off.”_   
_“Good choice, sweetling.”_

It hadn’t been that bad as he felt quite numb back then and thinking about it he still did most of the time. Throwing another log into their fire he suddenly had the need for a fuck. He hadn’t planned to go to work but he just wanted to drain out the thoughts and feelings of seeing Chris again had caused.

* * *

Every free minute for the next four days Chris thought about Tom and what would have happened if he’d reacted a different way.

  
_When he was home he immediately headed to his room crying at the thought of Tom’s disappointed face. His parents had no idea he was gay and he wanted to tell them on his own terms and in his own time. He felt slightly angry at Tom and what he had done. Now everybody would ask themselves if he actually was gay._

_It was the next evening when he’d sat in his room once more thinking about Tom. He’d tried to call him and even stopped by at his house but nothing. Neither had he been in school._   
_Tears had welled up in his eyes when there was a knock on the door and his mum stuck her head in._   
_“Hi, honey. Everything okay?”_   
_“I... No!” He hoped she’d understand and not react like Tom’s parents had._   
_“You love Tom as well, don’t you?”_   
_Dumbfounded he stared back at her. Had it been that obvious?_   
_“Ever since last night you seem to be far away. It’s okay if you’re gay, honey. You’re our son. The main thing is that you’re happy.”_   
_“Really?”_   
_“Of course.” They hugged for a bit until Chris jumped up._   
_“I have to apologise to him.”_

_He had run as fast as his legs had carried him until he stood in front of Tom’s house. Grabbing a small stone he threw it up at Tom’s window. It was dark already and there was no light visible in the house._   
_Four stones later Chris was about to shout out his love for Tom when a neighbour came by walking her dog._   
_“If you’re looking for the poor Tom, you won’t find him here. The bastards threw him out last night. Saw him in the park this morning.”_   
_Thanking her Chris ran to the park but there was no sign of Tom. Nobody had seen him._

_He’d searched the entire town with his parents for the next 2 weeks but Tom was gone. Just like that. From one moment to the next. They’d even went to the police but they said the parents had to report him missing. Well, that wasn’t going to happen._   
  


He’d actually thought he’d never see him again. Smiling to himself he thought about the wild nest of curls on Tom’s head. Still the same. He’d also looked rather well. He knew Tom was playing in the streets, so he just had to walk about a little in his spare time, maybe he’d find him.

Two days after he’d seen him Chris remembered something. He should have known Tom would be in New York as he once had told him that he’d love to be on Broadway one day singing and dancing in a musical.

  
_Tom lay naked beside him with his legs spread and Chris knew if he’d sit up he could see his seed running out of his boyfriend. Tom’s own seed was covering his chest in white ropes leading down to his now flaccid cock lying on his belly. The radio was on but Chris didn’t really listen, he just concentrated on his naked boyfriend._   
_Then from one moment to the next Tom had jumped up turning up the volume and started dancing. At first Chris watched in wonder until he broke out laughing as it was kind of ridiculous. From the bed he could see his cum running down Tom’s thigh as he twirled. Chris still hadn’t stopped laughing when the song was over, so Tom came over to him and punched his shoulder._   
_“What’s so funny?” He truly sounded offended._   
_“Don’t get me wrong, baby, you’re dancing beautifully but it just looked too ridiculous with my sperm running down your thigh._   
_Tom had punched him again as a new song came up. “I swear if you laugh again, I won’t sleep with you anymore.”_   
_So Chris just sat cross-legged in the bed watching him. Tom had told him about his dream of becoming a musical star and Chris told him he surely was good enough for it._

_In the end Tom’s naked dancing had Chris turned on more than anything - watching Tom’s beautiful cock fly about in his dance moves. So he eventually got up and grabbed Tom. Bending him over his desk he fucked him from behind with the result of Tom’s sperm all over his own homework._  
 _Afterwards he’d just wiped it off smearing the ink a little. “Spilled some water over it, Mr. Smithers.” He said shrugging his shoulders and they_ both started laughing.  
  


Chris couldn’t stop wondering if Tom’s dream had come true.


	3. Tom’s Misery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's New Year's Eve when Tom and Chris meet again. With horrible consequences...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Make sure you've read the tags before reading this chapter

Chris had to work on New Year's Eve so it was about 7.30 when he headed down the street towards the hospital. He wanted to grab some food on the way and was already thinking about what to order at the little Mexican restaurant one block from the hospital. He was just passing the park which he tried to avoid as he’d been told that it was a place where criminals met. He actually once saw a guy dealing drugs just behind a bush right at the street. Ever since he walked past it on the other side of the street. But even from there he’d occasionally caught a glance of the mostly male streetwalkers waiting for customers in the other side of the park.  
He was deep in thoughts when his eyes suddenly fell on a figure walking towards him on the other side of the street. He basically did a double take. It was dark but he was pretty sure he knew the figure. The curly hair, the skinny frame and the razor-sharp cheek bones. “Tom!”

* * *

Tom was on the way to work as well. New Year's Eve was usually a quite good night as most guys were quite generous then. In the last days his thoughts repeatedly had wandered back to Chris and their past. It felt horrible. He remembered how happy he’d been one day and then everything fell apart. His parents kicking him out hadn’t been the worst as they didn’t have an all too close relationship. Actually he’d often felt like he bothered them. No. The worst had been Chris face and reaction. Instead of being at his side he’d dropped him like a hot potato.  
Sometimes Tom wondered if Chris had come to his that evening apologising and telling him that he had been caught totally off guard by Tom’s public announcement, he’d most likely forgiven him.

Shaking his head lightly he focussed back on his way as there were some slippery areas and then when he looked up he saw someone on the other side of the street. That wasn’t possible!  
Until now it seemed as if Chris hadn’t seen him, so he looked around himself for a place to hide. Unfortunately the only possibility was an alleyway a couple of feet ahead of him. Tugging up the collar of his jacket he lowered his head walking a little faster. This fucking city was how big??? And Chris had to walk on the same street as him. How high were the chances for that?

“Tom!”  
He flinched lightly hearing his name from Chris’ mouth and the last thing he wanted was to meet him. Luckily there were a few cars driving by and Chris couldn’t cross the street and right when a bus blocked the view Tom disappeared into the alley running down it quickly. It would lead to the park and he’d hide there somewhere.  
His heart was racing when he crouched down behind a bush panting hard and only a few seconds later a tall, strong figure emerged from the alley calling his name. God, Chris face hadn’t changed much but his shoulders were definitely broader now and his biceps looked fucking huge. Somehow Tom wished he’d have the courage to confront him but then he would have to admit that he had become a fucking whore and he was too proud to tell his ex that. Besides it was partly his fault.

* * *

“Shit!” Chris cursed when he had lost sight of Tom. But where could he have gone? Looking around Chris soon found there was only one answer. The alley! Running down the dark alley Chris wondered why Tom had run. He must have heard him. Was he deliberately avoiding him?  
At the end of the alley Chris found himself standing in the park. He felt slightly creepy. Where the hell was Tom? Was he doing drugs and knew the park well enough to hide somewhere? No. He’d never do that!  
“Tom!” Looking around he couldn’t see a thing as it was totally dark here, there weren’t even some lamps. Through some trees he saw someone running and without thinking he quickly followed that person only to see that it was some stranger. Fuck! Shaking his head he decided to head back the way he came, after all he had to work in a little more than an hour.  
He was almost back at the alley when his eyes landed on a figure with curly hair walking towards the other side of the park where he’d seen the streetwalkers. Furrowing his brows Chris followed him. He didn’t want to scare him off so Chris quietly followed Tom.  
With wide eyes Chris watched as Tom greeted another guy standing there. They talked briefly until Tom went down the road a bit further. Soon Chris would have to leave the park and hoping Tom wouldn’t see him immediately he already planned what he’d say in his head.

* * *

“Hey, Ben. How are you?” They hugged briefly and made some small talk until Tom headed down to his usual spot. He’d waited until he hadn’t seen Chris anymore before emerging from his hiding place almost stepping into some discarded injection needles.  
It was fucking freezing, so hopefully it wouldn’t take too long until an interesting offer came up. He hadn’t even finished the thought when he saw a familiar car turning into the street. It surely wasn’t his favourite customer as he had some weird kinks but payment was good. Sure enough the car stopped in front of him a moment later. The window came down and Tom stepped up to the black SUV.  
“Good evening, Mr. Mayor. How are you?”  
“Hi, Timmy. 1500 bucks for a bareback fuck. What do you say?”  
Rolling his eyes Tom looked at him “How many times?! I don’t do bareback.”  
“Oh, come on. $ 1500!”  
From the corner of his eye Tom caught some movement and when he slightly turned his head his heart nearly stopped. Only about 50 feet down the street Chris suddenly appeared running towards him. Fuck!  
“$100 is enough. But with condom.” Tom put on his most flirtatious tone. He’d normally at least charge $ 150.  
“You can’t get enough of my cock, can you? Now get in here, Timmy. You must be freezing.”  
Thinking about it he saw Chris was fucking close he could clearly see his still handsome face. “Okay.” Panic had grabbed him and just as he’d opened the door Chris slipped and fell. Relieved Tom shut the door behind him and the mayor drove off.

* * *

Cursing Chris looked at the Chrysler with Tom driving down the road. He couldn’t believe it. Tom seemed to be a prostitute. Fucking shit!

* * *

Turning up the heating Tom held his cold hands over the vents.  
“Why are you insisting in using a condom? I’m clean and so are you, right?”  
“It’s for my own safety. I’ve met enough, well, colleagues who got infected with something because their customers said they were clean.”  
“But you’re giving blowjobs without protection.”  
“Yeah, but I never swallow and if they’ve got a rash or something I don’t do it at all.”  
“You won’t even make an exception for a regular?”  
Shaking his head Tom rubbed his hands against one another.  
“Come on! You know me. You know who I am!”  
“No. If you’re only interested in bareback tonight, you can just as well drop me off here again and get another boy.”  
“Okay, okay. Fine, Timmy. But I can tie you down again?”  
God, he hated his whore name. “Okay. Sure.” In the past he’d often been tied down by him. They had started with a scarf that Tom could have easily opened if he’d wanted to but meanwhile he trusted the mayor enough to use proper bondage equipment.  
“You always look so fucking gorgeous with those leather cuffs and impaled on my cock.”  
Dirty talking was one of the mayor's kinks but Tom didn’t mind it. There had been worse things being said to him.  
“You don’t have to be at some important occasion tonight?” Tom asked.  
“No.” They were heading towards Times Square now and once they reached a barrier they were let through by the police. Eventually they pulled into an underground car park.

The weird thing with the mayor was that he always brought Tom to a different apartment. As many others he also was married, so of course he wouldn’t take him home but where did he have all these apartments from. Even before he became mayor they’d be in a different place every time.  
They got out of the car and into the lift where the mayor pressed the button for the top floor before pushing Tom against a wall and palming his genitals through the fabric of his jeans.

A loud bing startled them and the door opened on their floor. “Come on, Timmy. This way. I think you’ll love this.” They headed down a hallway where he opened the door with a key card and as the door slowly opened Tom’s jaw dropped. Fascinated he stepped inside and over to the floor to ceiling windows with a perfect view of Times Square and the thousands of people celebrating down there.  
The mayor stepped up to him hugging him from behind. “You like it?”  
“I wouldn’t want to be down there actually. But seeing it from up here...”  
Chuckling the mayor slowly let his hand glide up Tom’s chest underneath his thin sweater until he reached his nipples where he slowly started to rub at the younger man’s sensitive buds until a moan left his lips.  
“You’re so beautiful when you moan. Come on, Timmy. Take off your clothes and then we’ll start.”  
“Sure.” As the mayor took a few steps away from him he half turned only to see a black table facing the window. Well, seemed like he wouldn’t be tied to a bed today.  
Stripping off his clothes he eventually stood naked staring down at the huge crowd of people.  
“Here, I’ve got you something to drink.” He handed him a glass of champagne. “I know you don’t drink whilst working. But it’s New Year’s Eve after all.”  
“Sure. Cheers.”

The glasses soon were empty and Tom’s eyes landed on the weird looking table again.  
“You’re curious about it, aren’t you?” The mayor laughed.  
“A little.” Tom actually had enjoyed the bondage things occasionally as it added some spice.  
“Then come on. Hips up here.” Tom climbed up on the table and in no time his arms were tied to one end of the table and his feet to the other end. “That’s it. You look so beautiful like that. So fuckable.” The mayor fastened the last bindings just beneath his knees. “Perfect.”

Tom watched the mayor walking around him before stopping at his side and reaching for his cock. Stroking him to hardness the mayor teased Tom’s erection for a bit until there was a ringing. It took Tom a bit to realise that it was the door bell, only when the mayor opened the door and he could see the reflection of a group of guys walking in he slowly realised what was going on.  
“You haven’t promised too much, John. He’s absolutely lovely.” There was agreeing mumbling and suddenly Tom was surrounded by about ten men, that was when he started to panic.  
“Please open the bindings. I want to go.”  
“So shy for a whore?” One guy said grabbing Tom’s fading erection and stroking him a few times.  
He tried to get up but his arms being bound to the end of the table kept him in this slightly bend over position.  
“We’ll make sure you’re having a good time, sweet boy.” Another guy said petting his head.  
“And we’ll fill your whore ass to the brim with our come.” The mayor again and when Tom felt someone kneel behind him he panicked even more tugging at his bonds wildly but no matter what he couldn’t stop it – couldn’t stop the mayor from sinking his bare cock into his ass. Horrified Tom looked at the man’s reflection in the big window as he sank deeper into him.  
“No! Stop! I want to leave now.”  
All around him was chuckling and a man he’d seen somewhere before stepped up next to his head. “You don’t get it, fucking slut, you won’t go anywhere. Not until you’ve worked a bit for the $ 1500.”  
“No. I’ve never agreed to this. This is rape!”  
Again they laughed and another guy said “You’re being paid well, whore. So shut up and try to enjoy it.” The guy tugged out his cock and slowly all the man around him took off their clothes. There was more laughing when the mayor started a brutal pace and Tom let out a pained grunt. This couldn’t be happening! Wildly tugging at his bonds and thrashing his body around he also screamed as loud as he could – at least until they shoved a ring gag into his mouth. Next thing he knew one of the guys was climbing on the table in front of him and roughly gripping his curls he shoved his mouth onto his cock face-fucking him roughly.

* * *

Chris thoughts were still circling around Tom. It couldn’t be true. Tom wasn’t a whore. No fucking way! This must be a misunderstanding. Maybe a friend had just picked him up there as it was on his way.  
God! Who was he fooling? His high school darling was a whore now. No wonder that he didn’t want to speak to him.  
  


* * *

Tom had lost any sense of time as he was still in this ordeal. His arms and legs terribly hurt as did his jaw and his ass. At some point they had lowered the middle piece and after one guy had climbed beneath him they had shoved him down and now two men’s were filling him with their cocks. He’d given up fighting a while ago and now only let them handle him like a doll whilst silent tears were streaming down his face. There was still someone face-fucking him and two other guys were rubbing their cocks with his fingers.  
Absentmindedly he heard people count down from ten at some point but he still wasn’t free when they had finished and a loud cheer was seemingly coming from everywhere. He felt like he was dead. All fight had left him and so he let himself be pulled into darkness.

* * *

Chris was totally exhausted. What a night! Only two more hours than he could go home and to bed. At least he had managed to call his family briefly after midnight and wished them a happy new year.  
“Chris! We’ve got a guy coming in with hypothermia. They found him unconscious in the park lying in the middle of a mountain of snow. Probably drunk or on drugs.”  
“Okay.” Well, at least a little change as he followed Doctor Alexandra Miller to the entrance. Only about half a minute later the ambulance pulled up. The doors flew open and their patient was rolled out. He had been wrapped in one of those silver blankets to keep him warm. Chris intently listened to the paramedic whilst also overlooking the sheet he’d handed him.  
“He was briefly conscious mumbling no all over again.”  
“Okay. Thanks.” They had just entered one of the exam rooms and pulled the stretcher next to the examining table. Chris handed the case sheet to a nurse before turning around and grabbing a edge of the blanket. “On three. One. Two...” Then his eyes landed on his patient. Tom!  
Through some haze he heard someone call three and they lifted the body from the stretcher to the examining table.

“You alright, Chris.”  
Shaking his head he looked at Alexandra and nodded. He could - and would - help Tom.  
“Let’s get him out of his wet clothes and get some warm saline running.”  
Tom’s lips were lightly blue and Chris wondered what happened. Had someone drugged him. Staring at him Chris watched as they pulled off his clothe. A nurse started to cut open Tom’s sweater while Alexandra opened his pants.  
“Fucking shit, what’s this?”  
Following the nurses glance Chris saw Tom’s wrist. It was black and blue and then he saw an equally dark bruise around his neck. He couldn’t quite think when Alexandra said what his mind didn’t want to see.  
“Okay, guys. I guess he’s been victim to a crime, so his clothes are evidence. Lisa! Call the police.”  
Totally in shock Chris took a step back watching as they completely undressed Tom. His cock was bigger than he remembered and he was skinnier but other than that it was his Tom. The freckles he’d once loved to kiss...  
“What on Earth is that?!” Like a robot he moved towards where Alexandra was standing and saw something silver poking out between Tom’s butt cheeks. He also saw there were more bruises on Tom’s ankles, beneath his knees and on his hips. This couldn’t be true.  
“Chris, grab his leg. Carefully.” Absentmindedly he did and watched how his Tom was spread open until he lay as he had numerous times before him just before they’d make love. Only that Tom’s pucker was hidden by something and when he read the word on the base of the butt plug he suddenly felt sick.  
Quickly turning around he threw up in a dustbin only half registering Alexandra’s voice saying “Shit! I think we’re dealing with a rape victim.”

Wiping his hand over his mouth he slowly turned towards Tom again and when he saw a river of sperm running from his body he spun around throwing up again.  
He still stood with his head down in case another wave of sickness overcame him when Alexandra stepped up beside him patting his back. “As this is your first time, it’s okay. Although wouldn’t the patient be unconscious you would have made him feel even worse. So if this happens again make sure to leave the room.”

A while later there was a knock on the door and looking over his shoulder he saw two officers come in, a woman and an older man.  
“You’ve got something for us?”  
“Yes, probably a rape victim. Male. Around his twenties I’d say. He...”  
“His name is Tom.” Chris heard himself say. Everyone in the room was staring at him now.  
“You know him?” Alexandra finally asked.  
Nodding Chris said “We were in school together.” He couldn’t say more as until now he’d never admitted to anyone – apart from his mum – that he was gay.  
“Why didn’t you say so?”  
“Out of shock, I guess.” Shrugging his shoulders he looked at Tom, who was now covered in a warm blanket and a saline injection in his arm.  
“Those are his things?” The male cop gripped the bags with Tom’s clothes.  
“ Yes.”

Meanwhile Chris was still staring at his big love only to realise that he still loved him. Tears had started to stream down his face when the female cop grabbed him by the shoulder and led him outside.  
“Can you tell me his last name as well, so we can inform his family?”  
“He doesn’t have any. They kicked him out when he was 16. I haven’t seen him since.”  
“Oh. But his last name is?”  
“Hiddleston. They moved here from England when he was 13.”  
“You don’t happen to know his birthday as well?”  
Nodding Chris told her. She was just about to ask something else when her colleague opened the door holding a bundle of cash. “$ 1500. Might not be rape after all.”  
That made Chris angry. They hadn’t seen his injuries. In no way this had been consensual. Should he tell them about the Chrysler? He even remembered a part of the license plate. But then they’d surely not investigate any further as it would be obvious that he was a prostitute. Fuck? What was he supposed to do?

* * *

Tom still felt so sleepy when he woke up and he was so cold. He didn’t want to open his eyes as he was afraid to still be there. Then something touched his butt hole and he just about managed not to flinch. Only now he realised that his legs were lifted up and in stirrups. No! His nightmare wasn’t over just yet. There was also something tightly wrapped around his wrists and he fought a sob wanting to come out.  
“Okay. Just a bit more, then we’re done.” It was a female voice. Where the hell was he? Eventually the cold and fear made his body start shaking and another female voice said “I think he woke up, Doctor.”  
He felt something cover his lower body and a moment later the first voice was close to his head. “Can you hear me, Tom? I’m Doctor Alexandra Miller. You’re in hospital. You’re safe.”  
The last words broke him and he started sobbing loudly. Blinking his eyes he saw a tall dark-haired woman looking at him. To his surprise her face wasn’t full of pity or disgust but of concern and when he let out another heart-breaking sob she carefully hugged him.

* * *

Chris was officially off the clock but he didn’t want to leave. He knew Alexandra would secure the evidence in the exam room in front of which he was pacing. Then he heard a sob. He stopped dead in his tracks listening more closely and wanted to burst into the room but didn’t dare to. There was a painful sting in his chest when Tom apparently broke out in tears. If only he could safe him the pain...

* * *

Eventually Tom’s tears had dried and the doctor sat next to him holding his hands. “I know it’s hard but I wasn’t completely finished with securing the evidence. Is it okay if I continue?”  
He felt so empty – just like he’d felt in the time after that one night his parents had kicked him out. Shrugging his shoulders he thought about what to do next. He couldn’t go back to being a whore. He actually doubted that he ever could have sex in his life again without running away screaming. Should he tell the police who it had been? Would they believe him? He hardly could believe that he’d been raped by the mayor, some famous TV presenter and some others.  
Meanwhile the doctor was back between his once more lifted legs using a black light. He didn’t believe that the DNA samples would help them.  
Suddenly he had to think that most of the men had also face-fucked him and also come all over his body. Feeling sick all of a sudden he rolled to the side and threw up on the floor.

“Sorry.” He apologised with tears in his eyes to the nurse standing next to him afterwards.  
“It’s okay. Don’t worry.” She smiled down at him.  
“Can I have a bath when you’re done?” He felt so filthy. If he could he would have peeled his skin off.  
“Sure. Almost done. You’re really brave.”  
An awkward laugh came from him before he broke down crying again.


	4. Help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom feels quite numb after what happened. Can Chris help him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait but I've been on holidays and then the whole world started to turn upside down.  
> You can imagine what it's like to be a travel agent these days...  
> Hopefully this shit will be over sooner rather than later and everybody working in tourism will keep their jobs!
> 
> I know this isn't a happy story but maybe I can distract your thoughts a little.

Finally the doctor was done and he just couldn’t stop crying.  
“Rosie would you bring Tom to the bathroom and help him wash?”  
His heart suddenly seemed to have stopped. How did they know his name? He had nothing on him that gave it away.  
The nurse meanwhile was helping him up. He was in one of these hospital gowns with an open back. Great! Once he was trying to sit up he noticed just how sore his ass was and he nearly screamed but managed to turn it into a sob before quickly jumping up only to let out a pained gasp as his ankles hardly carried his weight.  
“Easy, Tom. I’ll get a wheel chair to bring you to the bathroom.” The nurse explained calmly and he was about to protest when he thought about how he’d probably waddle down the hallway – if he could at all. Once she was gone he finally noticed that his wrists where wrapped in thick white bandages as were his ankles.

* * *

Chris watched from around the corner how the nurse slowly brought Tom down the hallway to the bathroom and only moments later the two cops and Doctor Rutland, a psychologist, headed inside the examining room. He listen how they took even the sheet Tom had been lying on as evidence.  
“Did he say anything?” The female officer asked.  
“No. He just cried a lot.”  
“But he didn’t say that he’s been raped?” The male officer asked.  
“No. But with his injuries it’s obvious. Here are the pictures we took by the way.”  
“We’ve found him in our data base, Doctor Miller. He’s been arrested for prostitution once before. Gave the wrong name but it’s definitely him. So who says that he wasn’t paid for this. The money we found proofs this.”  
“In no way this was consensual. Look at these injuries.”  
“Well, maybe he was paid to play non-consensual and apart from a couple of bruises there weren’t any injuries, right?”  
“No. Luckily there isn’t any laceration. But he’s quite sore and considering the amount of sperm it was more than one man.”  
“Well, he’s a whore. God knows how much he’s ‘worked’ the last couple of days.”  
“Are you fucking kidding?” Chris felt sick again and just like Alexandra he slowly felt angry at the cops. Didn’t seem they would do anything. “If you had just earned $ 1500 would you lie in a mountain of snow to celebrate? They fucking dumped him there when they were through with him. And as souvenir they shoved this plug into him!”  
“We understand your anger, Doctor Miller, but we have to consider all circumstances. When can we question him?” The female cop was way calmer than her male colleague.  
“He’s having a bath now and then we’ll bring him to the third floor.”  
“Doctor Clemons is our specialist for rape victims. She’ll be here in about an hour. She’ll talk to him first before you can question him.”  
“What about his family?” Alexandra wanted to know.  
“Well, we’ve called them but like your colleague said they don’t want to know anything about this, just said ‘we don’t have son' and hung up.”  
“And here in New York?”  
“We don’t have an address so either he lives on the street or is not registered.”  
“Okay then. Give us a call when we can talk to him.”

Chris couldn’t hold back his tears as he slowly headed down the hallway to the doctor’s lounge. He needed to talk to someone. Grabbing his mobile he went into a laundry cupboard sinking to the floor. He was just thinking about whether it was okay to call his mum at 7.49 in New Year’s when the door opened and nurse Olivia came in.  
“Is he okay?” Chris asked her.  
“Well, not really.” She grabbed a set of their clothing. “Doesn’t want to be half naked. Obviously.” She was already at the door again when she turned towards Chris “He’s more than just a boy you know from school, isn’t he?”  
Nodding Chris broke out sobbing.

* * *

Tom really enjoyed the hot bath. It had taken a bit to convince the nurse to take the bandages off but she finally had before helping him into the tub. As he hardly could hold the wash cloth due to his aching wrists she had basically washed him which only had made him cry again.  
Now she was gone to get him something to wear as he had asked for proper pants and a shirt. She was taking her time Tom thought when he had a sudden flashback.

  
_“Fill him to the brim. Fucking whore!”_   
_“Give me that plug!”_   
_His whole body was aching. Finally they’d taken off the gag as he was limply lying there. It was finally over. And then they’d shoved something into his aching backside._   
_“That’ll keep you slut properly filled!” There was laughing as silent tears streamed down his face._   
_“Peter and Marcus get rid of the whore.”_   
  


Feeling utterly filthy again he turned to the side and ignoring the pain in his wrist and hole he wildly started to scrub his insides.

He was still doing this when the nurse came back with a set of green doctor’s clothes. “What are you doing, Tom?” She was shocked to see the young man like that. He’d obviously hurt himself a little as the water was a slight pink now.  
His face was a mask of terror but no matter what she said he didn’t seem to hear her. She tried to stop him by reaching for his arm but despite being skinny he was rather strong. She needed help.

* * *

Chris was still sitting on the floor of the cupboard. He had decided against calling his mum as she surely was still sleeping. Once again he was thinking about whether to tell the police about the SUV when the door flew open and Olivia looked at him slightly panicked.  
“I need your help!” As he knew she was taking care of Tom he jumped up immediately. Something must be wrong. He quickly followed her down the hallway and when she opened the door he felt panic rise in himself as well.  
“We need him to stop before he seriously hurts himself!”  
Nodding Chris walked up to the tub and carefully grabbed Tom’s arm.  
“DON’T FUCKING TOUCH ME!”  
“Easy. I’m here, Tom. Nobody will hurt you.” He gently held his shoulders.  
It seemed as if Tom’s mind would clear and finally stopped what he was doing. Instead he now tried to push Chris away, who quickly grabbed him around the upper arms.  
“Haldol, Doctor?”  
Shaking his head he reached into the tub not bothering about himself getting soaking wet and lifted Tom out of the by now red water. He put him down on a stool trying to avoid Tom’s fists.  
“Please, Tom, we’re only here to help you. You need to calm down.”  
“GET THE FUCK OUT!”

* * *

Tom couldn’t believe that Chris was there. At the hospital. How could that be?! His heart was racing and his wrists hurt even more now but Chris just wouldn’t let go of him. Suddenly a sting in his arm drew his attention and he just saw how the nurse pulled out a needle.  
“I said no!” Chris glared at her.  
“His wrists are badly sprained already. Do you want him to break anything and hurt himself even more than he had been already anyway?!” Their eyes went down to his crotch and when his glance followed theirs he could see a thin trail of blood running down to the floor between his legs. Good. He also felt the stinging in his butt now. The blood would wash away everything. Good. Very good.

All of a sudden he felt very sleepy and when the nurse and Chris started to dry him off he wanted to protest but his mouth didn’t move. They were just drying his hair when the door opened again and that doctor from earlier came in.  
“What happened? And what are you doing in here, Chris?”  
“I needed help because Tom hurt himself. He probably just wanted to wash but was a bit to rough and he wouldn’t stop. Chris was closest to help. He lifted him out of the tub but he wouldn’t stop fighting, so we gave him Haldol.”  
“Let’s get him to exam room 9. I’ll check him.”

The fluffy towel was wrapped around him and suddenly it felt like flying. Blinking his eyes he looked up at Chris. His Chris. He cuddled his head against his firm chest but all too soon he was down on Earth again.  
“You’ll wait outside!” The doctor sounded angry but he didn’t want Chris to leave. He didn’t want to be alone. Chris would protect him. “Get the mobile x-ray. We need to check his wrists again.”

It felt like he was watching all these medical procedures were done to someone else. Bandages were put back on his wrists and ankles after the x-ray, which wasn’t bad.  
“Tom, I’m sorry but I need to check your rectum now. I know you don’t want it but we have to make sure you’re not badly injured.”  
He wanted to protest as they moved his legs up into stirrups but all that came out was a whine.  
“Easy. I just want to help you.”  
He felt something enter him...

  
_“He’s really tight for a whore!”_   
_..._   
_“God! Look at his hole. Filled to the brim!”_   
_..._   
_“Those curls are cute!”_   
_“Don’t rip them out then. We want to face-fuck him as well!”_   
_..._   
_“He looks like fucking 16!”_   
_..._   
_“When we’re through with him you probably can stuff five cocks up his whore hole!”_   
  


No! Not again. Tears started to stream down his face as all the nasty words and the pain came back to him.  
“Shhhhh. Almost done. Get me the numbing cream.” Again something entered him and he wanted to scream but he couldn’t. Was he still gagged?  
That was when he fainted.

* * *

Chris nervously paced up and down outside the examining room. For a moment it had felt as if Tom cuddled into him when he carried him over from the bathroom. Tears had welled up in his eyes as he had to think about the terror in Tom’s face when he had entered the bathroom. His poor baby. How could anyone do this to his friend?!  
Suddenly he knew what to do so he searched for the cops and soon found them in the cafeteria. Walking over to them he sat down “I need to tell you something...”  
He started with how he knew Tom and that he’d followed him last night to talk to him and finished with Tom getting into a black Chrysler SUV with the license plate 5QM at the end.

“So he’s a whore.”  
“What?” Chris stared back at the male cop - O'Donnell - as his name tag said.  
“Well, he got into the car willingly. I mean $ 1500 are a nice sum for a whore.”  
“In no way this was consensual!” Chris protested. “He nearly fractured his wrists trying to escape.”  
“Thanks, Chris.” The female cop – Conners – said calmly. “We’ll investigate that. But it’s possible that it was just a normal client for your friend and maybe later someone else picked him up.”  
“You really want to blame Tom for what happened?! Fuck! I shouldn’t have talked to you!” Shit! Maybe he had made a mistake by telling them.  
Tom was just some whore to them. Shaking his head he went back to the ER where he bumped into a group of doctor’s discussing what to do with his friends.

“We can’t just kick him out! Both his wrists and ankles are sprained.” Alexandra argued.  
“He has no insurance! We can’t keep him until he’s completely healed. A week max.” That was their chief.  
“Well, he’s not going to the Ortho. We’ve got more important cases.”  
“Well, then psychiatry. After all you’ve just said he hurt himself earlier.”  
“I’ve got no problem with taking him upstairs but with his arms and legs hurt he can’t get up on his own to, for example, use the bathroom.” A young woman Chris didn’t know said calmly.  
“Well, he’ll get a catheter. And you’ve got patients up there who are tied to the bed as well, so where is the problem?”  
“Problem solved. One week max! Is that clear, Doctor Clemons?”  
“He’s been raped! Do you want him to end up dead because he killed himself!”  
“One week!”

* * *

When Tom woke up again he was in a different room, it was all white and sterile. There was a small window to his left through which he saw that the snow was falling yet again. Inhaling deeply he noticed the pain in his body again. His wrists were the worst throbbing like hell, second was the pain in his ankles and last came a dull throbbing in his butt which somehow brought everything back crashing down on him.  
Silently tears started to run down his face as he watched the snow falling outside.

A bit later there was a knock on the door and the opening sound of a lock and a young woman walked in.  
“Hello, Tom. I’m Emma Clemons. How are you feeling?”  
He just stared at her for a moment. Great! They’ve put him into the psychiatry. But he wasn’t crazy.  
“Stupid question. I know. But I’m here to help you cope with what happened.”  
“What do you know?” He wanted to roll to his side but there was a tugging sensation at his penis. Lifting the blanket he saw they’d put him in some doctor’s clothes and a thin tube was coming out of the pants. Well, at least it wasn’t that stupid hospital gown.  
“As you’re ankles are hurt Doctor Miller had to insert a catheter.”  
“Whatever.” Turning his head away from her he stared out the window.  
“I know you’re not ready for this but the police would like to ask you some questions. Is that okay?”  
The last thing he wanted was to talk about what had happened, so he shook his head.  
“Okay. Maybe tomorrow then. We’ll get you something to eat and then you can sleep if you want.”

The last thing he wanted was to sleep as the moment he closed his eyes even for the briefest time he was back at that apartment surrounded by men who wanted to use his body. No. He’d never sleep again in his life.


	5. Questions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another tough chapter.
> 
> And we learn a bit more about Tom's past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess I should write a more joyful story in times like this. I hope you all are well.

Chris felt so utterly helpless. He had tried to go home and sleep a little as he would have to work the night shift again but he couldn’t sleep. The image of a obviously horrified Tom haunting him.  
At 1 pm he gave up. Getting dressed he called his mum whilst making a quick lunch.  
“Why aren’t you sleeping, darling?” His mum immediately was worried.  
“Something happened, mum. I...” He tried to suppress his tears “I’ve seen Tom again last night...”  
Fighting his tears he told her everything from the evening before until to what happened this morning leaving away the worst details. “I don’t know what to do, mum. I want to be there for him but I’m sure he won’t let me.”  
“Fucking shit, Chris!” He’d never heard his mum curse like that before.

There was a long silence until she sighed. “You can try to be there for him. Tell him that you’re there for him no matter what. And maybe he’ll let you.”  
“I think I still love him, mum. I... When I saw him like that, I just wanted to kill the people who did this. I still do. It’s...”  
“Don’t overwhelm him with your feelings, darling. Give him time. He’s got enough to cope with right now.”  
“I know, mum. I just want to protect him. He’s so skinny, mum. I mean he never was bulky or anything but you could see every rib. And his wrists... I don’t think he was well before... everything.”  
“Well, of course he wasn’t. He’s under psychological supervision, I guess?”  
“Yes. But the chief already announced that they should kick him out after one week. Fucking idiot.”  
“Well, maybe you should talk to his doctor and tell them about his past as well. It’s surely better if they’ve got the whole picture.”

One hour later Chris exited the lift at the psychiatric ward at his hospital.  
“Hi. I'm Chris Hemsworth. I’m assistant doctor at the ER I need to talk to Doctor Clemons, please.” He was so nervous, he hardly could speak.  
“Hang on, I’ll see if she’s in her office.”  
“Thanks.”

Nervously Chris was pacing until the door to the ward opened again. “You can go in. Third on the right.”  
Thanking the nurse again Chris entered the sterile hallway. There were no chairs, no pictures, just ugly yellow walls and an even uglier grey floor.  
The door was open already but he still knocked. He knew that Emma Clemons was one of the best psychiatrist in the country and one of the youngest as well but now that he stood opposite of her she looked even younger than she was.  
“How can I help you, Doctor Hemsworth?”  
“Just Chris, please.” He slowly closed the door behind him. “I need to talk to you about something. Someone.”  
“Tom?” Dumbstruck he stared back at her. “Well, I’ve heard you had a rather extreme reaction when you saw what happened. And actually Doctor Miller wanted me to talk to you. She said you knew Tom from when you were in school.”  
“Yes. I... It’s more than ‘know him', though. I loved him. Still do I guess. He was my first big love.”

Chris told her everything from how they’d met for the first time, their rather active sex life back then, what happened with Tom’s parents and how he’d found him again after all this years.

When he’d finished she was quiet for a moment only to hit the bull’s eye with the first thing she said after over 45 minutes.  
“You blame yourself for what happened to him.”  
It wasn’t a question still Chris nodded.  
“For every single thing.”  
“Yes, I mean if I’d been honest back then he wouldn’t have run. He could have stayed with me. Finished school and maybe even become a musical star as he’d always wanted and not a... And he wouldn’t have gotten into that car. It’s all my fault.”

* * *

At some point the light of day had vanished and Tom was lying in the semi-dark of his room. He had rolled to his ride staring out the small window. His mind was racing and tears slowly rolled down his cheek. Seeing Chris again had caused so much pain and now that he was alone in this room his mind seemed to have conspired against him. He soon realised the pain wasn’t of betrayal but shame. Shame what he had done to them. It was all his own fault. The night he’d told his parents he should have talked to Chris beforehand. It wasn’t Chris’ fault that they’d kicked him out. It wasn’t Chris’ fault that he’d sucked cocks to get to New York. And it certainly wasn’t Chris’ fault that he’d become a fucking whore.

His thoughts also went back to last night. If only he had the strength to talk to his former lover, nothing would have happened. But instead he was just too much of a coward and he had gotten into the mayor's car when his instinct had actually screamed ‘NO' at him. But what would have been the alternative? Telling him that he earned his money by selling his body, that he lived on the street ever since he was 16, that he hardly had enough money to eat properly. No. He couldn’t have done that. Maybe being confronted by Chris would actually have been worse, now that he was thinking about it.  
He had been stupid. He just should have held still and let them have him. It wasn’t like he hadn’t done this numerous times before. Well, apart from the bareback thing. Maybe he even would have enjoyed himself then – after all he’d always loved sex.

_Chris had pressed pause on the game controller and stopped Super Mario racing along the track. Cursing Tom stared at his Yoshi on the screen about to win yet another race._   
_Eventually he looked at his new friend who’d been sitting right next to him their hips touching all the time. “You’re so fucking beautiful, Tom.” Chris was staring at him and a moment later his hand was on Tom’s thigh inching upwards._   
_“I... I’m winning. We can’t stop now.” Tom argued._   
_Smirking Chris reached for the Nintendo and switched it off._   
_“Hey!” Tom’s upcoming protest was muffled by Chris pressing his lips onto his kissing him clumsily._   
_“God, I’ve been wanting to do that for two weeks now.” They’d hung out pretty much every day since the basketball match but not doing anything. A couple of times Chris had tried to talk about being gay with Tom but he’d always switched to another topic and frankly Chris was sick of it._   
_“We can’t. It’s bad. We’ll end up in hell.”_   
_“What?!” Chris couldn’t believe what he’d just heard._   
_“It’s not normal. We’re sick. Th...”_   
_Chris kissed him again whilst grabbing Tom’s wrist and putting it on his erection. “I don’t know where this is coming from, Tom, but I know one thing: I want you like nothing I’ve ever wanted in my life. I want to be intimate with you, touch every inch of this lovely freckled skin before kissing it. And I know you want me as well.” To proof his point the Aussie gently rubbed along Tom’s growing erection._   
_“I... Yes.” And then Tom had kissed him back fiercely pressing him onto the floor. Straddling Chris he’d only stopped to tear off their shirts._   
_Minutes later Tom’s fingers were trying to open Chris pants but he stopped him. “Slower, baby. Take a breath. Let’s go upstairs to your bedroom.”_   
_“Fine.”_

_Once upstairs Tom quickly stripped off his jeans cursing under his breath. “Too fucking tight. Fucking shit.” Chris had to giggle as he slowly sat on the bed watching his boyfriend tearing at his clothes as if they were burning him. Eventually Tom was only in his briefs and Chris’ mouth immediately watered at seeing the Brits pert ass. And then his jaw dropped when Tom turned. His briefs were tenting so that the waistband wasn’t any longer where it belonged._   
_Suddenly feeling self-conscious Tom brought his hands down to cover his huge erection but Chris wouldn’t have it. Quickly getting out of his shorts he stood in front of Tom grabbing his wrists and tugging them aside._   
_“So fucking beautiful. And let nobody tell you differently.” With one swift motion he took off his undies and let his cock spring free before doing the same to Tom._

_For a short while they just stood there and stared at each other’s cock until they developed their own life and twitched against each other. They both let out a groan and took a step closer to each other. And closer. Until their bodies were tightly pressed against each other. They no longer could see their cocks, so instead they focussed on each other’s faces and as their tongues started to dance around each other their cocks did the same._

_An hour later they lay exhausted on Tom’s bed covered in each other’s seed. They’d both cum three times and in return were quite the mess._   
_Foolishly grinning Tom gathered a bit of cum from Chris’ chest with his index finger and licked it off. “Tomorrow I want to suck you off.” The Brit announced blushing furiously._   
_“I can’t wait, baby.” They kissed again rubbing their cum soiled bellies against each other._   
_“Tom?!”_   
_“Shit!” Chris couldn’t help but notice the panic slowly rising in his boyfriend. “That’s my dad. We need to...”_   
_“Calm down, baby. Let’s get dressed.”_   
_Tom was shaking lightly as Chris helped him get into a pair of sweats and a t-shirt before putting on his own stuff quickly. Just in time they finished and thinking quickly Chris grabbed their history book sitting on the floor when Tom’s dad came in._   
  


Tom woke with a gasp at the thought of his heartless father. No. Not his father. Some random man he’d lived with. It was pitch black in his room and he slowly started to shake. It was just too dark. Had they come back for him?  
He wouldn’t let it happen again! He quickly sat up and let out a pained gasp at the rough tug at his cock. No! And then luckily the light went on and he saw that he still was in the hospital.

A nurse came in trying to soothe him but he didn’t listen. He was back when he was 14.

  
_They’d moved to this horrible place and Tom felt so lonely. In school they’d bullied him again so he needed something to make himself feel better. Taking off his pants and undies he got his mum’s body lotion and a towel. The latter he laid out on his bed before putting on Queen's Greatest Hits album._

_Covered by his blanket he fingered his hole. He’d discovered his prostate more by accident once after reading about anal sex. Wanting to understand the attraction of it he’d explored his own hole and was about to stop again when his fingers brushed over the hard glands. From then on he regular had fingered himself wishing he’d be brave enough to have a boyfriend one day who’d use something else to penetrate him._

_He was just sinking a third finger into his stretched, slippery hole when the door flew open. His dad came storming in turning off his CD player._   
_“I don’t want you to listen to such fagot music. Is that clear?”_   
_He’d frozen with his fingers still inside himself. “Dad?” His voice sounded weak._   
_“You know that this fucking fagot died because he couldn’t stop letting other men fuck him. It’s a sickness. No wonder God punishes these fucking fags with AIDS.”_   
_Tom had tears in his eyes but couldn’t say a word._   
_“Why are you in bed at this time of day anyway?”_   
_“I’m not feeling well.” His shaky voice made him actually quite believable._   
_“The youth of today...” Shaking his head he left him alone again._   
_The moment the door closed Tom started sobbing – his fingers still in his hole._

Through tear filled eyes he just caught a glimpse of a needle injecting something in his arm and all of a sudden he felt so sleepy...

When he woke up again the sun was shining through the small window. It felt as if it was mocking him. Turning his back to the window he stared at the wall on the other side of the room where a small Square of golden light brightened the room.

It didn’t take long and the door opened. A nurse was coming in with a tray of food. “I’ve got some breakfast for you. Try to eat a little.”  
She rolled a little table over to his bed and put the tray down before leaving him alone again. Sitting up he stared at the food for a while. He was actually quite hungry but he just didn’t want to eat as the painful throbbing in his backside made him feel horribly sick.  
Eventually he grabbed the spoon and shoved the food back and forth a little to make it look like he’d actually eaten a bit. The only thing he did was drink a bit of juice.

He had just pushed the food away when the door opened and Emma came in.  
“Good morning, Tom.” She grabbed a chair from the corner and put it next to his bed. “You really should eat something.”  
“I’m not hungry.” Tom whispered before turning his head away from her.  
“Your friend Chris sends his greetings and he’d like to visit you.”  
He couldn’t help it but stare back at her “What?”  
“He came to talk to me yesterday. He’s really worried about you.”  
“What’s he doing here anyway?”  
“He’s assistant doctor in the ER.”  
“Course he is.” Tom huffed as he felt more ashamed than ever.  
“I’m really sorry, Tom, but the police insist to talk to you. I tried to send them away but they won’t.”  
“Whatever.” Nothing mattered anymore anyway.  
Emma got up patting his shoulder. “I’ll stay and if you need to stop just look at me. Okay?” Nodding he stared out the window as he heard steps, then the door before there were voices and more steps.

A woman cleared her throat but he didn’t move. “Hi, Tom. I’m officer Lisa Conners and that’s my colleague Marvin O'Donnell. We would like to ask you some questions.” As there was no reaction from him after a while she just started. “We have a witness who saw you get into a black SUV that night. Was that one of the men who’d allegedly raped you?”  
Who had tol... Chris! “Yes.”  
“Did you know the man? Have you had sex with him before?”  
“Yes.”  
“Do you know his name?”  
He couldn’t tell them that it was the fucking mayor as they wouldn’t believe him anyway. “No.”  
“Can you describe him?”  
Finally he turned his head towards them and froze. Another of his rapists had a name now. Marvin O'Donnell. And he was currently smirking at him. “I... Early 50s maybe. Short, dark hair. Brown eyes.”  
She waited for him to continue and when he didn’t she asked “Is that all you can say?”  
“No. Normal sized cock. Circumcised. He fucked me first.” Suddenly Tom was angry, angry at his helplessness. And one of the rapists being a cop didn’t make it better.

“Do you need to stop, Tom?” Emma was at his side and he realised that he’d gripped the sheets rather hard which in return made his wrists hurt.  
“No.”  
“It’s understandable that you’re angry, Tom. But we’re here to help you.” He nearly started laughing at that and Marvin's smirk got bigger as well. “Do you remember where he brought you?”  
“Times Square.” Tom could hear the crowd cheering below him all the time as he had been raped.  
“What?”  
“It was an apartment facing Times Square.”  
“What happened then?”  
“He tried to make me more comfortable. I stripped and he tied me to some weird table.”  
“You let him tie you down?” Her face had a shocked expression on it.  
“Wasn’t the first time.” Tom shrugged his shoulders.  
“And then?”  
“Suddenly the door opened and a group of men came in. Laughing.” Silent tears were starting to run down his face. “I wanted to leave but I was tied down. They didn’t use condoms. Someone gagged me when I didn’t stop to protest and then they also used my mouth.”  
The room was deadly silent and Tom caught a glimpse of Marvin palming his cock through his pants.  
“So...” Lisa cleared her throat “You definitely didn’t agree to it? You clearly said you didn’t want it?”  
“Of course I did.”  
“You didn’t agree to play along for a quite generous amount of money – let’s say $ 1500?”  
150 times 10 Tom felt more tears well up in his eyes. He should have known that the mayor wouldn’t offer that sum for a simple bareback fuck. “No. I didn’t get any money.”  
“Well, we’ve found $ 1500 in your jeans.”  
Well, seemed like they’d paid him after all. But why was he feeling even worse then? “I blacked out.” He simply said emotionlessly. When was this nightmare over?  
“Can you remember what happened when they had finished?”  
“I blacked out.” He said again in an indifferent tone. Was she deaf?  
“Did they drop you in the snow?” This time he didn’t answer at all.  
“I really think this is enough.” Emma had gotten up and put a hand on Tom’s shoulder. Of course she’d noticed the change from being angry to emotionless, which wasn’t good. At all.  
“One last question.” Her colleague handed her a plastic bag with some silver thing. It took him a moment to realise it was a butt plug. “Is this yours?”  
Not understanding he looked at the quite big plug and when he saw the base he nearly vomited.

_“Oh, yeah. Plug that whore ass. So he’ll have a souvenir from all of us.”_   
_Half-conscious he blinked his eyes as he once again felt something enter him._   
_“Makes sure our seed stays where it belongs, you dirty whore.”_   
  


He couldn’t help but vomit after all. Right on to Emma’s shoes.  
All of a sudden he felt so sleepy. Emma helped him lie down and pulled the covers over him. Before she told the cops to get out.  
Both women were already at the door so they didn’t hear Marvin whisper “You better keep your mouth shut. Or you’ll regret it. Dirty whore!”


	6. Talking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom's treatment continues

“I’ll be right in, Lisa. I just need to make a phone call.” They were back at the station and he was actually relieved that their little plaything hadn’t said any names. However, he knew Lisa had checked the license plate that stupid prick Hemsworth had told them. It was down to two vehicles.  
“Sure. I’ll get us some coffee meanwhile.”  
“Thanks.” He stayed in the car waiting until she was inside until he called his friend. “Hi, Stu. It’s Marv. Listen. We’ve just questioned our little sex toy. Didn’t say a name. And I made sure that’ll stay like that.”  
“How can you be sure? I’ve heard this Doctor Clemons breaks them all eventually.”  
“As if anyone would believe him.”  
“Still. And we wouldn’t be in this shit if Peter and Jim wouldn’t have just dumbed him in the snow unconscious. I told them to make sure he’d walk his tight, little ass away. He’d never gone to the hospital then!”  
“I know. But he’s a whore. Not even my colleague Lisa is believing that it all happened against his will.”  
“I’ll call some people and make sure they’ll kick him out of the hospital sooner than later.”  
“Good. Less danger that he’ll talk. Plus we can monitor him better if he’s out. Maybe I should just lock him up in my basement and keep him as sex slave.”  
“Oh, shut up, Marv. You’ll have to pick the next one.”  
“I guess it’ll be hard to find such a tight and cute whore again.”  
“Definitely.” They both laughed until there was a female voice at Stu's end. “Gotta go.”  
“See you, Mr. Mayor.”  
“Bye Marv.”

Walking inside he headed straight to their office where Lisa and a hot coffee were waiting already.  
“So what do you say?” She asked when he’d sat down.  
“What? The whore? I don’t know. I mean he let the guy tie him down. There’s no tearing, which always is there in a rape case. Maybe the little slut enjoyed it more than he lets on.”  
“Don’t call him that. Haven’t you seen his face when I mentioned the money?”  
“Yeah. Was like ‘where the fuck is my money?’. Oh, and the tears.”  
“Come on, Marv. Be fair. The reaction to the plug was... well, weird. He surely hasn’t seen that thing before.”  
“Maybe we should wrap it and give to him as a present. He’d surely enjoy it.”  
“Fuck, Marv. What’s wrong with you?”  
“I just don’t buy the whole ‘I’m a poor slut who’s been raped' thing. I think he got into that car knowing what would await him. Maybe it wasn’t as he’d expected it but it wasn’t as horrible either. I mean there was no blood.”  
“Well, as you’ve said quite often: he’s a whore. He’s surely used to have someone fuck him. If his wrists and ankles weren’t as badly injured I'd agree with you.”  
“See.”  
“I’m actually pretty sure that I’ve got our SUV.”  
“What?!” Marvin's eyes widened.  
“There’s a traffic camera near at the park. There’s the SUV.” She turned her screen towards him “License plate 3HET5QM. It’s registered on the city. To be more precise: the mayor's office.”  
“You’re joking?!” Shit! Shit! Shit!  
“Nope. And the description he gave us actually suites the mayor.”  
“He would have said ‘it was the mayor’ then. Don’t you think?”  
“He’s living on the street. Maybe he doesn’t know who is the mayor.”  
“And now? You can’t just go into the mayor’s office asking him if he’s raped a whore!”  
“No. That’s true. Well, maybe the DNA tests will help us.”

* * *

After the officers had gone again Tom’s mind was racing. Should he tell his doctor that male cop was one of his rapists? But what then? He couldn’t name all and even if the four he could identify were arrested there were still six walking around and he didn’t doubt that they could find him and do even worse things to him. That was if anyone believed him...

Eventually the door opened again and Doctor Clemons came back in together with a cleaning lady. In no time the floor was clean again and he was alone with his doctor.  
“How are you feeling, Tom?”  
“Like a piece of shit.” He blurted out without thinking much.  
“It’s okay to feel like that. What about officer O’Donnell? Do you know him?” He thought about what to say for a moment until he eventually shook his head. “Is he one of your clients?”  
Furrowing his brows he looked at her.  
“Well, the way you looked at each other was kind of strange – like you knew each other.” There was a brief silence until she said “I don’t judge you. You needed to do something to survive.”  
Again there was an awkward silence and Tom rolled his head to the other side.  
“Tell me about your dad.” That came unexpected and he snapped his head back towards her.  
“What?”  
“Chris said he hated gays and that he made you feel really bad about yourself.”  
“I don’t have a dad.”  
“It must have been kind of freeing to meet a boy like Chris and to be able to live out that side of your personality.”  
He nodded. Yes, that had been the happiest time of his life and he had destroyed it. “I guess I was hoping that we get caught fucking at some point, so I didn’t have to admit it. In the end I just couldn’t pretend anymore to be someone else.”  
“And the person you loved most let you down.”  
“No. Yes. But I shouldn’t have pulled him into this.”  
“You’re not angry at him?”  
“Not anymore.”  
“Do you want to see him?”  
“No.”  
“He would like to be there for you. He even offered that you can stay with him.”  
“No.”  
“You don’t have to be ashamed.”  
“No? I’m a fucking whore!”  
“People who really love and care about you, don’t care about things like that.”  
“WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW?!” He suddenly felt angry at her.

She nodded and quietly stared back at him until he turned his head away to hide his tears. She silently watched him for a while until she decided that maybe it was best with him to get to the sore points.  
“You blame yourself for being raped, don’t you?”  
His head slowly rolled around and more tears were streaming down his face.  
“Don’t. You said no.” She tried to make him feel better.  
“They fucking paid me!”  
“That doesn’t give them the right to do something to you, you don’t want.”

The problem he had with that was that if they’d used condoms he’d probably enjoyed it.

  
_They had switched yet again and the third guy fucked into him. His own cock was rock-hard due to the stimulation to his prostate._   
_“Fuck! He’s really tight.” The guy groaned. He had the biggest cock so far and in horror Tom felt a wave of pleasure wash through him as his abusers cock deliciously rubbed his sweet spot. “That’s it, filthy whore. We knew you’d like it!”_   
_Just when the guy fucking his throat pushed him down on his cock to cum down his throat someone wrapped a hot palm around his shaft and started pumping him. Only a few strokes later he came like a rocket._   
  


Even more tears streamed down his face. He had had a bad feeling right from the moment the mayor had stopped and asked for a bareback fuck. Nobody did that as it was some sort of a law on the street. You just didn’t do it without condom. If only he hadn’t been such a coward and had the balls to talk to Chris. But now it was to late. Then something else crossed his mind.  
“Did he see me like that?”  
Puzzled she looked at him. “Who saw you like what?”  
“Chris. You said he works in the ER.”  
Damn. She had actually feared this question. “He was there when you were brought in.” She knew it wasn’t what he wanted to know but maybe he’d be fine with her answer.  
“So he saw the plug and all the sperm?!” To her surprise his voice was calm. Too calm.  
She could lie and say that she didn’t know but Chris had told her and the way he’d felt – that he even threw up. “Yes. He has. He said he felt so angry and helpless. I think he st...”

Right then she was interrupted by a knock on the door. “Doctor Clemons, the chief wants to see you.”  
“I’m in the middle of conversation.” The nurses knew better than to interrupt her.  
“I know. He said immediately.”  
“Right.” Sighing she padded Tom on the shoulder a few times. “I’ll be back as quick as possible.”

When she was gone he thought back to the feeling of having Chris carry him. It had been nice to be in his arms again.

  
_“We don’t have to do this.” Chris held his hand whilst following him upstairs to his room._   
_“But I want to. You don’t?” Tom grinned all over his face and so Chris just had to as well._   
_“Of course I want you, baby.” They finally were in Tom’s room where he put the lube and condoms they’d just bought on his bedside table._   
_“Good. I’m sick of just touching and rubbing against each other. I want the real deal!”_   
_Chris couldn’t quite believe it. Was this the same boy that only a few days ago was even too afraid to touch him?_

_He didn’t say a word just grabbed him and they pressed their lips together in a fevered kiss whilst stripping each other. In no time they were naked thrusting their dicks against each other._   
_“So how do we do this? Do you want to do it to me?” Chris eventually manages to ask._   
_“No, darling. I want to feel you.”_   
  


Tom swallowed a sob which wanted to break free. What he’d give to have that innocence back. To turn sex back into a tender act of love and not merely a business transaction. It had been so special. The feeling of... No! That was over. He needed to forget that. He couldn’t have that ever again. He was a whore. It had lost its meaning long ago. But would he be able to do it again – to let some stranger use him like that? Probably not.

* * *

Chris was on his break and he wanted to see if Tom might actually want to see him. He so hoped that he would. Taking the stairs he sprinted up the few flights. His heart was pounding in excitement.  
The receptionist let him through to Doctor Clemons office telling them the hospital chief was in and he should wait outside. Pacing up and down outside the office he heard voices. It seemed to be a heated discussion until the door was ripped open and a angry voice shouted “Get that fucking whore out of here or you can pack your shit and go!”  
Stunned Chris stared at the older man walking out looking furious. He nodded briefly at Chris before storming down the hall. Dumbstruck he walked into the doorway finding Doctor Clemons sitting at her desk, her face buried in her hands.  
“Was that about Tom?” He asked quietly after knocking on her door in order not to startle her. She looked up and nodded.  
“I guess some influential people don’t want your friend to talk. He’ll be moved to the social ward before they’ll kick him out in a few days. Too expensive is the official reason, though.”  
“But we have a responsibility for our patients! He can’t do that!”  
“I’m afraid, he can.”  
“But what about Tom? He needs help.”  
“My guess is that the people who’ve raped him have friends in high places and like that they want to make sure he doesn’t say anything. He didn’t say so but I think he at least knew one of his abusers. He’s probably scared that they’ll have their revenge if he gives them away – or doubts that anyone will believe him in the first place.”  
“And what are we going to do now? Maybe he’ll tell me.”  
“I doubt that. He’s too ashamed – especially knowing that you saw him when he was brought in.”  
“You’ve told him?!”  
“No. He asked about you and when I told him that you worked at the ER he just added one plus one. He isn’t stupid.”  
“No, he certainly isn’t. And now?”  
“I’ll have to move him. The boss has forbidden any further treatment, so I’ll try to at least get him to join some self-help group.”  
“You think he’ll manage?” Chris felt sick. Who had done this to his friend?  
“I hope so.”

* * *

Tom felt exhausted from crying and all the thinking and talking when Emma came back in. She looked concerned and was holding some flyers.  
With a sigh she sat down on the chair next to his bed again. “Unfortunately the hospital management decided you’re doing too well to receive further treatment. We’ll move you to our social ward where you can stay until your ankles and wrists are better.”  
Furrowing his brows he looked at her. Well, he was pretty sure who was behind that and maybe one of the bosses was involved in his rape as well. It didn’t matter. He’d never thought they’d be made responsible for what they’d done. After all he was just a worthless whore.  
“I’ve got some brochures for self-help groups. This one is really good. Some of my former patients went there and they lead normal lives again. I wish I could do more for you.”  
He had to smile as she really sounded miserable. “It’s okay. I’ll be fine.”  
Yes. He would. One way or the other...


	7. Visits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom's got enough of being in hospital pretty soon.

Chris should have gone home and slept after his shift. Instead he sat at the terribly noisy social ward at Tom’s bed watching him sleep. He had taken Tom’s hand in his and angrily stared at the bandage around his way too thin wrists. They’d always looked quite fragile especially when he’d wrapped his thin long fingers around Chris’ thick erection.

  
_Chris grinned over his entire face as he blinked his eyes. Tom’s parents were on a business trip, so they had the house to themselves all week and Chris slept at Tom’s._   
_“Let’s call in sick today and stay in bed.” Chris had suggested once Tom had blinked his eyes. They had fallen asleep naked after fucking wildly. Chris’ ass was slightly sore and he wondered why Tom liked it so much when he fucked him._   
_“Sounds like a good idea. The weather is grab anyway.” The wind was actually blowing the raindrops against his window._

_After their calls they giggled for a while standing in front of each other naked. “Breakfast?”_   
_“Yes, and then let’s go back to bed.”_

_Half an hour later Chris was on his back moaning as Tom’s fingers pumped his semi-hard cock slowly. “You know, baby, my cock is basically as thick as your wrist.”_   
_“No , it’s not!” To proof his point Tom placed it against Chris erection. “See.”_   
_“That’s like half an inch but if you turn it sideways my cock is actually thicker.”_   
_“Shut up, darling, and finger me. I want you inside me.”_   
_“Can’t get enough, can you?” Chris teased him as he gently put him on his back spreading his legs._   
_“No. Never.”_   
_“Aren’t you sore? I still feel it with every move.” Between words he placed tender kisses on Tom’s skin._   
_“A: My cock is thicker than yours. And B: You’re not used to it as much.” Tom grinned over his entire face._   
_“Well, do you want to do it to me again? That’s fine as well.” Sitting back on his heels he looked down at his lover._   
_“No. As much as I’ve enjoyed fucking you, I much rather have you fuck me.”_   
_With a groan Chris leaned forward and kissed him passionately before reaching for the lube._

_A shudder ran through Tom’s body when Chris’ first finger slowly penetrated his hole. He fucking loved that feeling. They took their time kissing and caressing each other all the time until three fingers were stretching Tom. Both their cocks were rock-hard and leaking precum._   
_“Chris?” Tom felt himself blushing._   
_“Yes, baby?” Holding in he looked at the Brit full of love._   
_“I... Do you think we can leave away the condom? I want to feel you.”_   
_A smile spread on Chris' face._   
_“I mean we both haven’t slept with anyone else, so it’s not...”_   
_“Ssshhh, baby.” Chris gently put his index finger across Tom’s lips. “Of course. It’s gonna be amazing.”_

_Whilst kissing each other Chris lined his cock up with Tom’s hole and just as his tongue brushed past his lover's lips his cock slowly slid in his tight heat._   
  


A tear rolled down Chris’ cheek as he moved closer to Tom. Why couldn’t it still be like that? Putting his head onto the bed next to him he closed his eyes dreaming of what could have been...

* * *

Tom shot up in bed when a loud crash echoed through the room. Soon he saw why. The security guys had knocked down a junkie and were now holding the screaming guy to the floor. At first he had thought this was better than the psychiatry but now that he realised the about 20 people around him he just wanted to leave. Turning his head he suddenly noticed that he wasn’t alone. Chris was sitting next to him rubbing his eyes.  
“Hey.” The Aussie smiled at him.  
Not wanting to see him – never mind talk to him – Tom turned his head around.  
“Tom, please, look at me. I just want to apologise.” When Tom’s head still didn’t move Chris let out a sigh. “I’m sorry for letting you down. For not being there for you. I should have protected you. I mean I knew you were afraid of your dad and when I thought about it I figured you wanted me their to protect you from him when you told him. But I let you down. I’m sorry.”  
“It was my own fucking fault. Now leave me alone.”  
“I should have followed you. You could have come back home with me.”  
“Leave me alone!”  
“I think I still love you, Tom.”  
“PISS OFF!”  
All eyes were on them now and Chris quickly got up. “Sorry.” With that he slowly walked away.

Tom hated to see the pity in Chris’ eyes. He didn’t want that – didn’t need that. All of a sudden he felt claustrophobic in the room but maybe that was because most people still were staring at him. Did they know? No way!  
“Excuse me.” He stopped a nurse walking by. “Would you close the curtain, please?” Usually she was screamed at so she smiled at the young man and did what he’d asked. “Thanks.”  
Now he was surrounded by a wall and normally this should feel even more claustrophobic but it didn’t. If only the sounds would have been drowned out as well...

At some point he still must have fallen asleep as a bit of sunlight was falling through the curtain when he opened his eyes. There was more shouting around him and he knew: he needed to get out of here. Eventually a nurse or Doctor had to stop by. He only needed to get rid of the catheter. Well, and he needed clothes. Fuck!  
Turning to his side his eyes landed on a book lying on the bedside table. Reaching for it he opened the front page and his jaw dropped.

  
_“What are you reading? Shakespeare?! Ewww.”_   
_“Oh, shut up, you!” It was a Saturday morning and Tom’s parents had gone to visit his grandparents in England for a week. He’d have loved to go as well but it was mid-term._   
_“Romeo and Juliet? You’re fucking kidding!”_   
_“Well, have you read it?” Tom pushed away Chris hand which slowly glided up his bare thigh._   
_“No. Of course not.” Chris obviously was stronger than him and continued his path until his thick fingers wrapped around Tom’s cock._   
_“Well, then you shouaaaa! Fuck!” The book was forgotten the moment Chris had pushed back the blanket and sucked him into his mouth._

_A few days later Chris had found the book in his backpack. Grinning he opened the cover only to find a handwritten note from Tom._   
_“Let me be your Juliet my Romeo.”_

  
He couldn’t believe Chris had kept that over all these years. Why?  
He wanted to put it back down when a note fell out. Grabbing it he unfolded it.

  
**_I wish I had had the strength to be your Romeo - to live up to your expectations. But just like Romeo I could never forget you and had I known where you’ve been I’d come for you._ **   
**_I still love you Tom. Let me be there for you._ **   
  


Tears had welled up in his eyes and he quickly put the note away. He needed to get out. Now!  
“Hello! Anybody there?” As there was no answer he tried again a little louder “Hello?!”  
“What?!” An angry looking nurse pushed open the curtain.  
“I’d like to go, please.” It didn’t matter. He’d manage from here to his home with the thin pyjamas.  
“And I’d like a nice vacation in the Caribbean.” With that she was gone again. Frustrated he sank back on the bed. Maybe he could just pull out the catheter on his own and just walk out of there. He had just reached under the blanket when his eyes landed on Doctor Miller coming towards him.

“Hi, Tom. There you are. How are you feeling?”  
“Alright. I’d actually like to go home.”  
“I don’t think that’s a good idea. I’ve also just talked to Doctor Clemons, she’d like to visit you later as well.”  
“You can’t keep me here against my will!” He was angry all of a sudden. It was his body, his life, he could do what he wanted.  
“No, we can’t.” She let out a sigh whilst tugging the curtain closed. “If you really want to leave just let me briefly check you. Okay?”  
“What?”  
“I just want to make sure everything is healing nicely.”  
“First you’ll get out that catheter!” He wasn’t stupid as long as that thing was in he wasn’t going anywhere.  
“Sure.”

After getting a nurse they started and he was already shaking at the idea that someone would shove their finger into him. First, though, she examined his wrists and ankles. “You shouldn’t walk around too much for at least one week. Try to stay in bed. Okay?”  
Nodding he almost laughed. He didn’t have a bed.  
“Okay, Please turn on your side now and tug your legs up.” He did very slowly looking over his shoulder at her. Maybe it wasn’t too bad if he saw that it was his Doctor and not somebody else. “I know it’s hard but try to relax.”  
He didn’t say anything as he kept staring at her.

When her lubed-up finger finally breached into him he wanted to scream in horror but just about managed to turn it into a desperate whine. As he also tensed up she immediately stopped looking into his eyes.  
“Easy. Try to relax. Take slow deep breathes and we’ll be done in no time.”  
Tears were starting to run down his face but he did what she told him and luckily the examination was over in no time.

After having covered him again Doctor Miller looked at the nurse. “Would you look in the lost and found if we have some clothes for Tom?”  
“Sure.” With that she left them alone.  
“No penetrative sex for at least two weeks. Try to take it easy. And if you need anything,” she tugged out her card “don’t hesitate to call.”

Half an hour later all documents were signed and he could go. They had offered to call a taxi but he had refused. After all he didn’t want them to know where he lived – especially not Chris – and it was only about three blocks anyway.  
The nurse had actually brought him a nice warm coat, a sweatshirt and a pair of jeans, which was way too short, plus he got his own shoes back. Good.  
Getting up he tried not to grimace at how much his ankles hurt. Maybe he should have taken a taxi after all. His eyes landed on his book. Should he take it? No. It was meaningless for him now. Love was just an illusion – always had been. Without looking back he left the hospital.

He somehow felt relieved when he was out in the fresh air, although it was fucking freezing. There were piles of snow on the side of the pavement and he wished he had a warm home he could go to. Maybe with a fireplace where he’d make himself comfortable.  
“If that isn’t our tight, little whore...” Tom was ripped from his daydream by officer Marvin O’Donnell. And to his horror he was alone. “You look a little pale, sweetheart. Want a ride?”  
“Leave me alone!” Tom started walking towards his “home" away from the cop but of course he easily followed him.  
“So impolite, our little whore. And I’m just here to return your money.” An envelope appeared in front of Tom’s face and he stopped. Should he really take it? Well, after basically being kicked out of hospital he knew his abusers were probably even more influential than he originally thought, so they’d never face a trial. Looking into Marvin’s eyes Tom shuddered on seeing that smirk before quickly grabbing the envelope and walking off again.  
“If you need more, you can find me just down the street.” Tom glanced at him over his shoulder seeing that his colleague had walked over from across the street eating a hot dog.  
“What was that?”  
“Well, looks like the little whore made more fuss about it than it actually was.”

By the time he limped towards the bridge, under which he lived, tears were streaming down his face. Tears of pain but also of shame.

Luckily the fire was burning so it wasn’t too cold as he slowly fell onto his sleeping bag. His ankles actually hurt quite badly, so he was grateful that he could sit again. It didn’t take long and his “room mate" Charlie showed up carrying some food and wood for the fire.  
“Tom, my boy. Thank God you’re back. I was starting to worry.”  
Charlie was almost like a father to him. All those years ago he’d taken him in after having seen him beg in Central Park. Tom was still an innocent kid back then and had been grateful for Charlie’s kindness. He had been the first person not wanting anything in return for his help.

As he came closer he finally had a better view of him and started cursing. “How many times have I told you not to do this?” True. No week had gone by in which Charlie had told him to stop prostituting himself. But right now Tom didn’t want to hear it as he let out a loud sob and his friend hugged him.

* * *

“Mum, I just don’t know what to do. I’ve given him his book and hopefully he’ll make up his mind.”  
“You can’t force it, honey. Give him time. At the moment he surely has different worries.”  
Chris was so grateful for his mum’s support in the last few days. “I know. I just want him to know that he can count on me. That I won’t let him down again.”  
“I really hope you two will get back together, honey.”

Two hours later Chris was heading back towards the hospital. His shift only started in a bit more than an hour but he wanted to see how Tom was doing first. For the night the weather forecast wasn’t too good. A blizzard was to come yet again and probably would last for a day or two. Luckily he knew Tom was safe and warm.  
Heading straight to the social ward he immediately saw Tom’s bed was empty. No. Not just empty. It had been freshly made and there was no sign of his friend. Fuck! He stormed over to the bed but it was like Tom had never been there in the first place. When a nurse walked by he stopped and asked her about Tom.  
“Insisted to leave. Forgot his book though.” She pointed over to a dresser on which lay the book he’d brought yesterday. No. He hadn’t forgotten it. Chris was sure about that.  
What was he supposed to do now?


	8. Depression

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom slowly gets back on his feet - only to be reminded of what happened.

Over the next two weeks Tom only got up to use the toilet. There were no tears left to cry. But he’d come to the conclusion that it had all been his own fault.  
Wrapped in his sleeping bag he looked out into the snow. Would it ever stop again?  
Charlie had gone to get some food for them but Tom wasn’t hungry. He hardly ate anything anymore. What for anyway?

Once more he had dark thoughts. Pretty much every day he’d thought about ending his life. But how? He didn’t want to jump in front of a train as he didn’t want to traumatise the driver and/or the passengers. Same for a car. He could buy a gun but what if a child found his dead body. Medicine? Probably. But what would kill him quickly and – if possible – painlessly.

“What a shit weather?!” Charlie fell down next to him shaking off some snow flakes. “You know, kid, you should get up again and play a little music. You know that I love it when you play.”  
Tom just grunted as answer staring at the graffiti on the opposite wall.  
“Come on. Sit up! I’ve got cheese burgers. And fries. I know you love those!”  
Wanting to calm him Tom slowly sat up and slowly started eating. He’d always loved burgers but after two bites he felt sick already.

_“You must be Tom! Chris has told us a lot about you.”_   
_“Nice to meet you Mrs. Hemsworth.” Tom nervously shook her hand. Chris had invited him to a barbecue where he’d finally meet his parents._   
_“Just Anne. And it’s a pleasure to meet you. Why don’t you two go outside and help your dad?”_

_Half an hour later they were sitting in the garden eating burgers whilst talking and laughing. Chris’ parents were really cool and super nice. Tom immediately felt at home._   
_He was on his third burger when Anne stared at him. Still chewing he stared back at her. “Do I have ketchup somewhere?” Tom rubbed his face with the back of his hand and looked down on his shirt._   
_“No, Tom.” She broke out laughing “It’s just you look really skinny but you eat even more than Chris.”_   
_“Sorry.” Swallowing the bite in his mouth he looked over to his lover feeling utterly embarrassed._   
_“No, no, honey. Don’t be sorry. I’m just wondering where all this food goes.”_   
_Chris also chuckled now. “He’s always eating so much, mum. When we were at the pizza place he ate like 15 slices or something.”_   
_Tom wanted to sink into the ground. Had Chris really counted that?_   
_“So Chris says you’re going to be in the school play?” Luckily Chris’ mum changed the topic sensing his embarrassment. With a smile he thanked her before starting to ramble about A Midsummer Night's Dream._

“You know, kid, you shouldn’t let that wanker get you down. You’re a great person. Don’t let some idiot destroy what you’ve built up.”  
Tom looked over at Charlie and found that he was probably right. He shouldn’t let them win. But what were his options? He couldn’t go back to his job – not yet anyway as he still had nightmares and sometimes even felt their rough touch on him. Like reading his thoughts Charlie handed him his guitar.  
“Go on, boy. Play something for me.”  
Nodding Tom gripped the worn instrument and played some accords before starting to play Stairway to Heaven, which was one of Charlie’s favourites.

* * *

Chris was walking home after a long and exhausting 30 hours shift when something stopped him. He heard someone play guitar around the corner it was Like a Rolling Stone, one of Tom’s favourite songs. With a grin he walked closer towards the little square where a flea market was held every Sunday. Occasionally he liked walking over it and he hadn’t planned to today but the guy singing and playing was quite good. At first Chris couldn’t see him but when he turned around a corner there stood Tom, his eyes closed and singing full of passion.  
With a smile Chris stepped behind a big tree from where he watched and listened. He was so relieved to see that Tom was alright as it seemed. It had been a bit over two weeks since he’d just left hospital.

The song finished and there actually was applause which made Tom smile and blush. He whispered a quiet thanks before continuing with Chasing Cars.  
Chris didn’t dare to step out from his hiding place as he didn’t want to scare Tom off. He was just happy to see his friend again. And he loved the way he sang and played.

  
_“You’ve got a fucking piano?” Chris stared at the huge thing standing in the Hiddleston’s library._   
_“Yes. And I know how to play it!” Tom grinned from ear to ear at Chris shock that they had an actual piano._   
_“No shit?” Tom shook his head his curls flying from side to side. “Show me.”_   
_“What do I get if I do?” Tom teased him._   
_“Don’t know. What do you want?”_   
_“Well, maybe you could suck me off.” They’d only sucked each other once before and Tom had loved every second of it._   
_“Okay, baby.”_   
_With a huge boyish grin Tom sat down on the stool and started playing some classical song. Chris had no idea what it was but he loved the way his boyfriend looked playing. His elegant, long fingers effortlessly danced over the keys and he played beautifully._   
_The Brit hadn’t finished playing when Chris suddenly kissed and grabbed him. Lifting him onto the polished black wood of the piano he quickly opened his trousers and before Tom could even ask what he was doing he had sucked his cock into his mouth._   
  


Chris grinned at the memory. If only he could turn back the time.

* * *

Tom had just showered at the shelter for homeless people. It was going to be a freezing night, so they had decided to stay at the shelter for the night. Blinking his eyes at his reflection in the mirror he wondered who this skinny kid was. That hair looked ridiculous – like a five-year-old's. And if he hadn’t pubes, he probably could be one. Quickly getting dressed he headed up to Lisa one of the volunteers there. He’d watched her cutting several guys' hair in the past. He explained what he wanted and she nodded. 20 minutes later the hair on the side of his head were cut down to about 5 millimetre and on top they were just a tiny bit longer styled to stand up.

Looking at himself in the mirror he had to smile. This looked better – more grown up. He thanked her before going back to his friends.

He was on his way to the park to play some songs when he stopped dead in front of a tattoo shop. Maybe he should get something. Well, not right away as he didn’t want just anything, he had to think about it first. He had also thought about dying his hair but so far he couldn’t decided what colour.

* * *

Chris hadn’t been able to go to the park and listen to Tom playing for about a week as he’d been working. But as soon as he had a day off he headed to the park buying a large coffee on the way. It was pretty cold and maybe Tom wouldn’t be there but he could already hear him play from the entrance to the park. With a smile on his lips he headed to his hiding place but when he saw him his jaw dropped. Tom's beautiful golden curls were gone and his hair were so short standing up on his head. And they were black!!!  
He couldn’t quite believe his eyes. What the hell?  
Tom looked so different all of a sudden. When he’d been cute before he was fucking hot now. Chris actually could feel his cock coming to life looking at his ex.

It was almost an hour later when Chris noticed that he wasn’t the only one watching Tom intently, only that this other guy wasn’t hiding behind a tree but standing next to a hot dog booth and looking as if he wanted to devour him. Well, this was a free country and Tom was hot and playing quite well, so of course people would stop and listen to him. But still somehow Chris had a bad feeling about that guy.

So when Tom had stopped playing he waited and watched. After putting his guitar away Tom put on thick gloves and a woollen hat before heading off. And of course that guy started following Tom. Thinking about what to do Chris also followed them. Maybe it was just a friend Tom had asked to watch over him as he felt unsafe. Well, wouldn’t surprise him after what had happened. But soon it was clear that this wasn’t the case as he kept his distance to Tom.  
Chris was almost one block behind Tom but still could see him as they both were quite tall. Soon Tom turned into a small park where he headed towards an underpass. The other guy had stopped at the crossing looking towards where Tom went. Chris had lost sight of his friend but as he got closer he saw a figure with a guitar case sitting down at a fireplace in the underpass. His friend was homeless.

He also noted that the other guy was staring at Tom sitting there. Could it be that he was one of his abusers? Out of instinct he pulled out his phone to take a picture of the guy but when the guy noticed Chris he quickly turned and stormed away. Shit! He needed to talk to the police.

* * *

It was mid February and luckily the freezing cold had left the city – for now anyway. Tom hadn’t slept much, so he felt like a zombie walking home from playing in the park again. He’d earned about $ 10 which would be enough to buy some food although he still hardly ate. He just couldn’t.  
With a sigh he fell on his sleeping bag and after storing his guitar he cuddled into it hoping to find some sleep. Closing his eyes he thought about the little girl throwing two dollars into his guitar case smiling widely at him. It had been quite heart-warming.

“If that isn’t our little whore?!”  
No! Not another dream! But no! He wasn’t sleeping! He fought with himself whether to open his eyes but he just had to. Blinking his eyes his blood froze when he saw the cop and that big, muscly guy with that huge cock standing in front of him.  
“We’ve been missing you!” The big guy said and a shudder ran down Tom’s spine when he remembered the guy pushing his fat cock into his throat almost making him suffocate.  
“What the fuck do you want?” Tom hissed noticing with growing panic that he couldn’t even jump up and run as his feet were trapped in his sleeping bag.  
“You’ve been the best fuck we’ve had in ages, so we wanted to invite you for more. Just the three of us this time. You can stay at mine for free and from time to time we’ll fuck a little. How does that sound?”  
“Piss off!” Tom hissed. Surprisingly his voice didn’t sound as shaky as he felt.  
“Such an impolite, little whore. Come on. Be honest! You’ve enjoyed being fucked like that.” The muscly guy started palming his crotch. And a few weeks earlier Tom would have immediately jumped at him as he was totally his type.  
Tears had started to run down his face hoping that they wouldn’t rape him in a park in the middle of the day. “I’ll rape you with some friends then you can tell me if you enjoyed it.” Shit, now his voice was shaking with fear.  
“We didn’t rape you. We’ve paid you. You’re a fucking whore. Not more. Not less.”  
Tom suddenly had to think of the knife Charlie used to cut all sorts of things. If they really raped him again, he would grab it and kill himself. He was still trying to figure out what would be the best place to cut his flesh open when a familiar silhouette neared them.

“Hey, lad. Who are your friends?”  
Tom had never been this happy to hear and see his friend Charlie. Holding a bag of groceries he came towards them.  
His two abusers exchanged a quick look before starting to walk away. “We’ll see you again soon. Whore!”  
Tom couldn’t help a shudder and knew one thing. He needed a weapon of some sort.

Looking after them Charlie sat down opposite him throwing some more wood into the fire. “Who were they?” He pointed after them.  
“Cops.” Tom just said quietly as he inhaled deeply a couple of times to calm his heart rate.

* * *

Chris was still worried about Tom especially knowing that this guy had followed him. So as often as possible – which wasn’t more than once or twice a week he went to the little park to listen to Tom and look after him.  
More often he took the detour through the park to go to work and check on Tom. Luckily he wasn’t alone – at least the times when Chris past him. This eased Chris’ mind a little as his visit to the police station hadn’t been very successful as that male cop said with a sneer. “We’re no longer investigating in that case. It was just a business transaction between a whore and his customers.”  
He had tried to argue but the cop wouldn’t have any of it and basically threw him out.

It was early March when he finally had a day off again and went to the park in the morning to go and see / hear Tom. The wind was quite chilly today, so he basically cuddled against that tree and listened to Tom dreaming about what they once had.  
And then the melody to one of his favourite songs ever started.

  
_When I look into your eyes_   
_I can see a love restrained_   
_But darlin' when I hold you_   
_Don't you know I feel the same_   
_Nothin' lasts forever_   
_And we both know hearts can change_   
_And it's hard to hold a candle_   
_In the cold November rain_   
_We've been through this such a long long time_   
_Just tryin' to kill the pain, oo yeah_   
_But love is always coming and love is always going_   
_And no one's really sure who's lettin' go today_   
_Walking away_   
_If we could take the time_   
_To lay it on the line_   
_I could rest my head_   
_Just knowin' that you were mine_   
_All mine_   
_So if you want to love me_   
_Then darlin' don't refrain_   
_Or I'll just end up walkin'_   
_In the cold November rain_

  
_“That’s so fucking sad.” Tom lifted onto his elbow whilst Chris cuddled him even closer._   
_“Yeah, I guess. But it’s a great song. And you know what’s my favourite line?”_   
_Grinning at him Tom sang “Just knowin' that you were mine, all mine.”_   
_That moment Chris’ heart was utterly filled with love and eagerly grabbed Tom climbing on top of him and kissing him passionately._   
  


Chris had to grin as he remembered how they had – again – made love to the song. It had been so special as they did it really slow to the rhythm of the song.

Eventually he was close to tears and quickly blinked his eyes. To distract himself he looked around. There were actually quite a lot of people standing around and listening to Tom. Some couples were even cuddling to Tom’s music. Maybe his dream would still come true some day.  
The song finally ended and Tom blinked his eyes muttering a quiet thank you when people applauded and then, all of a sudden, Tom looked slightly panicked. Shit! Had he seen him behind the tree?  
Watching closely Chris caught him repeatedly staring in the other direction as he slowly started playing the first notes of the next song. Following Tom’s gaze he noticed a really tall and bulky guy stupidly grinning at Tom. Who the fuck was that?

* * *

The wind was terribly cold for March as he once again played in the park to earn some Dollars. He wouldn’t have to as he still had $ 1500 hidden in his sleeping bag, well minus the $ 50 his new tattoo had cost. He’d decided for the skull from Hamlet with some lines beneath it, which was now inked into his left pec – just above his heart. While waiting he had also checked out some piercings and if he got brave enough, he’d get one as well.

With his eyes closed he sang Guns n’ Roses having to think of one of his happiest memories. A couple of weeks ago the song made him feel angry but now he found that he should treasure all this happy memories – after all there weren’t much.  
The more shocked he was to see that bulky guy with that huge cock, who’d been with Marvin two weeks ago, standing there winking at him. Shit! Well, at least he wouldn’t attack him right in front of so many people, so as long as he’d keep singing and playing he’d be safe.

It was about an hour later when finally the guy seemed to be gone and Tom’s fingers were basically frozen, so he finished his song thanking the people who’d stayed and listened before packing up. A few came over to him throwing some coins and Dollar notes into the box he’d put down.  
He was down on his knees closing his guitar case when something else landed in his box. A condom. He didn’t need to look up to know who had placed it there. Swallowing hard he thought about whether to shout for help or make a run for it. But where to? His heart racing he slowly got onto his feet holding the guitar case in one hand and the now closed box in the other.  
“Hello, sexy. I almost thought you wouldn’t stop anymore. You’re actually quite good at this as well. Not as good as taking cocks but still.”  
“What do you want?” Tom managed to press out.  
“You. I want you to ride my dick, to suck me off and so much more. You’re our little whore and I’m here to get you.”  
Tom wanted to cry. Did this nightmare never end?  
“Hey, mate! Sorry for being late!” A very familiar Australian accent said to his left and he was so relieved to see Chris there that he nearly threw his arms around him.

* * *

Chris had watched Tom pack up and nearly wanted to leave before he saw how that tall guy approached Tom. He watched as the guy threw something into Tom’s box and was relieved but only until he saw the horrified look on Tom’s face as he got up. Who was this guy? Was he Tom’s pimp wanting him to do another job again? Or was he even one of his abusers?  
The guy was saying something to Tom in a quiet tone and with every word he could see Tom go paler so he quickly decided to intervene.  
“Hey, mate. Sorry for being late!” Tom’s head snapped round to him and he could actually see how relieved he was to see him.  
“Hey. No problem.” He finally said.  
Chris looked over at the guy who was actually a bit taller than him. “And you are?” Chris asked.  
“A big fan. Can’t wait to see you again.” Chris couldn’t help but hear the lightly threatening tone in his voice but eventually he turned and left.  
“You okay, Tom?”  
Nodding he looked close to tears and his hands were shaking, so that the coins in his box were jingling. Out of instinct Chris wrapped an arm around him. “Come on I’ll invite you for a coffee or something.” To his surprise Tom didn’t protest and let himself be led over to a small café. Looking at his friend Chris soon found that Tom obviously was in shock.

Chris helped him sit down and grabbed his ex' ice-cold shaking hands. “It’s alright, Tom. He’s gone. I’ll protect you. You’re safe.” Tom looked like he didn’t realise anything going on around him, so Chris just sat there holding his hands.

* * *

Slowly warmth crept back into his fingers and when he looked down he noticed that someone was holding his hands. It were certainly the hands of a man as the fingers were quite thick and long. No! Had that horrible guy managed to abduct him? No! Chris!  
Slowly looking up he finally looked into the kind eyes of his former lover. On seeing Tom stare at him the Aussie grinned.  
“Feeling better?” He just managed to nod. “Good.”  
Right then a young girl put down two big mugs next to them. Chris thanked her before smiling at him again. “Hot chocolate. I hope you still have that sweet tooth.”  
“Thanks, Chris. For everything.” He hoped he wouldn’t ask about his abuser or anything else for that matter as he just wanted to forget the years between that horrible night when he was 16 and right that moment.  
“No problem. Any time.”

For a while they quietly sat there drinking their hot chocolate.  
“You’re really good. I absolutely enjoy listening to you.” Chris eventually said.  
“Really?” Had he been there more often?  
“Yeah, I try to come as often as possible, which isn’t too often as I’m working a lot.”  
“You’re a fucking doctor. I can’t believe it.” Shit! And he? All of a sudden reality hit him again and he had to think of what Chris had seen that night – that he knew what Tom really had become. He wanted to run. But what if that guy was still out there somewhere just waiting for him to come back out?!  
Chris of course noticed the change in Tom and tried to take his friend’s mind off these dark places. “I can’t believe you played November Rain. It’s one of my favourites.”  
Tom’s eyes were incredibly sad when they met his again, so Chris slapped himself inwardly regretting that he’d mentioned it.  
“I know. It always makes me think of the few happy moments of my life.” Chris was actually shocked how sad Tom’s voice was and he wished he could take him to Doctor Clemons as he had a really bad feeling.  
But of course that wasn’t possible. “Why don’t you come with me and stay at my place? It’s not big but you’d be safe there. And I’m hardly home anyway.” He prayed Tom would accept it.

Furrowing his brows the Brit stared into his cup slowly stirring the brown liquid. There was a big part of him wanting to scream “yes" but would it be wise. And actually if THAT night hadn’t happened he might have agreed.  
“That’s really nice of you. But I can’t.”  
“Of course you can, Tom. We can be friends. It’s...”  
“No. You’re living in a different world. I should go now.”  
“Tom! Please?!” Chris begged him to stay with his eyes.  
Shaking his head in sadness Tom blinked away his tears. Slowly getting up he grabbed his stuff. “Thanks again, Chris. You’re a good person.” He gave him a small smile as he pulled on his woollen hat.  
“Wait!” Grabbing a napkin Chris quickly wrote down his address and phone number handing it to Tom. “Here. In case you change your mind. I’ll be there for you. Like I should have been back then.”  
Wordlessly Tom took it and left.

* * *

Chris had to make sure that this guy wasn’t still around, so he quickly paid and followed Tom keeping a safe distance so he wouldn’t be seen. Eventually Tom turned right to the underpass. There were two other guys greeting him. Good. At least someone was there for his friend.

* * *

All the way home he fought his tears. The moments with Chris had been wonderful but he couldn’t take him up on his offer. Surely Chris would expect him to sleep with him eventually but he couldn’t. Sex wasn’t about love for him. Not anymore.

He fell into his sleeping bag and reached into the pocket of his jacket to get the box with the money he’d earned. Along with it he tugged out the napkin with Chris‘ details on it. Regretfully he looked at it for a moment before throwing it into the fire.


	9. The Senator and the Doctor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some tough shit coming up...

Chris was totally exhausted as he finished yet another 48 hours shift. Changing into his private clothes he thought about whether to go straight home and sleep or to go and have breakfast before walking to the little square to see if Tom was playing. Unfortunately he hadn’t been able to go there for a while but often he’d taken the diversion through the park checking if Tom was “home” and more so if he was safe. It eased his mind significantly to see that normal there were two to three people with him.  
He still had to get used to the black hair spiked up on his head instead of the nest of dark blonde curls. However, that hadn’t stopped him from having the occasional wet dream about a black-haired Tom sucking him off.

Shaking his head Chris grabbed his stuff. He needed to see Tom and if possible talk to him. Decision made he left the locker-room and walked outside where he nearly bumped into Ann Montgomery, a fellow assistant doctor.  
“Going home?” She grinned at him.  
“Yeah. Can’t wait to fall into my bed. You?”  
“I've still got a few hours to go. You’ll be back tonight?”  
“Yeah. 12 hours off.”  
“Wow. It’s a wonder we haven’t killed anyone, yet.” He loved her for her sarcasm, which wasn’t really popular with their bosses. “Won’t matter for this one, though.” She snorted whilst shaking her head. “Jumped down Brooklyn Bridge.”  
They could already hear the sirens close by, which Chris took as cue to make his escape. “I’ll see you. Bye.”

Just when he walked off the ambulance pulled up and from the corner of his eye he saw the silver and gold blanket they’d wrapped the patient in to warm up.  
Not wanting to think about it he put in his head phones and listened to some music as he headed towards the Café he’d taken Tom to all these weeks ago.

After having a long breakfast he headed outside but was disappointed that there was no sign of Tom. He was too exhausted to wait longer, so he headed home walking through the park only to find the underpass empty except for an old guy with a beard. Maybe Tom had found a new spot to play at.

  
_Tom’s sheets always smelled so good, he could stay in there forever. They had the first two hours off, which they wanted to use to learn for their Maths test but being two horny teenagers they had ended up in bed naked. Letting out a loud moan Chris threw his head back into the pillow as Tom’s eager mouth sucked at his dick._  
_Wanting to see his lover Chris tugged away the blanket only to have two big ocean-blue eyes stare up at him through thick lashes._  
_“Fuck, baby, you’re so good at this.”_  
_A grin forming on Tom’s face he pulled off. “I know. But I was thinking... Well, I want your cum in me when we go to school. I... Is that okay?” A cute blush rose on his cheeks._  
_“You want a fucking mess in your undies all day?” He certainly wouldn’t want that._  
_“No. I...” Tom climbed out of bed and Chris had to think about a baby deer getting onto its long legs. His head was red as a tomato when Tom slowly turned around bending forward. “I’ve shopped online a little.”_  
_Chris gasped out of surprise when he saw what his lover meant as he saw the black butt plug peeking out between his buttocks._

_With a quick tug the plastic left his body and he put it on the night stand before climbing back onto bed and straddling Chris._  
_“You’re the death of me, baby.”_  
_With a shy smile Tom reached behind him grabbing the Aussie’s cock and sinking down onto him already slick and ready._

_Chris squeezed his eyes shut as the hot wetness wrapped around him and when he opened them again black-haired Tom was on top of him riding him wildly. His long, thick erection jumping up and down with every move dripping precum onto both of them._  
  


He’d slept for nine hours straight when his alarm clock startled him awake again. Shit! He’d come into his boxers. What a dream...  
With a sigh Chris rolled out of bed getting ready for work.

Again he walked through the park wanting to check on Tom but there was still no sign of him. Should he go over to his friends sitting around the fire and ask about him? For nearly 5 minutes he stood there thinking about it until his eyes landed on the guy he’d saved Tom from weeks ago. However, he wasn’t alone but standing next to a police car talking to the cop in a friendly manner.  
Taking a few steps towards them he realised he knew the cop. It was the one who’d come to the hospital to question Tom with his partner. Fuck! Had the cop been part of the group who’d raped Tom?! No wonder he didn’t want to say anything. He needed to find Tom and ask him. Unfortunately his shift started in 20 minutes. Maybe he should call in sick but he didn’t want to let his colleagues down, so he made his way to work thinking about what to do.

He had just put his backpack into his locker when Ann came in falling onto the bench opposite him.  
“You’re still here?!” Chris asked in surprise.  
“Yeah. The patient from this morning. Took us ages to stabilise him. Then I said something like ‘why bother' and Doctor Bell decided to punish me. I mean that idiot swallows a ton of painkillers before jumping down Brooklyn Bridge. He clearly doesn’t want to live anymore.”  
Shocked at her comment Chris’ eyebrows shot up. “We’ve taken an oath, Ann!”  
“Not you as well. Please, Chris, take over for me. I'm only allowed to go home if you do. I’m so fucking exhausted.”  
He wanted to say no but what help would she be if she didn’t really want to help the guy?! “Okay. Fine. But you owe me something.” Shaking his head he started to change into his working clothes while Ann started giving him the medical details.  
“Okay. What about his family?” Chris asked while hanging his stethoscope around his neck.  
“He didn’t have any ID only a small piece of paper with the name Brian on it along with a number. We’ve tried calling him but there was only the voice mail. So we’ve called the police to help identify him but they haven’t been here yet.”

Once Chris was dressed they headed towards the examining room. “Why is he still down here anyway!”  
“Apparently there are no capacities on the ICU. But I think Doctor Bell has something to do with it.” Grabbing the patient file from next to the door she handed it to Chris before entering the room. “For now he’s stable but due to the painkillers he might have some brain damage and we also need to keep an eye on his liver and kidneys. Also I’ve informed psychiatry but they told me to fuck off and call again if he wakes up. And if you ask me that’s a big IF. All that hard work and he’ll probably be a drooling mess for the rest of his life.”  
Chris was looking through the file as she talked and only looked up at the end of her speech. His eyes landed on their black-haired patient and for a moment he thought he was hallucinating.  
“Get the fuck out!” He said quietly as he felt a painful sting in his heart.  
“What the fuck?! It’s the truth just look at the amount of pil...”  
“GET THE FUCK OUT!” He screamed as the first tears started rolling down his cheeks. There lay his Tom. His long lashes resting on his cheeks as if he was sleeping but the ugly tube in his mouth and all the wires attached to him proofed that he wasn’t sleeping.

“Doctor Hemsworth?”  
He nearly jumped out of his skin when suddenly the head nurse stood beside him placing a hand on his shoulder. Only then he realised that he was crying like a baby holding Tom’s cold hand.  
“Everything okay? I heard you shout.”  
“His name is Tom. He’s my friend.” His voice was barely there and if the nurse hadn’t been there he would have collapsed to the floor. “Is Doctor Miller working? And we should call Doctor Clemons as well. They’ve treated him before.”  
The nurse looked at him curiously for a moment before nodding and walking out.

Hot tears were streaming down his face as he stood there holding Tom’s hand. Oh, no! Had he been raped again?! He hadn’t been home, maybe that was the reason. Shaking his head he needed to get the thought out of his head. But it would explain why he did what he did.  
Luckily the door opened and Doctor Miller came in before his thoughts could go any further into that darkness. Furrowing her brows she looked first at Tom and then at him. Didn’t she remembered him?!  
“It’s Tom, the...”  
“I know, Chris. Do you know what happened?” She came towards him taking the patient file from his shaking fingers while he started telling her what he knew.

“I... Is there something about, well... There was this guy following him. He was scared. Maybe they...” He couldn’t say it. No way.  
“There aren’t any obvious injuries indicating that. But maybe we should check. Just to be sure.” Grabbing a chair from the wall she pushed it behind Chris. “Why don’t you sit down while I check on him.”

Like paralysed he sat there and watched as Alexandra started to examine him. Checking his vitals, his pupils and finally his lower half.  
A sigh of relief washed through him when she announced that there were no signs of forced penetration or sperm. At least that. But thinking about seeing the guy, who’d scared him, with the cop Chris thought that maybe Tom had been too afraid and decided to end things before they got back at him.  
Alexandra had tugged down the sheet a little checking his breathing. Noticing the tattoo on Tom’s peck he had to grin. He’d always been such a Shakespeare geek.

_They were naked in Tom’s room doing English homework after fucking like rabbits. Tom was lying on his belly on the bed facing the foot end whilst Chris was leaning against the headboard. They had to read some Shakespeare but Chris couldn’t remember if it was a play or something else. Well, he had been distracted by Tom or better his butt. His legs were spread and thus Chris had the perfect view of his seed seeping from his lover’s hole and down onto his full testicles._  
_“Are you even listening?!” Tom eventually asked staring at him over his shoulder._  
_“Hmm? What?” Chris shook his head looking at Tom’s amused face. “Learning naked was definitely a mistake.” His cock had hardened again almost fully. No wonder he couldn’t concentrate._  
_“Well, then maybe you should read and not me.”_

_He had but the words didn’t make any sense to him when he read them himself only when Tom did he at least understood half of it. Reading on he eventually stopped as his eyes had caught on the next phrase._  
_Now he couldn’t remember what it had been but it had involved a sword and the word sheath. Well, and that had been what he had done..._  
  


Coming back to the here and now he heard Alexandra asking about Tom’s personal stuff and a nurse pointed her to a drawer. Taking out a plastic bag she spread the stuff on the counter.  
His curiosity got the better of him and he walked over to her. There wasn’t much there. Just an envelope, a piece of paper with a name and a number on it, some coins and a small plastic bag with two silver barbell piercings.  
“Do you know who this Brian might be?”  
“No idea.” His eyes were still fixed on the piercings while Alexandra opened the damp envelope. And only when she gasped a light “oh" Chris’ eyes landed on what was in her hands. No! Looking up at her face he immediately knew what this meant and so did she.

All of a sudden he felt sick and angry. After all what had happened, how could he go back to doing THAT! Once more tears were welling up in his eyes, only this time they were tears of rage. He’d offered Tom to stay at his but no, he’d rather go back to being a fucking whore! He didn’t know that guy anymore. That wasn’t the Tom he once knew and loved.  
“I’ve got patients waiting.” He pressed out and stormed off without reacting to Alexandra calling his name.

For the next two hours he avoided the examining room Tom was in. He just couldn’t look at him. Despite there was a lot going on like usually, so there were more important things to deal with. And he actually didn’t plan on going back checking on Tom if not necessary. The nurses would call him if that would be the case.  
He had tended to a ten-year-old child who thought it funny to stuff peas up his nose until he could hardly breath when one of the nurses stopped him.  
“Doctor Hemsworth, you’ve taken over the patient in exam 5, right?”  
“Yes.” She didn’t sound as if there was an emergency with Tom.  
“Doctor Montgomery called the number they found on him. Now the guy is here. I’ve brought him into exam 3.”  
“Okay. Thanks.” He didn’t really want to deal with the guy as he was pretty sure what his relationship to Tom was. He wasn’t even allowed to share information with him. Besides why did the guy come here in the first place? Why bother if a whore you fucked was in hospital?

Wanting to get it over with he headed straight to the room only to stop dead in his tracks as Senator Brian Robertson was standing in front of him looking worried. Great! Tom was screwing a high-rank politician. That wouldn’t make it easier.  
“Please, Doctor, tell me what happened to Tom. I’ve been trying to find him since last night. I knew something was wrong.”  
Surprised and slightly shocked Chris stared at him. He really seemed to care.

When he still hadn’t said anything a while later the Senator started to speak again. “I’ve been called and a woman said a black-haired guy had been brought in who had my number on him and nothing else. His name is Tom. I don’t know his last name. We’re... He’s a friend.” The last words came out rather carefully and Chris wanted to throw up.  
“It’s nice that you came here but we can’t give you any information as you’re not family.” Chris said coldly.  
“He’s got nobody. His parents threw him out when he was 16.”  
Chris’ jaw dropped as he hadn’t thought that Tom would share such intimate details with a customer.  
“Please, I just want to know that he’s alright.”  
Well, considering the bundle of cash Tom seemed to be special for the politician – in whatever ways – but he needed to protect Tom’s privacy as Doctor and friend.  
“He’s alive. That’s all I can say.”  
“Do you know who I am?” The older man snapped at him.  
“Of course, Senator. The more I'm surprised you show up here making a fuss about seeing the guy you pay for sex.” Chris blurted out his anger once more boiling up in him.

Brian went pale on hearing Chris say that. Who else did know? “He’s told you?”  
Shaking his head the Aussie wanted to punch something or someone. “He can’t talk. He thought it was fun to swallow at least a dozen painkillers before going for a swim in the East River. So no! He hasn’t! And you sh...”  
“Chris! Chris!” Suddenly a hand was on his shoulder squeezing lightly and when he turned he was glad to see Emma Clemons standing there. Breaking out in sobs he hugged her closely before crying against her neck.

Confused the Senator watched what was going on.  
He’d known Tom would do something stupid and he wished he had insisted on him staying. And if he hadn’t been naked, he would have been faster to follow him. But by the time he'd dressed and ran after him there hadn’t been a sign of him anymore.  
However, this display before him right now didn’t make any sense. The young Doctor was still crying but why? Was he another of Tom’s customers?  
Hang on! His first name was Chris!!! Oh no! That wasn’t possible!

Emma finally managed to calm Chris down – at least a little. Doctor Miller had called her during a date, which she quickly ended. The guy had been horrible anyway, so she was happy about the excuse.  
She gave the older man an apologetic smile whilst still holding Chris. Alexandra had told her about the number and about Chris’ reaction only to be informed by a nurse that this Brian guy had arrived and Doctor Hemsworth was speaking with him. She knew it was a bad idea.  
“Why don’t you take a break, Chris. Have a coffee in the lounge. I’ll be with you in a moment.”  
Nodding he got up and left but not before glaring daggers at the politician.

“He’s Tom’s ex, isn’t he?” The Senator eventually asked, which made her jaw drop.  
“He’s told you?” Putting on her professionally distanced face she asked.  
“Yes. We’re something like friends, I guess.”  
“Friends? Don’t you think it’s more of a business relationship?”  
Now his jaw dropped. Why did everybody know about it? Maybe it had been a mistake to come here after all as he absolutely didn’t want a scandal. “Partly maybe.” He pressed out as she kept staring at him.  
“Don’t worry, everything we speak stays in this room. I’m Doctor Emma Clemons by the way.”  
“Brian Robertson.” They shook hands.  
“He spent the night with you?”  
“Yes, well, only a few hours. I wanted him to stay but he basically ran off. He was so different.”  
“It wasn’t your first time.” She had a feeling about this.  
“No.” It was no surprise that he was tight-lipped as he surely was afraid about his reputation.  
“Well, you clearly have a quite intimate relationship with Tom, otherwise you wouldn’t know that much about him. And he has to trust you if he told you that much about himself.”  
Letting out a sigh he stared at his hands “I met him about six years ago. Now I know he’s been underage back then. He seemed so lost and I liked taking care of him. It took him a while but he eventually opened up to me more and more. When he was with me it almost felt as if he was my boyfriend. I think we both enjoyed our time together. But last night was different. He was so distanced. Not initiating contact as usual. I hadn’t seen him for about 3 months. I asked him about it. I mean he always was skinny but now...  
I ordered his favourite Chinese food but he hardly ate. He said he’d been sick. But I didn’t quite believe him. We watched a movie cuddling in bed before sleeping with each other and basically the moment I had come he ran off. I... Shit! Did I hurt him?”  
Listening curiously she shook her head. “No, you haven’t.”  
“He hasn’t got AIDS or something?” Puzzled she looked at him. “I mean you seem to know about his, well, profession and he’s so skinny. And he’s tried to kill himself.”  
“No, it’s not that. Don’t worry.”  
“I know I’m not his family but I really care for him. He doesn’t have a family really. Ask Chris. He knows.”  
“I know. Come on, let’s go and see him.” She knew this wasn’t following the rules but she could clearly see that Tom meant something to the politician.

Brian was surprised that the woman agreed on letting him see Tom that easily. On their way down the hallway he caught some of the looks people gave him and being a professional he nodded at some. Thinking about his reputation he would take some pictures with the staff later and post it online referring to the organisation for homeless people he supported.

They entered the examining room and Brian couldn’t stop tears welling up in his eyes as he saw the young man lying there attached to numerous machines.  
The Doctor put a hand on his shoulder and he let out a sob.  
“I knew something was wrong with him. I wanted him to stay. To tell me what’s wrong. I should have tried harder.”  
“It’s not your fault.” No, it was the system which had failed once again. She actually was surprised that he seemed to manage that long but looking at his skinny frame he’d been on the path of self-destruction for a while.  
“I’ll pay for everything necessary. Just, please, help him.” The Senator sat down next to Tom grabbing his hand. It almost looked like the man was in love.  
“Don’t worry. We will.” It was actually quite sad but now that Tom had tried to kill himself her boss couldn’t throw him out this easily. “He’s really important to you.” She sat down to see if Brian could tell her something about Tom that might help her.  
“Yes. I’ve actually asked him numerous times to move into my guestroom but he probably thought I was joking. And maybe I wasn’t serious about it or had the wrong motives. I wanted him to myself. I always hated it if he smelled like someone else's perfume or aftershave or whatever. That’s why I always showered with him before... You know.” Right then something hit him like a train. “How do you know about his, well, profession anyway?” As far as he could say Tom was unconscious and with that tube in his throat he couldn’t talk. Only... They must have treated him before.  
“I can’t tell you that.” She said with a soft smile.  
“He’s been your patient before, hasn’t he? He’s done this before! He wasn’t really sick!”  
Surprised she looked at him whilst carefully shaking her head. “I can’t...”  
“Emma? Chris is destroying the lounge. Could you please talk to him?”  
She looked at Alexandra then at Brian, who briefly nodded at her. “Would you stay with him for a bit? It might help him to see a friendly face when he wakes up.”

* * *

Chris had followed Emma’s advice pouring himself a cup of coffee. Sitting down in an armchair he took some sips before once more tears welled up in his eyes. He was confused, angry, hurt and jealous. How could Tom sleep with that guy?! There had been something between them at that Café. He was sure of it.  
He felt sick as he thought about with how many others Tom might have slept since there last meeting.

Then after a while his traitorous mind conjured the mental image of Tom eagerly riding the Senator’s cock whilst moaning, which was too much. And before he knew it the half-full mug he was holding flew across the room shattering on the opposite wall. But that wasn’t enough. Jumping up he grabbed a plate with cookies standing on the table and it followed the mug. He’d already destroyed half the mugs when the door opened and Emma stepped in. Pausing for a moment he stared at her only now noticing that he was heavily crying. She quickly crossed the room and hugged him.

For what felt like an eternity they stood there like that until Chris finally couldn’t cry anymore. Looking into Emma’s eyes he immediately felt ashamed.  
As if reading his mind she said “It’s okay to feel upset. Actually it’s not uncommon. He’s tried to hurt himself but he’s also hurt you that way.”  
Chris huffed “Hurt himself? He fucking tried to kill himself! And he’s fucking with that old wanker. Maybe I should have offered him cash for a fuck and not my sofa to sleep on.”  
“What?” She was slightly confused.  
“He was playing music down where the flea market is held. I went to watch him quite often. Then a couple of weeks back that guy approached him afterwards. He was terrified, so I, well, saved him. We went to a Café and talked a little. I asked if the guy was one of his rapists but he wouldn’t tell me. I could tell that he was terrified, so I offered him to stay at my place. Wrote him down my address and number but never heard a word from him. Probably threw it in the next bin. And then he keeps the number of that idiot who just wants to screw him.”  
“Have you told him that you still love him?”  
“Yes. I’ve tried. But instead he goes and lets some rich idiot stuff his cock into him for meaningless sex. And God knows how many others.”  
“I don’t think it’s meaningless between them. Otherwise Tom wouldn’t have opened up to him about his past. And I’ve got the feeling that Brian actually has feelings for him.”  
“And?! What about all these other guys he’s fucked? A wonder he hasn’t got a fucking tripper or AIDS. I mean he’s having his ass stuffed with cocks for a living.” He was getting angrier and angrier with every word. “And then some guys fuck him at the same time and he has a fucking breakdown and ruins my life as well! I fucking hate him!” Once that was out Chris slapped his palm over his mouth. Had he really just said that?!  
Emma was looking at him with compassion holding his hand. “Tell me, Chris, why do you hate him?”  
Blinking his eyes he shook his head. “I don’t. I didn’t want to say that.”  
“But it’s true nonetheless. So?”

Thinking about it Chris almost fell back onto the armchair realising that it was true. “I hate him for trying to kill himself. For sleeping with all these guys and not being bothered by it. For not accepting my help. For not loving me anymore. And for running away... And I hate myself for having hurt him so much that he ran and probably felt worthless. So worthless that he sold his body.”  
Emma didn’t say a word just looked at him for a while holding his hand.  
“You know, Chris, I think you are both quite similar only that Tom’s got a huge tendency to self-destruction. Probably because of what happened with him when he was a teenager. I understand your anger at him but please be there for him nonetheless when he wakes up as he’s hating himself already enough anyway.”


	10. The End of the World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How did Tom end up in hospital? And what has Brian got to do with it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Totally forgot to post this chapter. Originally t was planned as chapter 9. Hope it's not too confusing...

A day earlier...

It had been about two weeks after he'd bumped into Chris when he was once more playing at the park. Every time since then he'd intently looked around searching for Chris but he wasn’t there. Well, he’d surely be working.  
Luckily he also hadn’t seen the other guys. The sun was getting more and more powerful every day and he couldn’t wait for spring to finally start. The first brave flowers were already peeking out from the floor.

It was around noon when he stopped playing as his fingers started to hurt. As usually he packed up his stuff and headed towards his home.  
Passing a little supermarket he stopped abruptly staring at the bright coloured Slushies. Grinning he went inside. Surely it was still a bit cold for it but he just wanted one.

_##_

_It was a hot summer day and they headed home from swimming in the lake. Tom’s parents were once again gone on a business trip, so when the heat got too much they decided to let off some steam at his place._   
_They’d stopped briefly at the ice cream parlour and whilst Chris was licking at a huge ball of chocolate ice cream Tom was sipping a blue Slushy from a plastic cup._   
_“I can’t believe you actually like this stuff!” Chris eventually said._   
_Tom just looked at him raising an eyebrow questioningly._   
_“I mean it's so ridiculously sweet. And these colours.”_   
_Tom didn’t dignify him with an answer and just walked faster. There was already a big bulge in his pants and Chris grew harder every moment as well._

_As soon as the front door had closed behind them they were all over each other. Tom’s slightly blue tongue thrust into Chris’ mouth and they ripped each other’s shirts off._   
_“Bathroom?” Chris asked thinking about their talk about shower sex the other day._   
_“Great idea.” Grabbing Chris’ hand in his he tugged him along still holding the plastic cup in his other one._

_Once in the upstairs bathroom he put the cup on the sink before quickly tugging down his shorts._

__

_Chris couldn’t help but moan at the sight of his boyfriend’s erection jumping free. “You’re so fucking hot!” Again they French kissed and tasting Tom’s sugary tongue he had a sudden idea._   
_“Can we try something, baby?”_   
_“What?” Tom’s eyebrow shot up._   
_“Lie on the floor and I’ll show you.”_

_With a grin he obeyed his lover who quickly stripped before grabbing his legs and basically folding him in half. Tom’s eyes widened as his erection was basically hanging in front of his face in that position and if he came his load would shoot straight in his face. He was focussed on his own cock that he didn’t notice that Chris was spreading his butt cheeks – only when his hot tongue licked over his entrance he stiffened. Letting out a surprised gasp he looked up at Chris who was staring down at him whilst eating him out._   
_“How is that, baby?” Not waiting for an answer he continued licking which made Tom scream and the first droplets of precum seeped from his dick falling directly into his open mouth._

_Tom was ready to cum his balls nearly disappearing into his body when Chris stopped. Whining in protest he searched for Chris between his legs. A second later his head appeared again grinning down at him. “I could get used to seeing you like that, baby.” Winking at him he placed two fingers at his lover's hole spreading him open._   
_Tom’s breath got even faster and a moment later something thin and hard entered him. Furrowing his brows he stared up at Chris when suddenly a cold liquid ran into his hole._   
_“FUCK! CHIRS! WHA... AAAAAH!” The grinning Aussie slowly tugged the thin thing from him. It took him a moment to realise that Chris was holding the plastic cup with his blue treat. Slowly he pushed the thin long straw into the cup sipping the sweet liquid into it before blocking the top hole with his thumb. Like in slow motion the straw moved downwards and a moment later another rush of cool liquid flooded his body and when a hot tongue slurped at him a moment later he came all over his face._   
  


Tom couldn’t help but blush at the memory of that day. They’d made quite the mess and the floor was still kind of sticky a week later. For their age they’d done quite some filthy stuff...

Sipping at his neon green apple Slushy he slowly walked towards his home. As it looked nobody was home, so his hand automatically moved to the 4 inch switchblade in his jeans pocket. He’d bought it about a week ago and he actually felt slightly saver.

Dropping onto his sleeping bag he reclined against the wall thinking about Chris and his offer. During the last days he’d often come back to the idea of a proper home. Not with Chris obviously but with the money he'd earned at his old job he definitely would be able to afford a small place if he abstained from any other luxuries. Then he could lock the door behind him and not having to worry about someone abducting or raping him as he slept. He had thought about it in the past but he’d rather spent his money on food, a massage or something like that instead of a shabby place with cockroaches as room mates.  
The only problem was that he wasn’t sure if he could go back to, well, being a whore.

Maybe he could try and start with blow jobs and once he was comfortable with those again he could go further.  
“Look, who we’ve got here!” Marvin suddenly stood only a few feet away from him in his uniform.  
Panic rose in him and he quickly tugged out the switchblade. “Don’t come any closer!”  
“Ooooooh. You think you’re scaring me? I could easily arrest you for threatening me.” With a hand on his gun he got closer to him.  
“GO AWAY!”  
“Be a good boy and put that knife down. And then you can suck me off!”  
His hand was shaking as the cop got closer and closer and when already could smell Marvin’s aftershave he jumped up and ran.

Without looking back he ran until he was standing in the middle of a group of people waiting at a red light. For once he cursed his height as his head clearly stuck out but when he eventually dared to check if he was following him he couldn’t see him. Slightly relieved he headed down the street until he stopped in front of the shop where he’d gotten his tattoo.  
He really hadn’t planned to but out of a sudden impulse he entered the shop not seeing the police car following him.

As he lay on the stool shirtless and waiting for the piercer he thought about the entire situation again. Marvin could have easily chased him and arrested him in front of all these people and never mind what he would have said or screamed for help nobody would have done anything. He was defenceless. The only thing that might stop him were four walls in some apartment building. And there was only one way he could afford it.

The brief, sharp pain had already vanished again and he felt a dull throbbing in his nipples now. He liked it. Somehow it reminded him that he was still alive although he didn’t really feel like it. It hit him like a train: ever since he’d been raped he felt like a fucking ghost.

It still would be a few hours until the dark would set in and potential customers would be down by the park. He would do it. And then when he had enough money he’d get a little flat where he could hide during the day. But what if one of his abusers would show up wanting to pick him up?! Well, he wasn’t alone there. And they always helped each other. Damn! He should have warned his colleagues about the mayor and his friends. Fuck!  
Sitting in a small coffee he warmed up and waited until the evening came. He’d start with a blowjob and if he was fine with those again he’d take a step further.  
Finally it was time to go to work and he slowly walked towards the park not noticing a small guy following him.

He could already see a few figures standing at the side of the road when a shudder went through him. Could he really do this?  
“Hey, Tom!” He nearly had a heart-attack when Caleb jumped at him from behind scaring off his follower unknowingly. “Haven't seen you in ages.”  
“Yeah, I... Listen, the mayor and some of his friends aren’t playing by he rules. I should have warned you guys earlier.”  
“What do you mean? That gangbang group?”  
Tom’s jaw dropped to the floor. “You know about it?!”  
“Yeah. Everybody does. He’s picked you up a couple of times as well, hasn’t he?”  
“Ye... Yes. But never for that. Not until... Never mind.” He was shocked that apparently everybody knew they were doing that but nobody had warned him.  
“Hang on! He picked you up like I don’t know how often. We thought you were enjoying that sort of thing. Shit! They've... Fuck! You alright?!”  
They’d stopped walking and Tom just wanted to cry. A few cars were already driving past them and stopped a bit further on.  
“Tom, I...”

Right then a car stopped beside them and Tom felt sick, his heart hammering in his chest. And then the window rolled down and he saw who it was. The Senator.  
“Tom? Is that really you?!”  
Nodding he took a step towards the open window. Somehow he felt relieved. The Senator was the perfect customer for his first night back.  
“Wow, you look so different. I’ve actually been missing you. Care to join me.”  
Again he nodded before quickly getting into the car. What he didn’t know was that only two blocks away a police car came driving towards his location, the driver having an evil plan.

“You’re so quiet tonight. Is everything alright?”  
“Sure.” A short while later they were driving into the familiar underground car park of the Senator home.  
“I haven’t seen you since Christmas. I was actually worried about you – especially when no-one had seen you.”  
Shrugging his shoulder he slowly got out of the car and headed over to the elevator followed by his customer.  
“Are you sure you're okay?” They stepped into the sterile cabin.  
Tom actually had missed the Senator as well – at least a bit. Not the sex but the way he felt when he was with him. He’d always felt taken care of from the moment he’d gotten into his car until he left the flat again usually the next morning. But now he was just nervous.

Soon they reached the floor of the flat and a few moments later the door fell closed behind them. In the bright light of the flat the Senator stared at Tom for a while until he slowly took off his jacket and shoes before helping Tom with his.  
“You look kind of more grown up with your new look. I like it.” His fingers were ghosting over his neck smiling. Grabbing the young man's hand he led him to the living room where he slowly tugged up his cotton sweater. Tom didn’t really want to be naked but he figured that if he wasn’t able to deal with the Senator, he wouldn’t with any other customer.

The Senator was staring at his chest and Tom followed his gaze. Of course he’d be staring at his tattoo and piercings but what he said the next moment surprised him.  
“God, you’re skinny. Have you been sick?”  
“Kind of.” He eventually managed to say.  
“It’s nothing serious, I hope.”  
“Don’t worry. It’s not AIDS or something.” He didn’t know why he said it but seeing relief on his customer’s face he felt even more sick.  
“Good. Why don’t you go and start the shower while I order dinner?”  
“Okay.” He just headed in the direction of the bathroom like a robot. Well, it always was the same ritual. Shower, preparation part 1, dinner, preparation part 2 and then sex. He wasn’t keen on it but he had to try and see if his plan could work.

He’d already started the water and was now standing in front of the shower stall his undies still on. Was he really ready to be touched down there again by another man?  
Sex had become a business transaction for him a long time ago, so what was different? He should try and see it as him letting the Senator use his body for money. Not more. Not less.

Nodding to himself he eventually took off his undies as well and stepped under the warm spray of water. Not long after the Senator came in quickly shedding his own clothes and joining him.  
“I really like your tattoo and those piercings are quite hot as well.” The older man leaned in and kissed down his neck to his collar bone a finger gently ghosting over the piercing.  
“They’re quite new, so don’t play with them too much. And no sucking on them or something.” He quickly blurted out.  
“Okay. I'd rather suck on something else anyway.” Winking at him he wrapped his fingers around the younger man’s shaft stroking him lazily.

For a brief moment Tom froze but when he looked at who was doing it he relaxed again. It was just the two of them and he’d always loved to have his cock sucked by the Senator.  
With a grin the older man sank on his knees before Tom grabbing some body wash. Tom’s knees almost buckled when his customer eagerly swallowed his still flaccid dick and started to suck and lick at him.  
“I’ve missed your beautiful cock, my sweet darling.”

He knew what was coming but still when the body wash covered hands touched his buttocks he tensed. The older man didn’t seem to notice, though, and continued. When moments later a slick finger stroked over his hole he hardly managed to stifle a whine.  
“You okay?” Big grey eyes were looking up at him in concern.  
“Yes.” He had to do this. To his own surprise he found that his cock was actually hard and graving attention. And a moment later it got sucked into the hot mouth of his customer again. So good.

He didn’t dare to close his eyes as he didn’t want to have a flashback or something. He’d almost forgotten how good it felt to have someone suck you off and in no time the first precum seeped from his slit. To his misery the Senator decided that was the perfect moment to slip the first finger into his lover for the night.  
Slightly panicking Tom tried to escape the intrusion and thus thrust his cock into the Senator’s throat quite roughly. His customer started coughing and pulled off quickly, however, his finger stayed where it was.  
“I'm so sorry, Senator. I didn’t want to. It’s... I'm sorry.” Still in slight panic he wiggled his hips but instead of letting him go the older man slipped another finger into him.  
“Easy, darling. It’s okay. But if you don’t call me Brian, I won’t continue to suck you off.” A smirk spread on his face and Tom just stupidly nodded. “Good. Then say it.”  
Furrowing his brows he looked down at the expectant man. “BrianaaaaaAAAAH!" His cock got sucked back into the hot mouth of his customer and his fingers were pressing against the spot that always made him weak in the knees. And to his surprise it seemed to be more sensitive than it was.  
It didn’t take much more to make him come undone and hope was building up in him that this could actually work.

With nothing but a towel wrapped around his hips Tom sat on Brian’s bed listening as his customer talked to the delivery guy. He felt more comfortable than he thought he would and maybe he actually could enjoy this a little. So far Brian had always made sure he’d enjoy himself as well.

Carrying a plastic bag with food into the bedroom the older man soon joined him. Taking off his robe and sweats he climbed on bed before also taking off Tom’s towel.  
“Let’s eat and watch a movie, darling. I’ve ordered Chinese from the place you like so much.”  
As it looked Brian had ordered food for 10 people and not just two. Tom watched as the older man opened the various containers and spread the food out on the bed before joining him and turning on the TV. Tom nearly snorted when Dirty Dancing started playing. They’d actually watched that numerous times and they loved to cuddle while watching.

As usually these days Tom couldn’t eat more than a few bites which didn’t escape his customer. “Is that all you're eating?!” He eventually asked when Tom had reclined against the pillows.  
“I’m not that hungry.”  
The older man sighed and paused the movie. “You’re just skin and bones, Tom. I’m worried. Maybe you’ve got an eating disorder. You should go and see a doctor. I can come with you if you want.”  
Tears welled up in his eyes and he felt angry all of a sudden. Who was he to judge him?! He had no fucking idea! “That’s none of your business. Finish eating, then fuck me, so I can go!”

Brian didn’t know him like that. Tom had always been nice and kind. Not like this. There clearly was something wrong with him and he would find out what it was.

After he’d cleaned away the remaining food he covered them both with the blanket. Normally it wouldn’t take more than a few seconds for Tom to cuddle into him but tonight he just kept sitting where he was. Wrapping an arm around the young man he tugged him to his chest. At first he wouldn’t quite settle in but in the end he relaxed into him.  
When “She’s Like the Wind" started playing the Senator felt tears falling onto his chest but didn’t think much of it as Tom usually cried during the movie especially when Baby's dad hugged his daughter again being - once more - proud of her.

Soon the movie was over but they were so comfortable that neither wanted to move. Tom had almost forgotten what he was there for. During the movie he’d thought that maybe anonymous sex would have been the saver option for going back to work but he knew he could trust Brian to stop if he told him to unlike most other customers.  
“You know you can talk to me, Tom. I don’t know what happened but I’ll be there for you. And the offer of staying in my guestroom still stands.”  
Maybe that would be the solution. He’d be safe here. The only thing he would have to do was sleeping with the Senator occasionally. Well, he’d see if he could handle it and then he’d decide.

Eventually the older man had enough of cuddling and slowly rolled him on his back whilst placing gentle kisses on his neck. It was far from what the mayor and his friends had done to him but still his heartbeat accelerated and he started to feel nervous.  
Brian’s lips slowly kissed down his body until he kissed his cock tenderly licking at his tip. He kept it up until Tom was semi-hard before he slowly spread his legs. Kneeling between the young man’s legs he leaned over to the nightstand grabbing a bottle of lube and the towel that had been wrapped around Tom’s hips earlier.

The Senator smiled at him warm-heartedly as he poured some into his palm after putting the towel in place. Tom’s heart was hammering wildly in his chest. Could he really do this?  
Like earlier in the shower his customer started by rubbing the slick gel onto his pucker and took his time to slip the first finger in. Tom couldn’t stifle a whine when a thick finger glided into him. Staring at Brian he nearly started crying. No! He had to manage!

Full credit to the Senator as he took his time to prepare his lover for the night but of course he’d noticed that Tom hadn’t done any preparation himself, which was strange.  
When he eventually slipped a second finger in and Tom tensed up he had a bad feeling. “Are you alright, darling? We don’t have to do this.”  
“Fine. Everything fine. Go on, please.”  
He still wasn’t convinced. “You haven’t prepared yourself tonight, have you?”  
Tom’s eyes widened and he couldn’t help tears welling up in his eyes. “No. I'm sorry. I just didn’t think I’d be...” Blinking his eyes fast he tried to get rid of his tears but two droplets managed to sneak out of the corners of his eyes rolling down his cheeks.  
“Shhhhh. It’s alright. I actually love it.” Leaning over him the older man once more kissed his neck and below his ear. “Oh, I wish I could kiss your lips.” More kisses followed and his fingers gently started to rub against his prostate.  
His cock gave a hard twitch at that and hope was building up in him that he actually could do this.

Not long after a third finger joined the other two and Tom’s heart nearly stopped at the slightly painful sensation. Luckily it soon was gone again.  
Brian’s cock was already rock-hard ready to fill him. He could do it! He had to! Besides he’d always enjoyed the sex with Brian.

Slowly the three fingers thrust in and out of him. He’d expected to panic but he hadn’t. Good. Soon the thrusts stopped and the Senator reached for a condom. He could do this!  
The fingers disappeared and a few moments later the older man’s cock slowly glided into him. It wasn’t too bad. Maybe he could go back to his life before that horrible night.

The Senator was careful with thrusts as he had the feeling Tom wasn’t as comfortable as he could be. However, it felt so good. So tight! Probably he’d stretch himself with at least four fingers normally but this was so much better.  
Grabbing Tom behind the knees he pushed his legs upwards so he could go deeper. “So fucking good, darling. So tight for me.” He moaned.

Maybe it were those words or the fact that he’d closed his eyes for a moment but suddenly he felt panic rise in him and he expected the door to fly open any moment and a group of guys coming in. Unfortunately the Senator thought that the sudden tensing up meant Tom was enjoying himself and got rougher. When a moment ago his cock had been leaking precum, he was back to flaccid now.  
In horror he found that he couldn’t speak, so he lay there shaking lightly staring at the door as the clueless Senator fucked him rougher and rougher.  
In the end he came inside him before collapsing on top of a silently crying Tom.

Brian was still panting hard as he felt Tom trying to shift beneath him. He needed to get his customer’s flaccid dick out of him and then he needed to get the fuck out of there. NOW!  
Managing to get the older man off of him he quickly got out of the bed wiping away his tears. He could cry once he had closed the door behind him.  
“What’s wrong, Tom? Did I hurt you?”  
Just shaking his head he didn’t even dare to look at the dumbfounded Brian. Tom always loved to cuddle with him afterwards, so what had happened.  
“Why don’t you come back to bed, darling? Cuddle a bit.”  
He was already at the door to the living room where his clothes lay. “Can’t. I’ve got another customer waiting.” He knew these words would hurt the Senator and he hoped for a quick exit.

With shaking fingers he got into his undies and jeans before Brian showed up next to him. Still ignoring the Senator’s stare he quickly put on his socks and finally his sweater.  
“Whatever I’ve done, Tom, I’m sorry. But please stay!”  
“Can’t.” He quickly said shaking his head still not meeting his gaze. His plan had just evaporated like a fucking bubble. He knew exactly what to do now.

Storming to the door he quickly pulled on his shoes and grabbed his jacket but the Senator’s hand grabbed his upper arm. The older man was totally baffled by his behaviour. He’d never seen him like that. But he knew one thing for sure: something was wrong with Tom. But what?  
“Your money.” He eventually said and handed a bundle of Dollar notes to him.  
Finally blue eyes met grey ones and what Brian saw made him shiver. It was a mixture of fear and desperation. Tom’s eyes were filled with tears but he stubbornly refused to let them fall.  
“Thanks.” It was hardly a whisper. Grabbing the money he felt worse than ever. He just wanted to reach for the door handle when once again the Senator’s hand stopped him.  
“Wait!” He needed to do something. But what?! Quickly reaching for a piece of paper lying next to the phone and started to write down his private number and his first name. “I don’t think I can convince you to stay here but please know that you can always call me – no matter what day or time. And the offer of staying in my guestroom still stands as well. I’m there for you. If you let me.”

Shit! Now his tears were falling uncontrollably. He needed to go before he gave in to the urge of pressing his face into the Senator’s chest and cry his eyes out whilst being soothed by him. Grabbing the paper as well he just nodded and stormed out of the apartment.

Walking the dark streets he thought about what to do – or better how to do it. It wasn’t until dawn broke that he found the answer to that question as he saw a sign for the Brooklyn Bridge. Nodding to himself he headed that way and when he was only a few blocks away anymore fate made him pass a pharmacy. Better safe than sorry. Right?  
He bought a pack of painkillers and water before heading towards his destination. The river would be freezing at this time of year, so it surely would be quick.  
In an alley he open the pack and started to down the pills, all 20, one after the other. Dropping the empty pack and water bottle to the floor he kept walking and in no time he found himself walking onto the bridge. The morning was quite cold and he was shivering, although that also could have to do with the effect of the pills. He felt slightly dizzy as he tumbled further onto the bridge. There were already quite a big number of commuters heading into the city, which surprised him. Some were cursing at him as he stumbled into their way.

He’d almost reached the middle of the bridge when his knees buckled and he fell to the floor. He needed to act as long as he still could!  
Another cyclist cursed at him as he had to drive around him but all Tom heard was his own blood rushing through his veins. Tugging himself up he started to climb onto the banister.  
“Hey! Stop that!” He heard someone shouting and then he fell...


	11. Lucky? Indeed!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will Tom wake up? And how will he react?

Tom woke slowly. He still felt so sleepy. But hang on! It was way too warm and comfy to be his sleeping bag. Where was he?

...

Blinking his eyes he saw light. Too bright for his liking, so he quickly closed them again. Rolling around he cuddled deeper into the bed tugging the soft blanket up to his ears. The sheets just smelled absolutely delicious.  
“I’ve made coffee, sleepy head.” A familiar voice said but he couldn’t put a name to it. Peeking out from beneath the blanket his eyes landed on the Senator. Brian.  
Right he'd slept with him last night.

Groaning he covered his face again with the blanket which only made his customer chuckle more.  
“Okay, then stay where you are. I’ve got some meetings but I’ll be back in a few hours then we can discuss you moving into my guestroom. Of course you can sleep in my bed as well, if you want.”  
He was so sleepy that he couldn’t react. He’d never agree to this.

...

A warm hand was on his. He could feel it but who was that?  
No matter how hard he tried he couldn’t open his eyes. But he felt good. Calm. Safe. Warm.  
“Tom?” That voice again.

...

When he woke up the sun wasn’t blinding him anymore and he took in the room. It was Brian’s bedroom. Sighing he rolled to his back only to notice a dull throbbing in his butt. He used to love that feeling but now it reminded him of THAT night. The desperation and misery. The pain and shame.  
But he’d done it. He’d had sex again. With Brian and he was sure he could do it again and at some point he might even enjoy it again.

Slowly getting up he stretched his long limbs and stepped over to the armchair where his clothes lay. He’d just put on his briefs when his eyes landed on a figure standing on the pavement across the street. Marvin. Damn. He couldn’t leave, not without being seen. Why was he there in the first place? Had he followed them last night?

Right then his stomach growled and he was actually hungry for the first time in ages. Heading to the kitchen he checked the fridge only to find the leftovers from last night. Loading a dish with food he put it into the microwave and afterwards quickly devoured it.

After his lunch he checked the street again only to see that Marvin was still there and had been joined by that big guy. Fuck! Maybe there was a back exit.

He was just heading towards the door when Brian entered – followed by Chris. What the fuck?!  
“Hi, Tom.” They said in unison but he could just stare.  
“I’ve bumped into Chris and he wants to be part of our arrangement.”  
“Arrangement?” What was going on?  
“Well, why don’t you sit on the sofa and we’ll explain, baby.” Chris said calmly.  
To his horror he did just that and both men took a seat on his sides.  
“So, as we’ve talked last night you’ll get to stay in my guestroom free of rent. The only thing you’ll do for me is to sleep with me when I want you to.” Brian explained.  
“And with me. We can also share you, if you’re comfortable with that.” Chris added.  
He wanted to stand up and leave. It always had been on his conditions if he had sex with someone and he didn’t want that to change. So he opened his mouth to say something like “Fuck you!” or something similar but instead he heard himself say “Okay. Who wants to go first?”

...

“Tom? Can you hear me?”  
There was a brief shimmer of light as he blinked his eyes and there sat someone next to his bed? Chris? He was too tired to fuck now.

...

They had quickly stripped him in the living room and Brian explained calmly as he gently stroked his cock “You’re not allowed to wear clothes in here only this.” From out of nowhere he tugged a thick leather collar and fastened it around his neck.  
Four hands were on him a moment later groping at him until one disappeared between his buttocks and a finger sank into him.  
“And you’ll wear this.” Chris stood behind him one finger in his rear as he presented a silver metal butt plug to him. It wasn’t too big but he also wasn’t keen on wearing it the entire time.  
“Yes, Sir.” He heard himself saying. What was wrong with him today?

Brian leaned back against the sofa opening his zipper and tugging out his cock. “Be a good boy and suck me off while Chris prepares your hole.”  
Without hesitation he obeyed and climbed onto the sofa on all fours so Chris had easy access to him.  
Greedily he sucked at the Senator whilst Chris was finger-fucking him until he was finally loose enough for the plug. He let out a moan as the cool metal slipped into him and a moment later Brian came down his throat.

Later that night he lay sandwiched between the two men feeling his erection grow as they gently caressed his chest and belly. On seeing him harden both men lowered their heads to his cock and licked alongside it up to his tip where they French-kissed each other (and his tip).  
“I want you in me. Both!” He heard himself saying although a voice inside him was protesting.  
“Absolutely.” Brian rolled on his back and tugged him onto his chest so he ended up straddling him. Chris fingers roughly ripped the plug from him only to thrust at least three fingers into him.  
“We need to loosen you up first, though.”

Brian cuddled him on his chest while Chris was fingering him and in the end fisting him. And – to his own horror – he was moaning like the whore he was. His own erection lay trapped between his and the Senator’s body leaking precum.  
“Okay. I think he’s ready for us.” Chris announced. They lifted him slightly and a moment later the first cock easily slipped into him soon followed by the second one and it felt fucking amazing. In the end he rode their cocks like there was no tomorrow, his own erection wildly jumping with every move. Yes!

...

“NO!”  
His eyes flew open only to realise he was alone in bed. Good.  
Confused he looked around himself. Where was he? He couldn’t really move and his body somehow hurt all over. No! Had they gotten him again and raped him?  
No matter how hard he tried he couldn’t remember but he definitely was in hospital. He heard a door opening and looking in the direction he almost expected Marvin or one of his friends standing there but it was a small woman with black hair. She moved her mouth but he couldn’t hear a thing.  
All of a sudden he felt so tired and his eyes fell shut again as a warm hand touched him. And just before he blacked out again he remembered. Remembered that he’d slept with the Senator and the way he’d felt. And what he’d done afterwards – or better tried to do as he apparently hadn’t succeeded.

Next time he woke someone was holding his hand. His first instinct was to tug his hand away but then again he didn’t want that person to know that he was awake. Lying still he fought the urge to push whoever it was away and he actually managed for quite a while until he couldn’t take it anymore. From one moment to the next the hand on his felt as if it was boiling hot, so he quickly ripped it out of that person's grip. His eyes flew open and he was basically shocked to find the Senator sitting there staring back at him.  
“You’re awake!”  
“What the fuck are you doing here?!” His voice sounded hoarse and his throat actually hurt quite a bit.  
“Let me get the Doctor. Just a moment.” Jumping up the politician disappeared through the door.

Shaking his head Tom tried to sit up. He needed to get out of there. But his body wouldn’t obey him and he wasn’t able to even get upright. Shit!  
There were numerous sensors and tubes attached to him and instead he started to rip those off only to cause a loud alarm and a moment later two women came running in.

While one turned off the alarm, the other tried to calm him down and get him to lie back down but he kept fighting her.  
“Don’t fucking touch me!” He almost immediately regretted shouting as a fit of coughs managed what the nurse hadn’t.  
“Tom. Easy.” Someone pressed an oxygen mask against his face and gratefully he inhaled deeply. His lungs felt as if they were burning and from one moment to the next he remembered the feeling of ice-cold water surrounding him. It had felt so peaceful. He’d been ready to go. So how on Earth had he ended up here? And what was the Senator doing here?

Once his breathing was back to normal he realised that he knew the woman currently sitting beside him watching him closely. It was the doctor who’d treated him last time.  
“Feeling better, Tom?” She eventually asked with a soft smile.  
Shaking his head he once again felt that deep emptiness inside him. Why couldn’t they have just let him die?! Nobody cared about him anyway.  
“You’re lucky a boat of the Coast Guards was close when you fell of the bridge.”  
Very lucky indeed.  
“You didn’t fall, did you?” Her voice was soft and wouldn’t he feel the way he did, he probably would even like her.

Ignoring her he turned his head to the other side looking out of the window. How could he get out of there as fast as possible and finish what he’d started? This time, however, he’d buy a gun and blow his brains out.  
His dark train of thoughts was interrupted a few moments later when the door opened again and he heard two women talking. He knew that second voice as well and to proof his suspicion Emma Clemons was stepping into his line of sight a moment later.  
“Hi, Tom.” She grabbed a stool from next to the wall and tugged it to his side. “We’ve been worried sick about you. You were unconscious for a couple of days. So it’s good to have you back with us. Chris and Brian are also relieved.”  
Staring at the ceiling he tried to ignore her but hearing those two names his head automatically turned towards her. She gave him a beautiful smile and gently squeezed his hand.  
“Do you want to tell me what happened?”

Looking back up at the ugly grey ceiling his thoughts started racing. Chris and Brian? Did they know each other? Clearly Chris was here as he worked here. But Brian?! Had he been looking for him?  
Then he remembered that small piece of paper he’d stuffed into his pocket with his name and number on it. They must have called him. However, that still didn’t quite explain what he was doing here. After all he had a reputation to loose and he surely wouldn’t risk it for him.

“You know, you were so lucky! The Coast Guards just past the bridge when you jumped. They managed to fish you out only after a few minutes.”  
He couldn’t control a huff coming out this time.  
“I know you probably don’t consider this as lucky – more the opposite – but I hope I can change that over time.”  
Intently looking at him she waited for a response – however little it would be – but he just kept lying there staring at the ceiling. From Brian she already knew that they’d sex the night before his suicide attempt and that Tom had behaved weird after the act. She still had to figure out why though. Wasn’t he able to cope with the intimacy that Brian insisted on having with him?  
More likely to her was that something during sex had triggered a memory in Tom. She had no idea how many times her patient had had sex already again but she doubted it had been much. And judging by his radically changed look he still was trying to cope with what happened.

“Has Brian done something that triggered a memory?”  
No reaction.  
“He likes to be, well, more intimate than other customers. Did that scare you?”  
When outwardly he didn’t give a reaction, he was deeply shocked that she knew about this. Had the Senator really told her about all that?  
“Did you enjoy yourself and felt that you shouldn’t?”  
Stupid bitch! What did she know?!  
“Tom, I’m here to help you. As are Chris and Brian. So please let us.”  
“I want to go.” His voice was quiet and hardly audible. He needed to get out of there and finish what he’d started. He surely could buy a weapon with the Senator’s money. That’s what he should have done in the first place if he hadn’t been too much of a coward.  
“I can’t do that, Tom. Not as long as you’re danger to yourself. We’ll bring you upstairs later, so try and sleep a little.”

She slowly got up and headed to the door. Good. He’d wait a bit and when everything was quiet he’d piss off. Turning his head to the side he pretended to sleep. There were voices by the door and steps were coming closer. The next moment something wrapped around his wrists and when he opened his eyes he noticed in horror that two nurses were putting restraints on him.

  
_“You look ravishing tied up like that!” Filthy hands were ghosting over his back._   
_“Stop tugging, whore, or you’ll hurt yourself.”_   
_Marvin was tenderly holding his head making him look up at him before slowly tugging him onto his shaft making him gag._   
_Struggling to breath he tried to pull off but the grip on him was too firm and then someone roughly penetrated him..._   
  


Emma had expected that he’d have some sort of flashback when they restrained him, so she quickly walked over and injected Haldol before Tom could hurt himself even more.  
The medicine came into effect almost immediately and he relaxed. Grabbing another pair of restrains she helped he nurses to fixate his legs a well.  
Once he was upstairs and didn’t need all the sensors and infusion bags anymore they’d take them off again.  
A sad smile on her face she thought “He’s got a long way ahead of him.”

* * *

Brian waited outside for Doctor Clemons when his phone rang. Looking at the screen he almost didn’t pick up as his wife was the last person he wanted to talk to right now.  
“Hello, darling. What’s up?”  
“Darling?! What about that boy you’re visiting daily? Do you call him darling as well?!” She clearly was furious.  
“You know I’m here because of the foundation. I'm just making sure he’s properly cared for.”  
“You can’t fool me, Brian. I know you’re sleeping with him. And if you had the guts to admit that you’re gay, Eli surely wouldn’t have run off.”  
Not that again. “That’s the last thing I need now. Don’t you think I’m feeling guilty enough already about this?!”  
“It’s your fault our son is gone. So why don’t you stop holding that kids hand and look for him?!”  
“Lisa, I...” She’d hung up on him again and he nearly collapsed to the floor. No private investigator had managed to find their son yet and he doubted that someone would. But he could be there for Tom and he would – no matter what his wife said.

* * *

Emma was sitting in her office thinking about how to best proceed with Tom. She’d just been with him and tried to talk sense into him but he ignored her and didn’t even look at the soup they’d put down for him. He didn’t even react when she threatened to force feed him.  
About two hours ago she’d talked to Chris, who was now sitting at Tom’s bed. Normally she wouldn’t have approved of it but none of her usual ways had worked. Her patient was deep in an ocean of self-hatred and she couldn’t pull him out on her own. So she’d decided to get Chris and Brian in on this as both men clearly cared about him.  
It was obvious that Chris had never stopped loving Tom and listening to how he talked to him, she could clearly hear the affection still there. For Brian on the other hand she wasn’t quite sure. He’d been a regular customer for her patient but a man like the Senator wouldn’t just fall in love with a whore. And before she let him back into Tom’s life, she needed to know what it was.  
She’d left a message on his phone asking him to stop by at her office after work, then she’d find out.

* * *

Chris felt slightly stupid sitting there and basically talking to himself. The moment he’d walked in Tom had turned to his side so his back was to him. He was wearing a hospital gown and a pair of boxers, so his back was exposed to him and it actually shocked him how skinny his former lover was. Well, he’d never been bulky or muscly but this wasn’t healthy anymore.  
Emma had told him that the next step would be a stomach tube, which wouldn’t be good for his self-esteem, plus they’d most likely would have to fixate him to the bed then. He couldn’t let that happen.

“Do you remember our first real date? – I took you to that Italian restaurant. All-you-can-eat buffet. I was totally dumbstruck by how many slices of pizza you ate. I was staring at you in awe as you gulped down slice after slice. You’d just eaten a big slice with pineapple – I still don’t understand how anybody likes that – when some fat ran down your chin. You looked at me accusingly and opened your mouth to say something. You looked so cute. I reached out and wiped the fat off with my thumb and licked it clean. Your eyebrow went up almost into your hairline and then you said ‘Jesus, Chris! That was so gay!’ We sat there silent for a moment before bursting into laughter.”  
Chris had to grin at the memory but unfortunately there was no visible reaction from Tom.  
“We were bursting already as we’d definitely eaten too much already but you insisted we’d have pudding. Why couldn’t you say dessert like anyone else?  
We laughed until our bellies hurt. You had a Tiramisu and I Pana Cotta. I’d just swallowed the first spoon when your hand was suddenly on my thigh exploring too far North for a public place. I spat the shit across the entire table and you, little devil, broke out laughing again until your Tiramisu ran from your nose.  
Everyone around us was staring, which only made you laugh harder.”  
Chris let out a sigh at the happy memories.

Tom had listened to every word despite not really wanting to and by the time Chris had come to the dessert silent tears were streaming down his face. Why was he being so cruel and reminding him of the few happy days in his life?!

“After we’ve left you insisted on walking the long way home by the river. And when we were alone at the shore I knew why. You grabbed my hand and – like a normal couple would – we held hands. It was so cheesy but also so good. I felt as if I might burst of happiness, so I kissed you. Like really kissed you, with tongue and everything.”

Closing his eyes to try and stop his tears, Tom found himself back there standing on the gravel path. Their hands still had held onto each other’s while their lips firmly pressed together and then he had felt Chris’ tongue and automatically had parted his lips. He’d always thought that it would be kind of disgusting with all that spit involved but it absolutely wasn’t.  
It hit him like a train: Chris had actually been the only guy he’d ever kissed! And he actually missed it. But who would want to kiss a bloody whore?

Chris had continued with another story but in his mind Tom was still standing at that river. The sun was slowly setting and they had stood there their tongues wrestling with each other whilst stroking each other’s faces.

  
_“That’s it! Swallow it like the good whore you are. Good boy.”_   
_His throat hurt and he struggled to breathe as the next guy had grabbed his head and pushed his cock roughly into his throat holding him in place as someone else pushed his thankfully small cock into his ass. He could feel a mixture of lube and sperm spill out of him and his stomach turned and he gagged._   
_“Now, now, whore. Relax or you might suffocate."_

His entire body was shaking and a strangled cry escaped him. There was a hand grabbing his shoulder and some guy was saying something. No! Is it still not over?! Please!

“Tom! Look at me! Please! It’s Chris. You’re safe.”  
Shocked he had watched as Tom’s body had started shaking. Quickly jumping to his feet, he’d run around the bed and gently touched Tom. Their eyes met briefly and he could see the terror in his former lover’s eyes.  
“I'm here for you. I’ll protect you.” Without thinking much he pulled Tom into a tight hug whilst he broke out sobbing.

Emma had watched from her office not sure if she should intervene but as Tom seemed to relax into Chris’ hold everything seemed to be fine. Maybe Tom was ready to heal finally.  
It didn’t take long, however, and Tom pushed Chris away screaming “DON’T FUCKING TOUCH ME!” She quickly jumped up only to bump into Brian in the hallway.  
“Why don’t you wait in my office. I’ll be right with you.”

Tom was still crying when the nurse covered him with a warm blanket. His arm was throbbing where they’d injected him with something that made his mind all fuzzy. He felt so sleepy. But he didn’t want to sleep as they came back every night. And sometimes he even enjoyed what they did. He was scared. Scared of sleeping. Scared of dreaming.


	12. Dark Place

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom’s still on a path of self-destruction. Can Emma find a way to help him before it's too late?

Sitting in Emma’s office waiting for her Brian felt his phone vibrate. It was a text from his wife asking where he was. After a short moment he put it back in his pants shaking his head ignoring her.  
He was actually a bit nervous as he had no clue what the young doctor wanted from him and her message had sounded urgent. Was Tom alright?

About 15 minutes later there was still no sign of her, so he got up and when he was only a few feet from the door it opened and she came in with an apologetic smile.  
“Sorry for keeping you waiting but Tom isn’t well.”  
“How can I help?” He hadn’t been allowed to see Tom for a bit over a week, so he was seriously worried now.  
She gestured him to sit on the sofa while she sat down on the armchair, which confused him slightly. After all he wasn’t her patient.  
“Tom’s basically trapped in a deep hole of self-loathing, shame and insecurity. I’ve tried to help him understand that it’s not his fault but nothing worked so far. He’s still not eating and we might even have to force feed him.” She let out a sigh. “Officially I’m not even allowed to tell you that but as he’s got no family...” She briefly shook her head. “I know you care for him and I want you to be there for him.”  
“Yes, of course.” He eagerly nodded.  
“But first I need to know what he is for you. And I don’t mean the obvious sexual relationship you have with him.”  
Dumbfounded he stared at her. Well, maybe it was time to talk about this with someone.

“At first he was just – well – a whore for me. I... All my life I pretended to be someone else and it mostly worked. I’ve got a beautiful wife and we had a perfect little baby-son. Eli. He’s about Tom’s age. A few years younger.  
I was in the city working too much to really watch him grow up. I wasn’t there for him.  
One Friday I got home in the evening finding my wife fighting with him. He was 16 then. The weekend before he’d – well – been a normal kid but he’d died his hair purple, was wearing eyeshadow and had painted his fingernails black. Like those Emo kids, you know.  
My wife was shouting at him for doing this but he just sat there staring at his phone. I tried to calm her down. I mean he was a teenager, right?!

Two weeks later he wasn’t home when I arrived. Lisa was telling me about him hanging out with some guy from the football team and while she was worried, I was kind of excited. He’d never had many friends but I actually had the feeling that this ‘hanging out’ might be something else.  
It was late when he got home and Lisa was angry and wanted me to scold him. I headed to his room just when he was getting out of his shirt. He had a big bruise on his shoulder and around his neck. I asked him who had done that but he wouldn’t say. I asked him if his boyfriend had done that and he shouted at me to get out of his room.

I tried numerous times over the weekend to talk to him – to tell him that being gay was perfectly okay, although my wife certainly disagrees with that. Over the next weeks he got more and more introverted until one Wednesday I got a call from a hospital that he’d cut his wrist. They’d found him on time, so physically he was okay.  
When I got there they told us that his wrists had covered with cuts already. I told them about my suspicion that he had an abusive boyfriend.  
We’ve put him in therapy once he was released from hospital. The facility had an excellent reputation and he got better again. At least until he vanished from there. I haven’t heard from him since that. It was about 5 years ago.

A short while later I founded an organisation helping homeless kids and young adults.  
I guess Tom reminds me of my son in a lot of ways. I think they’d get along perfectly well if they knew each other. I want to help him because I can’t help my son. As far as I know he could be dead.  
Often – when I picked up Tom – I wondered if Eli was standing on a street like that. I... I wish I would have been there for him more. And I guess I want to make up for that with Tom.”

Emma sat there listening intently. There was just one thing that didn’t quite make sense to her. “If he reminds you of your son, then why fuck him?”  
“I’ve asked that myself for years now. I mean I wouldn’t want other men to use my son’s predicament like that. Maybe it sounds stupid but I’ve always wanted to have him for myself. I didn’t want him to sleep with other men.”  
“Do you love him?”  
“I... In some capacity. I... It hurts to know that he’s sleeping with other men. But when he came apart under me I forgot about it. And he often said that nobody else made him feel like that.”  
“I want you to tell him about your son. Tell him what you feel when you’re with him.”  
Brian swallowed hard and nodded maybe he should have done that a long time ago already but admitting that he loved Tom meant to admit that he was gay and just like Tom’s dad his parents had taught him that was evil and his wife probably thought so too.

* * *

Tom was standing in the rain waiting for customers. His jacket Was already soaked through when a police car pulled up next to him. Shit!  
He wanted to run but somehow his feet wouldn’t obey him. Marvin got out of the car and came sprinting towards him. He roughly grabbed him and pushed him onto the cool bonnet of the car handcuffing him. “You’re arrested for prostitution! Fucking slut!”  
Like in movies the cop told him about his rights before shoving him into the back of the car.

They silently drove through the streets before stopping at a dark building. He was led down a long hallway and down some stairs into a sterile room.  
“Take off these wet clothes, whore.”  
He didn’t want to but his body was once again betraying him.  
“Hands against the wall and spread your legs.”  
Like a puppet he obeyed and a few moments later lubed up fingers entered him searching his hole. “That’s what I like about arresting a whore like you. They’re always prepared.”  
Two fingers brushed over his prostate and he moaned while his cock filled with blood. Marvin had no mercy and didn’t stop until he was rock-hard.  
“That’s a proper whore.” He roughly grabbed his arms and tied them behind his back before leading him down another hallway into a big dark room. It wasn’t dark for long, however, as suddenly a bright spotlight was on him.

He could hear mumbling and repeatedly the word whore, slut, greedy hole and cum dump could be heard. Eventually someone in a robe - like a judge would wear - stepped into the light. No. Not someone. It was the Senator.  
“As you’ve been whoring around for years, you are herewith convicted to a lifelong in these dungeons serving as everyone’s slut. Whoever wants, may use you however they want. Tie him to that bench.”  
More lights went on and he was led to a black, leather-covered bench. His arms were untied only to be retied to the sides of the bench while his legs were tugged up and spread apart before also being tied down. The bench was too short for is body so his head hung down from it if he didn’t hold it up.

Between his legs he saw that big guy approaching. He was shirtless with low-hanging jeans holding a cane. Tom’s mouth watered and his erection grew even more.  
The next moment the cane came down right on his hole and a stinging pain shot through his entire body. His mouth opened but to his own horror a moan came out not the expected scream.

Ten blows later he stopped and dropped the cane only to line up his cock at his oversensitive hole and pushed in. Now he was screaming but not out of pain. His erection spurted out the first droplets of cum.  
“Look at that greedy whore.” The guy said.  
“He always loved to have his ass properly stuffed.” Chris suddenly appeared beside him stroking his own cock. “I want to be next.” He announced before lowering his head to Tom’s manhood and sucking him into his mouth.

* * *

Emma watched him tossing and turning. He obviously had a nightmare but with the tranquilisers in they couldn’t wake him. As he had an erection she had a pretty clear idea what his dream was about but that would surely only add to his self-loathing.

* * *

Slowly blinking his eyes Tom was relieved that he wasn’t trapped at the place from his dream. But was this much better? What did it matter really?  
Shifting lightly he suddenly noticed the mess in his boxers. Something between a sob and a horrified scream came from his throat and tears were welling up in his eyes. How could he have cum from that horrible dream? He was scum. Filth. Not worth the air he was breezing.

He nearly had a heart-attack when the door suddenly opened and Emma was coming in holding the tray with his breakfast. She smiled at him as she put the food down on a small table, which she then rolled over to his bed.  
“Good morning, Tom. How are you feeling?”  
Turning his head he looked out of the window. The weather seemed to reflect his mood as it was grey and rainy.  
“Eat a little and then you can have a nice warm bath.”

A bath would actually be nice but he knew she was bribing him to eat that way. He could already feel that his body was quite weak, so he just had to hold out a bit longer. Ignoring her he watched as raindrops were falling against the window before slowly running down on it. It somehow soothed him but at the same time it made him feel dizzy.  
“Doctor Miller will stop by later to check on you and I’ll have to tell her you’re not eating. We’ll have to put a stomach tube in through your nose and feed you that way. You won’t be able to get up and use the bathroom on your own as we’ll also need to fix you to the bed. And the nurses will have to wash you. Do you really want that, Tom?”  
She was just threatening him to get him to eat. They wouldn’t do anything like that!  
“You don’t let us another choice as we won’t watch you starve yourself to death.”  
Or would they?

For a while she just quietly sat there and watched him but when he still didn’t move or react in some way she got up. So the Senator was the last chance.  
Getting up she headed to the door. Of course she could try again to get him to talk about that night but she knew that wasn’t going to break him. He needed something else.

* * *

Brian was pacing in the hallway thinking about what to say to not sound like a total pervert to Tom. He actually thought telling him his story wasn’t a good idea at all but Emma insisted. Why? He had no idea.

In the evening he was hosting a gala dinner for the foundation, which meant his wife was in town but the last thing he wanted was to see her. And then he would have to pretend all night to be a happily married guy when there was nothing he would enjoy more than to cuddle with Tom in his bed, watch a movie and eat junk food. Great!

When he suddenly heard the door open he suddenly felt his pulse start racing. Emma briefly nodded at him and after inhaling deeply he entered the lion’s den.

Tom looked so thin and fragile there in the hospital bed. His head was turned towards the window and he looked paler then usual. Sitting down on the chair he reached for his long fingers but the young men quickly tugged them away.  
“Hi, Tom. I...” He swallowed the lump in his throat. “I don’t know what happened that made you do this and I don’t really care. I just want to help you.” Clearing his throat he started to tell his story.

* * *

Tom didn’t want to listened but he couldn’t turn his brain off completely either. He actually remembered seeing a picture of the Senator with a teenage-boy at his flat a while ago. Back then he’d wondered if he also slept with him.  
What he didn’t understand though was why the politician told him that. Why would he care that his customer had a gay son?

He wasn’t looking at Brian but he could hear that he was close to tears and eventually his words were interrupted by the occasional sob.  
“I often wonder what would have happened if I had had the guts to tell him that I’m gay as well. I... As it is I can’t take care of him but I hope that some day I’ll see him again and can beg his forgiveness.  
We’ve met before he ran and I remember thinking when you told me your story ‘Thank God, that’ll never happen to my son’. About a year later he was gone.  
That’s why I offered you to stay in my guestroom. I was hoping that someone somewhere would do the same for him. Be there for him. Make sure he had a place to stay.  
I want to be there for you. Keep you safe. Give you a new home."  
“Why?”  
It was so quiet he nearly would have overheard it. “Because the people who were supposed to love you didn’t. And I know how it is to be told that being gay isn’t normal. That it is sick and shit like that. You’re a clever young man. You deserve a better life. And not... Well...”  
“What?” Tom suddenly felt furious. What did Brian know? “Being a whore?” He turned his head and hissed at him.  
“Yes.”  
“That’s what I am. A filthy whore. Sleeping with countless men for money. I’m scum! You don’t want me near you – never mind living with you.”  
“Don’t say that.” Tears had welled up in the older man’s eyes. “You’re a kind-hearted soul.”  
“I’ve been raped by ten men and apparently I’ve enjoyed it as I came. They’ve filled my whore ass to the brim with their cum. I dream about them and get hard. I’m a fucking monster! Worthless filth!” He could see the disgust in the Senator’s face when he told him about the rape. Good!  
One moment he was incredibly angry and the next moment all that anger was gone and he felt helpless, desperate and utterly alone. Loud sobs fell from his lips and when two arms wrapped around him he buried his face into that person’s chest and let himself cry. Cry out all the built up frustration at being helpless – being a victim.

* * *

Emma sat in her office listening to Brian and then hope sparked up in her when Tom started to react. She knew what would come now and she was sure the Senator could take it. Once again her instinct had been right. Confronting Tom with the Senator’s love broke the ice, although the older man would have never admitted it but he loved Tom. Partly like a son and partly like a lover would. He probably hadn’t realised that himself but she could work with that as long as Brian was there for him. Now she could start with Tom’s proper therapy.

* * *

Tom didn’t understand what suddenly was going on. When before he felt empty and like a ghost, he now felt so much pain, shame and anger. It took him a while to notice that he was desperately clutching onto Brian and crying into his shirt.  
Abruptly letting go he shoved the Senator away from him and hid his face in his pillow. Why did it hurt so much?  
“Tom. Shhh. I’ll always be there for you. Easy. Shhhh.” His fingers were gently brushing through his hair to soothe him.  
“LEAVE... ME... THE... FUCK... ALONE!” He managed to shout between sobs but to his surprise the older man stayed where he was, which only made him sob harder.

* * *

Emma watched for a while and she was actually surprised how tender and patient Brian was with him. And wouldn’t have Tom’s already exhausted body started shaking wildly, she wouldn’t have interfered.  
Grabbing some tranquiliser she headed into the room and quickly injected Tom the medicine before telling a nurse to get some saline and vitamins running. When he woke up again, they’d try to make him eat again and she was pretty sure he would at least try.  
“Why don’t you come to my office, Mr. Robertson?”

Still kind of dumbfounded Brian followed her into her office. He was still struggling to believe what he’d just heard. That couldn’t be true!  
“Please tell me this rape thing was exaggerated!”  
Wouldn’t it be so serious, she might have been amused. Gesturing for Brian to sit she fell into her armchair shaking her head. “Unfortunately not.”  
“But how? When? Who would do such a thing?! He’s such a sweet person.”  
“New Year’s Eve. He was dumped into a mountain of snow afterwards. There must be some high-profile people involved as he was basically kicked out if hospital only a few days later and Chris told me that he’d seen someone follow Tom around. Tom was apparently scared of that person and Chris actually saw that guy with the cop who originally investigated in the case. So it’s all quite the mess.”  
“Hang on! What?!” He was furious. “What’s that guy’s name?”  
“I can’t quite remember.” She lied.  
“Well, never mind. I’ll find out. I’ve got good friends at the police!” Jumping up he stormed out the door ignoring her calling after him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eli is loosly based on a character from a play called Slipping. More infos about it here:   
> https://variety.com/2009/legit/reviews/slipping-1200475755/


	13. Investigation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will Tom finally start feeling better? Will Brian find out the truth?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking so long but I’ve started working on two new stories as well...

Chris was tired after working for about 20 hours. He just wanted to fall into bed and sleep but he still had a few hours left and he wanted to see Tom before going home.  
“Doctor Hemsworth?” A nurse had come up to him. Great another patient! Looking at her he immediately noticed the Senator standing behind her, who currently thanked her.  
“Is there somewhere we can talk in private?” The older man said.  
Chris still couldn’t stand that idiot but still he nodded and pointed at an empty examining room.

Once the door had closed behind them Chris asked “What is it?”  
“You’ve told Emma that Tom was scared of a guy you saw with the cop who investigated in the rape case?”  
“What?!” He couldn’t quite believe that she had told him about the rape. After all he had no right to know it! “She’s told you?!”  
“No. Tom has. I guess he wanted to scare me off or something.”  
“He spoke?! To YOU?!” Chris couldn’t help it but he felt hurt. Why did Tom talk to a guy who fucked him for money and not him?  
“I... Yes. Emma wanted me to talk to him about something personal. I guess she had a feeling that he would react to it. God! I must have reminded him of it when I... Shit!”  
“What happened?” He fought the instinct to hit the politician an then run up to see Tom.  
“He suddenly was angry and shouted before breaking down the next moment. It was heart-breaking.”

The Aussie sat there for a moment thinking about whether to be angry or happy. After all it meant that Tom’s catatonic state had been broken. But something in him angered him and he quickly realised it was jealousy.  
“I’ve kept an eye on Tom as he surely wasn’t fine after what happened. I first saw a guy following to the place where he sleeps. And then there was that tall muscly guy scaring him after he finished playing his songs. The same guy was talking to that cop the night of his... his suicide attempt near the underpass where Tom lives. They surely were waiting for him.”  
“Underpass? So he is homeless.” The last bit was more to himself as he had the suspicion for quite a while.  
“Yeah. I also wanted to report the tall guy to the police only to be informed that they weren’t longer investigating as it only was a usual business transaction between a whore and his customers. They surely didn’t even check that license plate.”  
“What license plate?”

Chris told him about that night and how Tom had run from him and gotten into that SUV, plus everything else he knew. Maybe the Senator could help get the bastards as he surely knew the right people.  
“Good. Thanks Chris. I’ll see what I can find out. I’ll keep you updated. Okay?”  
“Yes. Thanks.”

* * *

Tom’s eyes hurt from all the crying but now they were dry – for now anyway. Emma was sitting next to his bed watching him and when their eyes met she smiled softly at him.  
Wordlessly she pushed a tray with a bowl of soup towards him. It smelled delicious but he just didn’t feel like eating.  
“Just a few spoons.” Emma said as if reading his thoughts.  
But why should he? He hated his life. He didn’t want to go back to it. Then he had to think of Brian and his story. Would the Senator really take him in as if he was his son? No sex required? He could get a normal job or just keep playing his music. Was it stupid to hope?

Looking at his hand he noticed he’d picked up the spoon. How had that happened? Emma still was just sitting there and watching him. His head hurt – no – his entire body did. All the feelings made him sick.  
Then the evil smile of Marvin came to him before he had run. He couldn’t let them win! It would mean that his dad had won! He wasn’t disgusting! He was just gay!  
Bringing the spoon to his mouth with shaking fingers he started eating.

After only a handful of spoons he couldn’t eat anymore as his stomach protested, so he pushed the tray away. He briefly met Emma’s glance and she still had that soft smile on her lips.  
“Good. I’ll get a nurse to help you bathe.”  
Nodding he remembered the mess in his undies. A bath would be really nice now.

The nurse helped him in a wheelchair and finally in the tub. He was actually shocked how weak he was. The water felt nice and he tried to ignore the fact that a woman was closely watching him.

Afterwards he felt slightly better, they’d even got him proper clothes. The boxers they’d gotten him felt amazingly soft and the black t-shirt smelled nice as well.  
The nurse brought him back to his room where his bed had been freshly made and Emma was already waiting for him sitting on the chair next to the bed.

Instead of putting him back into bed the nurse left him in the wheelchair facing Emma. Once they were alone in the room the young doctor asked “What happened that night with Brian that made you want to kill yourself?”  
He didn’t know why but he wanted to tell her.  
“I wanted to try again. Try if I could do it. I need money to afford a flat and being a whore again would have been the easiest way. I wanted to try a blowjob but then Brian showed up and I thought if I can’t even sleep with him anymore, I’m fucked.  
At first it was okay, he even sucked me off. But then when he... I couldn’t. Everything was back. I wanted to scream. I can’t do this anymore. I... There was no reason left to live. What for?”  
“You like Brian.” It wasn’t a question still he found himself nodding.  
“He’s always been good to me. And I never knew why. Still don’t really.”  
“Well, isn’t it obvious? He likes you too.”  
“But why?!” This confused him more than anything. Why would a man like Brian like him? He was nothing. Filth. A homeless whore.  
“You’re a good guy, Tom.”  
“Maybe. But I'm a whore. I know that he hates it when I've been with someone else. And now after telling him about...” He swallowed hard. “He still hasn’t run.”  
“And you don’t understand that.”  
“No.”  
“Not even after he told you about his son?”  
“I... Not really. Cause that would mean, he’s kind of seeing me like his son. But then all the sex stuff would be kind of sick.”  
“That’s not what he was trying to say. He just wants his son to have someone to love him like he loves you. Care for him. Be there for him.”  
“But...” Tom trailed off realising what the Senator had tried to say. Speechless he was staring at Emma. That couldn’t be true.

* * *

“He’s a whore, Brian. Of course the investigations were shut down. He got paid for it.”  
The anger was building in the politician at his friend’s reaction. “Listen, Charles" he inhaled deeply “the kid is completely down, even tried to kill himself. That’s not a whore's reaction to a simple job.”  
“He’s the kid you’ve been visiting at the hospital lately, right?” Brian noticed the Superintendent’s sarcastic tone.  
“Yes.”  
“Is he really that good of a fuck to even risk your reputation?”  
“You didn’t just say that?!” The politician hissed.  
“Sorry, man, but people are talking already. What does Lisa think of the whole shit?!”  
“Charles, for fuck's sake! Just open that damn file on your computer and check it. I’m pretty sure your officer O’Donnell has either been paid off by someone or he was involved himself in the rape.”  
“Jesus, Brian! Okay, I’ll check if I can find out something. I’ll see you tonight then.”  
“Yeah, and bring the file, so we can talk about it.”

* * *

Staring at the file on his screen he thought about what to do. He was sure the Senator wouldn’t give up too quickly. Reaching for his phone he dialled a number. “Hey, it’s Charles here. I think you might have a problem.”

* * *

The gala was going well – apart from Lisa not talking to him maybe. He knew they needed to talk but tonight wasn’t the right time nor place. Heading over to the bar he ordered a Whiskey and sat down on stool thinking about Tom. He still couldn’t believe he had been raped but that explained why he had basically disappeared and why he had run in panic from him. Something must have triggered a memory in his young lover and he felt so guilty about it. He needed to talk to Emma about this.  
“Brian! Congrats on the night. Seems to be a great success.”  
Looking to his side he forced a smile on his face. He’d always hated that man but he had no idea why. “Hi, Stuart. How’s everything?”  
“Perfect. Polls are good. Looks like I’ll be mayor for another term. How about you?”  
“Great. Although I’m not sure yet if I’ll run for Congress again next year.”  
“Because of the rumours?”  
“What rumours?”  
“Well, that homeless kid you’re visiting. I’ve heard he’s a whore and you like to – well – be in his company, shall we say.”  
“What?” If that’s what people thought, it was no wonder Lisa was angry.  
“Just what I’ve heard. And even if it’s true, we're in days where being gay is absolutely fine.”  
Something in the mayor’s tone made him want to throw up. “I’m married.”  
“So am I but – to be honest – I don’t mind picking up one of that Gordon Park sluts from time to time.” He’d lowered his voice now. “There’s one called Tim. Cute guy. All golden curls. Best blowjob I’ve ever had. Really cute.”  
All of a sudden he felt as if someone had punched him in the stomach. Behind closed eyes he could see an innocent 16-year-old Tom getting into his car saying his name was Tim.  
“Are you okay? Do you know him? He’s really cute. And filthy. Once even bragged about doing a gangbang. You should go and check him out. Also really tight for a whore.”  
“Excuse me.” Brian quickly jumped up and basically ran to the toilets were he threw up his dinner. No way had Tom slept with this asshole – never mind bragged about... No.

Once he felt better he headed out again looking for Charles. He needed to know what happened to Tom.  
It didn’t take long and he’d spotted the bold headed guy in uniform, so he headed over to him. After a bit of small talk Brian tugged him to the side. “And? Where is the file? Can I see it?”  
“I haven’t brought it. It’s not save here. But I’ve had a look and, yes, officer O’Donnell investigated in the case. The final report says they’ve confronted the kid with the money to see if he really had been raped or paid for... his service. He took the money walking off. That’s it. Nothing to investigate anymore. He’s a whore.”  
“An homeless. Would you not take the money if you were homeless? How much was it anyway?”  
“$1500.”  
“What?!” He knew how much Tom charged normally and doing the Maths he figured whoever had raped him knew as well. “I want to see that file. Tomorrow morning in your office. 9 o'clock.” Brian knew something was off as Charles normally wasn’t like that at all. He swore to himself that he’d find out who’d done that to Tom. Fucking bastards!

* * *

Tom felt drained and exhausted. And confused. Did Brian really love him? No. That wasn’t possible. He surely liked to sleep with him but that was it.  
Emma had left him alone for today and a nurse had brought him a soup a few minutes ago. Staring at it he shoved it back and forth too busy to eat thinking about the events of the day. The things Brian had said. He had wanted to hurt the Senator, to push him away. He was a nothing. But not even telling him that he’d been used by a group of guys had repulsed him enough to make him go away. But why?!

Eventually the nurse came back feeding him a few spoons before handing him a pill which would help him sleep. He wanted to protest but he was too exhausted to fight and soon he was out.

* * *

Finally Brian closed the door to his apartment behind himself and his wife after a long evening of shaking hands and smiling. Sighing he took off his shoes before he followed Lisa into the living room, where she already waited for him her arms crossed and an angry look on her face.  
“You’ve avoided me like the plague all night, which means something gnaws at your conscience. Are you sleeping with that kid? Is that it? You’re fucking a guy?”  
He’s actually thought about what to tell her all day but only in the car back to his flat he’d made the decision. “Yes. I’ve been sleeping with him for a while actually. I’ve paid him to.”  
Her jaw dropped. She hadn’t expected to finally hear the truth. “That’s not the reason you’re spending so much time in hospital. He’s more than a whore to you.” To her own surprise her voice was rather calm but somehow she’d known it already anyway. Their marriage hadn’t been perfect for years – even before their son had vanished. Besides she’d been having an affair herself for years, so she felt less guilty now that the truth was out.  
“Yes. I think I love him. I’m sorry, Lisa. I know I should have been honest with you.”  
“You’re gay?” She poured herself a glass of Whiskey before sitting on the sofa.  
“I... Probably bi-sexual, I guess, as I’ve always enjoyed both.” He followed her example and sat down beside her. “You’re not angry?”  
Sighing she turned to look at him. “Relieved actually. And to be honest I also have someone I’m seeing occasionally.”  
His eyebrow shot up. “You’re joking?!”  
Shaking her head she thought about whether to tell him who it was to hurt him as much as she’d been hurt when he kept visiting that boy in hospital rather than come home. At first she’d been so angry but then she spent her weekends with her affair, sometimes when they fucked she even imagined him walking in on them. “It’s Benjamin Higgs.”  
Now his jaw dropped. “Our best friends' son?! You know he’s working for my office?!” He suddenly saw red, only yesterday he had talked to him. He was about 20 years younger than her!  
“Yes. He stopped by one weekend. He came to see you but once again you rather stayed in the city screwing your whore. I invited him to dinner as I’d cooked too much.” She wanted to add that they’d fucked on pretty much every surface that weekend including his desk but she didn’t.  
“And what are we going to do now?”  
“Keep pretending?”  
“I don’t know.”  
Silently they sat there for a while staring at the wall. At some point their hands met automatically and in the end they even kissed before going to bed together fucking angrily.

* * *

Slightly shaking Tom lay in his hospital bed watching as the sun slowly came up. First the sky turned slightly pink which turned first red and then orange. It was really beautiful. From outside he could hear the ward coming alive. Occasionally there was a scream from one of the fellow patients there and for the first time he wondered what their problems were.

At some point the door opened and a nurse came in bringing him his breakfast. He automatically thanked her which made her smile at him in return. He ate a bit of porridge and drank a cup of tea and some orange juice. He couldn’t let them win. He needed to fight.

About an hour later Emma showed up and brought him sweats and a black t-shirt. “Put that on. I want you to meet a group of brave people.”

She helped him into a wheelchair once he had changed and took him into a big room where already 14 people were waiting for her sitting in a circle. It was definitely too early for him to say something in there but she just wanted him to know he wasn’t alone. Tom on the other hand got really nervous when he saw the group. There were mostly women but also 3 guys, who all curiously looked at him.  
“Good morning, everybody. That’s Tom.” Like a choir they said “hi, Tom” before Emma continued. “How is everybody feeling today?”  
Some nodded or mumbled something. “Caren, how are you feeling after speaking last time?”  
A young girl, maybe around 20, looked up from the floor. “Alright. It’s weird to having told everything to people I don’t know but it’s good to know that nobody is judging me.”  
“Thank you, Caren. You’re really brave. You all are. To start today’s session I want everyone to tell us something he or she has never told anybody else. I’ll start. I absolutely love plush animals! Probably more then when I was a kid.”  
Some laughed, some smiled but nobody seemed to condemn her or made fun of her.

One after the other they told more or less embarrassing secrets and then there was only Tom left. What could he tell them that wasn’t too bad? It was clear to him what the group was about, which strangely comforted him and then he had to think about something. “My dad hates gays. My boyfriend and I used to make love on his desk. He’d have had a heart-attack if he knew.”  
He remembered once even shooting his come all over some important documents but he’d never noticed.

Afterwards Emma played a stupid game with them and everybody seemed to have a good time. They laughed with each other and Tom was surprised how calm everybody seemed to be. Eventually the laughing stopped and there was a sudden awkward silence.  
A guy called Joey cleared his throat after a bit. “The first time my stepdad raped me was when I was 15.” Swallowing hard Tom looks at the guy, who now was probably about his age. “I hated it. But when mum died he was the only thing I had left. I ended up sleeping in his bed mostly and we fucked pretty much every night. I thought that I loved him, that he was my boyfriend.  
One night he invited some friends. They drank and played poker while I was in my room playing video games. When he stood in my door I thought his friends had gone. He made me strip and then guided me to the living room. They all still sat there. I protested but he told me to be a good boy and lie on the table. I didn’t want to. He sat on the sofa and watched as his friends raped me.”  
Silent tears ran down the guy’s face and most of the others were fighting their tears – including Tom. What a nightmare?! Being hurt like that by the person who should look after you...  
Tom suddenly felt stupid for feeling that bad because some customers had raped him. He was pathetic.  
He didn’t really listen as Emma talked to Joey and asked questions. How would he feel if his dad and his friends had raped him?

Still deep in thoughts he hardly noticed that Emma was bringing him back to his room. Helping him up she tugged him into bed. “How are you feeling?” Of course she’d noticed that he’d gone really quiet after what Joey said, which actually happen regularly during a patient's first group session.  
“Like an idiot.” Tom eventually said looking at her.  
“Why?” She sat down next to him on the bed.  
“His stepdad did that. And I...” He trailed off shaking his head.  
“You’ve been raped, too. Maybe not by a family member but someone you trusted. What happened to you was just as bad.”  
“Only that I might actually have enjoyed it, if they had used condoms.”  
“That’s not true.” She squeezed his hand.  
“I'm not so sure about that.” Sobs broke from his mouth and she quickly pulled him into a hug. Maybe he was finally ready to talk about what had happened that night.

* * *

Lisa was still sleeping when he sneaked out of bed getting dressed. He had a few important meetings later but first he needed to go and see Charles.  
After quickly getting dressed he headed downstairs jumping into a cap going to the police headquarters. To his surprise the young girl at the reception told him the Superintendent wasn’t in. He should have known. What did Charles know?  
Having a sudden idea he asked for his substitute and a few minutes later he was led to an office. He was surprised how young the guy was who greeted him.  
“Nice to meet you, Senator. My name is Albert Bailey. How can I help you?”  
They shook hands and Brian immediately liked him. “I talked to Charles yesterday about a file. He told me to stop by this morning to have a look at it.”  
“Well, police files are confidential, Senator.”  
“I know but I might be able to contribute something to it. Listen, it’s about this kid, he’s in hospital after trying to kill himself. He’s been raped and I’m sure the investigating officer is involved in the case as he’s been following the kid around scaring him.”  
Albert’s brow furrowed thinking about what to do. “Okay.” He said after a while. “What’s the kid’s name and the officer's?"

About an hour later Brian left the building, pretty sure he knew at least two of the assholes’ names who had done that to Tom. Well, he had a meeting with the mayor later anyway...


	14. Horrifying Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brian confronts the mayor and Tom opens up to Emma some more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, guys. This took ages but I'm writing on another story aa well - a really cheesy lovestory.  
> I hope the next chapter won’t take that long.

Emma sat in her chair fighting tears as Tom told her what happened that night.  
“Everything hurt. My jaw... I was crying I think but they wouldn’t stop. Some guy was shoving my face down his huge dick and held me there. I couldn’t breathe. For a moment I thought I would die. Then someone started fucking me again. I felt so numb. So filthy. Their cum was all over me. I still can hear them.”  
She had heard hundreds of stories like that and sometimes wondered why she didn’t have nightmares regularly. The thing none of her patients knew was that she knew quite well how it felt. And she’d decided that she wanted to help other victims like her therapist had helped her.

Patiently and attentively she listened to him talking about what happened that horrible New-Years-Eve. Eventually he finished and tears were streaming down his face. Holding his hand she nodded at him. She felt so proud that he’d opened up to her that quickly.  
Silently they sat there for a bit until his tears slowly subsided again.  
“What is the worst for you?” She knew she had to dig deeper with him, so she needed to be careful.  
Questioningly he looked at her for a moment. “That I still can hear them. I just need to close my eyes and they’re back. Laughing. Calling me names. And if it’s really bad I can feel their touch on me.”  
Most of her patients suffered from flashbacks but deep down she knew there was something else. “Are you scared that they’ll do it again?" She had to think about something Chris had told her.  
For a moment he kept silent before finally nodding.  
“Do you know who’s done it?” She nearly cursed but the question was out now.  
This time he stayed silent turning his gaze to the window staring out at the grey sky. Well, that was answer enough. “I think we’ll finish for today. Or is there something else you want to talk about?”  
Shaking his head he stared down at his hands. No.

* * *

Brian was really nervous when he headed up the stairs to see the man who’d raped the man he secretly loved – he was sure of it.  
The secretary greeted him and immediately announced his arrival. A moment later the door opened and Stuart stepped out greeting him. They exchanged some niceties before walking into the office. All the time Brian thought about how best to proceed.  
They sat at the mayor’s desk talking about the upcoming election and some gossip. The secretary eventually brought them coffee and left them alone again.  
Brian couldn’t concentrate as they discussed the topic that had brought him there in the first place, so he eventually just said “Who else was involved in the rape of that kid?”  
Dumbstruck Stuart stared at him for a moment not knowing what the Senator was talking about but then he grinned. “I’ve never raped anyone in my life. We’ve paid him. Came like a rocket a few times. Fucking whore. We can invite you as well next time, then you don’t need to be jealous.”  
Brian steamed. He wanted to kill that idiot. “He said no. He didn’t want it.”  
“Oh, he did. God, you should have seen his tiny hole clenching, our seed trickling out. And his gorgeous cock wildly twitching as he took cock after cock. Such a cum slut.”  
Brian felt sick. Of course he had known about the rape from Tom’s outbreak but to hear one of his abusers talk about it that way got to him. There was not even the smallest sign of guilt – quite the opposite really. “You fucking prick! And then you send your monkeys to scare him as if he hadn’t suffered enough.”  
“Tell me Brian, are you jealous that we fucked your filthy whore or is it the fact that he had our cum in him?”  
The mayor knew how to push his buttons but he realised he couldn’t do anything that moment. He felt helpless but he didn’t even want to imagine how helpless Tom had felt – and probably still did. He needed to talk to a lawyer. “I’ll bring you down.” With that he got up and left without another word.

After he’d left the office he quickly sprinted down the hallway to the toilets. Just about he managed to get into a stall before he threw up. Afterwards he sat down on the closed lid thinking about what just happened. Stuart had basically admitted that he’d raped Tom. Damn! He should have recorded their talk.  
The mayor’s words still echoed in his ears and he realised with horror that he actually felt slightly jealous that they’d fucked Tom bareback. He’d asked the young man numerous times but he’d always shaken his head saying he wouldn’t do that. Another sign that it had been rape. He needed to do something!

Once he was in his office he grabbed the phone and searched for a number. Barry Andersen was an old friend and had worked his way up from a simple assigned counsel to a prosecutor and now was one of the highest judges in the state. He’d surely knew what to do.  
“Hello?”  
“Barry! Hi! Brian here. How are you?”  
They made small talk for a while asking about each other’s wives and family until the Senator cleared his throat. “Listen, Barry, I need your legal advice. There’s this homeless kid, my organisation is caring for. He’s been raped by a group of guys. I'm sure about two guys. One is a cop, he ran the investigation, and the other one also high-profile. The investigations were stopped because he took the money. $ 1500. Of course he did. He’s homeless.”  
“He took money for being raped?!”  
“No. He’s been working as a prostitute for a bit, I guess. One guy picked him up and then they, well...”  
“Oh. Hmm. Tricky. I guess he hasn’t testified against them.”  
“Right. And how could he, if one of his rapists is standing right there?”

Barry asked him loads of more questions but in the end he told Brian his best chance was to get the kid to testify against his abusers. Of course Brian could report it but without any proof it probably wouldn’t even go to court – especially if the accused were influential people. Fuck! He needed to talk to Tom.

* * *

Emma curiously watched how Tom reacted to Chris visiting. At first they just sat silently there, Chris on a chair and Tom in his bed. After about five minutes Chris smiled.  
“You look better. How are you feeling?”  
Shaking his head Tom looked away. An awkward silence followed.  
“I saved your book, you know. The one you left here.”  
“It’s yours now. It was a gift.”  
Chris wanted to quote something from it but his brain had frozen. “I really love the way you play. And your voice is beautiful.”  
“Thanks.” Tom wanted to end the awkwardness so he asked “Tell me about you. You’re a doctor. I always thought you’d be a professional football player or something.”  
Chris laughed and started telling Tom about how he’d gotten where he was. They both smiled when Chris had finished. Tom was happy for him but it made him sad at the same time.

For a while they silently sat there each one staring at his hands until Chris looked up at him. “You know, my offer still stands. You can move in with me. I’m rarely home anyway.”  
Tom was almost torn to shout yes but something stopped him. It didn’t seem to be right. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. But thank you very much.”  
Slightly disappointed Chris nodded “No problem. I’ll be there for you, though. No matter what.”

* * *

Half an hour later Chris was gone and Tom sat on the edge of his bed thinking about Chris and how much they once loved each other. Did he still have feeling for him?

Emma came in and sat down where the young doctor had sat and smiled at Tom. “That’s really nice of Chris to ask you to move in with him.”  
Nodding his head he looked miserable.  
“Why don’t you want to?”  
Thinking about it for quite some time he stayed quiet for a bit over 5 minutes until staring at the floor as he started talking. “He’s no idea what I’ve done those last couple of years. For him I'm probably still 16. Innocent and crazy in love with him and I’m scared about him finding out how messed up I actually am. And I’m ashamed of myself. I mean, he’s a doctor now and I...” Shaking his head he tries to stop his tears from falling. Without success, though.  
“You still love him – at least a bit.” Emma nods and grabs his hand. “And you’re right. It’s not a good idea to move in with him. Not yet anyway.”

* * *

Tom’s mood was really down and when Brian showed up he hoped that the Senator might distract his dark thoughts – as did Emma.  
Concerned as usually the politician asked how Tom felt but the young man just shrugged his shoulders. Brian had spent a few hours thinking about how to best approach the topic but in the end he’d found no better way then to just straight tell him that he knew but now that he sat in front of Tom he had his doubts. He should have asked Emma what to do.  
“Listen, Tom, I’ve spoken to a friend of mine – a judge” Spontaneously he followed his instinct. “I asked him for advice how to best nail the bastards who did this to you. He said best was if you testified.”  
Tom’s face became a mask of horror. No way he could do that! Shaking his head wildly he stared at the Senator.  
“I’ve done some research and I know two names already. Chris helped and gave me a few hints as well. We can...”  
“I think it’s for the best if you leave now.” Emma stood in the door interrupting him.  
Looking at Tom he said “That cop... I can get him fired and the mayor... You don’t have to be afraid. I’ll protect you.” Emma stood next to him looking at him annoyed.  
“Go and wait in my office!”  
The young man looked as if he’d seen a ghost, so Brian got up doubting that he’d done the right thing. Whispering “sorry" he got up and left the room.

Emma sat in the chair holding Tom’s hand in silence. Eventually her patient started shaking lightly but he didn’t cry.  
She asked in her usual calm tone. “Is he right?”  
It took almost 5 minutes until Tom slowly nodded his head.

“I had seen Chris a few days before across the street after playing some music near Times Square. I thought I was dreaming but then he shouted my name. My first instinct was to run over and hug him but then I got angry thinking about what happened, so I ran.  
Then on New Years Eve I was on my way to work when I saw him across the street again walking towards me. I had thought about him a lot the days before and mostly felt angry about everything that happened with him. The feeling of being betrayed. I also had blamed him for what had become of me all those years. In my head it had been his fault that I’ve become a whore.  
And there he was looking fucking hot strolling down the street. No way I wanted to talk to him. So when he saw me I quickly fled into an alleyway and into the park where I hid behind some bushes. Sure enough Chris comes running after me. He ran the opposite way and after waiting a bit making sure he was gone I got out and crossed the park.  
A car stopped and I knew who it was immediately. I’ve had sex with him a few times before already. It had been alright mostly. I talked to him and I had a bad feeling about it. He said he wanted it bareback and he’d pay $ 1500. I told him no way. I think I took a step back looking at a friend and then I saw Chris. He was right there. I panicked. I told Stuart not without condom and got in. Chris slipped and fell. I was relieved.  
The thing about Stu was that he always liked it sort of kinky. Tying me down or something. At first it was weird but he never did anything I didn’t want. Not until that night. He brought me to that fancy apartment overlooking Times Square. So many people! We drank some Champagne and I eventually undressed. There was this weird looking table he wanted me to get on. I saw the leather cuffs and got on. He tied me down. Arms were fine but then he also tied down my ankles and knees. I didn’t want it. I’ve told already what happened next.”  
Emma was surprise at the calm tone he told her these things but at that point his voice broke.  
“There was only one thing that was sacred about sex for me anymore and only one guy ever got that – at least until that night. With every time one of them came in me they took something away. I’d always loved thinking about the feeling of Chris there. So many happy memories were linked to that feeling. They took that from me that night.”  
Silently she was holding his hand.  
“I’m disgusted by myself. By my body. I hate it. I mean, had they used condoms I doubt that I would have been so devastated. That’s so fucking sick!”  
“No, it’s not. There was this one special thing left for you about sex, something you would only share with someone special.”  
Nodding he looked at her “I can’t testify because I’d have to say this and then everyone would only judge me and not them.”  
“No. You wouldn’t have to say it. You’d just have to say that they raped you, that you clearly said no and they didn’t stop.”  
“I took their money.”  
She wasn’t a lawyer or anything but it was clear that Tom had been victim to a cruel crime. “That doesn’t change anything. They raped you.”  
“Even if I testified, I don’t know all of them. Let’s say the judge believes me and the three, no, four men I know go to prison, what about the rest? They’ll come for me and I don’t even want to think about what they’d do to me then.”  
“Maybe they can put you into some victim protection program.”  
Shaking his head he cuddled into his bed. “I can’t.”

* * *

Leaving him alone she headed to her office where she found Brian pacing nervously.  
“Everything alright? I hope I didn’t upset him too much.”  
“I don’t think so.” She gestured him to sit down as she did herself. “He’s scared.”  
“I’ll protect him.”  
“Not only of his abusers but also the fact that nobody will believe him.”  
“I do. I didn’t want to tell him but I’ve confronted the mayor and he admitted it, however, my testimony won’t be enough.”  
“He’s not ready. And maybe he never will be.”  
“But doesn’t he want to get those bastards nailed for what they did?!”  
“He sure does but he doesn’t know all his abusers and you can’t be seriously thinking they’d give each other away. Besides he would be asked a ton of questions at a trial and the defence would surely not be easy on him.” She watches as the Senator sinks into his chair obviously disappointed. “I know you’re just meaning well but the thing he needs most now is a friend, someone who supports him no matter what.”  
His eyes meet hers and he nods. “I’ll be there for him.”  
“Good. Let him know that.”

* * *

The Senator was sitting in the chair beside Tom’s bed watching the young man sleep. He felt sad for him but at the same time there was this other feeling. It wasn’t love – not the usual kind. He felt the need to protect him to be there for him. He understood why Tom couldn’t testify but it made him only more angry. He needed to get Stuart to talk about it again and record it but the mayor wasn’t stupid. He needed a plan.

A while later Tom stirred and opened his eyes. Brian smiled at him reaching for his hand. “I’m sorry. I won’t press you to do something you’re not ready to do. If you are ready at some point, I’ll be there. But if not it’s fine as well. You’re important to me. I don’t want you to go back and live on the street. I’ll rent you your own flat if you don’t want to stay with me. Okay?”  
Looking at his former customer he felt hope but also insecurity. “Why?” Why would someone like him do that for a fucking whore? Sure they’d talked about it but he still couldn’t wrap his head around it.  
“Life has dealt you a lot of shit, I want to help. I can’t help my son because I’ve no idea where he might be. And I’ve always liked you, plus I guess I feel slightly guilty for using your, well, situation. You’re a clever boy. I want you to finish highschool, maybe you can study afterwards. Or you go and find a job. Lead a normal life. Like the one you deserve.”  
If he hadn’t cried that much already, he’d probably would now again. “Okay, I’ll take your spare room but as soon as I’ve found a job I’ll pay rent. But you have to know that I won’t sleep with you. Can’t.”  
Squeezing his hand he nods “I’ve never even thought about that.”


End file.
